Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

dukeofbookingham:

berhanes:

berhanes:

things my impossibly young looking Roman history lecturer has said

‘listen to your seminar tutors over the booklet, but only for seminars - in lectures i am king. unless you have me as a seminar tutor as well, in which case i am your king and god.’

‘has anybody played Rome: Total War? no?’

‘Cataline tried to burn the city and everyone he hated but he failed because, in short, nobody liked him.’

‘the mediterranean diet didn’t include tomatoes in the ancient world. i know. oh my god. i know.’

‘so of course when Hannibal turns up, the senate goes ‘sod it, lets kick his arse’.’

‘one man’s optimates is another man’s silver-spoon bearing prick.’

‘we don’t have much information about the 70s BC, largely because Plutarch doesn’t care.’

‘i’m not saying Rome: Total War is entirely accurate, but its battle campaigns are surprisingly historically informed.’

[hand drawing a map in chalk because the projector is broken] ‘i’ll give it a go, this is why i hate technology, and oh. well. that’s not italy.’

‘every army needs bakers and prostitutes, this is just a fact of life.’

‘Sulla. He’s a bit of a badass, but also a bit of a prick.’ 

‘yes, that is a slide from Spartacus. The film, not the series, which is more accurate and less like soft porn.’

‘the Romans liked Campania because its very fertile. they didn’t know this was because of its proximity to a volcano - poor buggers found THAT out later.’

‘Crassus gets given command of Syria and high fives everyone in the senate.’

‘Catullus was very pithy, very hellenistic in style. unlike the Iliad, which is 24 books of tedium.’

‘An Afternoon at Carrhae: the Romans being shot at repeatedly by Parthian cavalry because if there’s one thing the Romans aren’t good at, it’s having a cavalry.’

‘It’s good to have fast legs in war. Caesar moves very fast, not unlike Napoleon. The Usain Bolt of ancient warfare. I’m not sure why I said that, it’s an atrocious analogy.’

‘Athens is the Edinburgh of the ancient world; it has nothing to offer but education and pretty buildings.’

‘Shout out to those of you who spent your teenage years playing Rome: Total War.Which is what I did.’ 

‘The senate go into a panic and they decide to flee Rome at dawn, but some idiot forgets the treasury. I know. Ridiculous.’

‘Again: don’t use elephants during warfare. They’re not as cool as they look. And given they’re now endangered, it’d just be mean.’ 

‘I had to use this meme, I’m sorry. You’re all aware of the one does not simply walk into mordor meme right? I’m sorry, we’ll move on.’

‘I put this photo in for dramatic effect but I realise that it’s just a field. I don’t know why people bother going to see battle sites, they’re all really boring. I saw bones once, they were quite interesting. But most battle sites: boring.’

‘Caesar doesn’t tell Rome anything while he’s away in Egypt for a year, so they have no idea Pompey’s dead. All they know is that Antony is being a pain in the ass, which is, in all honesty, not unusual for Antony.’

‘Caesar is very good at one liners. You always draft a pithy one liner before a battle so you have something to say when you win. You don’t want to win and then just be like ‘whoo, thank god for that.’’

I want to be this professor except with Shakespeare

(Source: sqvalors)

Reasons Humans are the cutest animals:

sliceofphan:

whoopsrobots:

1. They know that automatic doors open by themselves, ut when they walk towards them they slow down just in case. Sometimes they hold out their hands and pretend it’s magic.

2. They adopt smaller animals and live with them in their homes, sometimes imitating noises and sounds in attempts to communicate.

3. When they see something funny on TV, they immediately repeat it, sometimes to other people who were already in the room watching to begin with.

4. When they like being around someone very much, some humans will take clothing items from the person to have their smell around when they’re gone.

5. Many humans will take their favorite foods away from their regular feeding areas and hold off on eating them until they are sufficiently comfortable and entertained, to maximize on the experience.

6. Sometimes, a human will associate a particular song with an individual or event, and the song will invoke deep emotional reactions.

7. While many humans prefer to sleep alone, a large number of them sleep better when in close contact with another human who they trust and enjoy the company of.

8. When a human is particularly engaged by an enjoyable task or hobby, sometimes they simply forget that their bodies require basic care to survive.

9. Sometimes the urge for them to sneeze suddenly disappears, and they become frustrated with their automatic immune responses

10. Some humans talk in their sleep, or make funny noises or breathing patterns.

11. When a human likes another human, they begin to imitate vocal patterns and mannerisms.

12. Humans come in a wide range of shapes and colors, and many humans will decorate themselves with flashy dyes or fabrics.

13. They will collect random objects with no set objectives in mind- they will gather items such as paper squares, lengths of fabric, puzzle games, and pleasantly-shaped rocks, which they will excitedly show off to other humans.

the most human postive post that could ever exist, I hope aliens find this post 

(via primarybufferpanel)

Anonymous asked: Since we see several alchemists in FMA have alchemy arrays and symbols tattooed on them I don’t think it’s too unlikely that tattoo shops in Amestris would advertise their services by saying they can do alchemy tattoos. And this made me think, what if there’s a thing in Amestris where people who aren’t alchemists get alchemy tattoos the same way people in our world get tattoos of words in a language they don’t speak. (1/2)

cthulhu-with-a-fez:

phantomrose96:

(2/2) Some guy gets a tattoo of a random array and tells people its what the Flame Alchemist uses to make fire when it actually makes dirt take the shape of a square or something. Anyone who actually knows anything about alchemy brings their own array for the tattoo artist to use as reference.

EXCELLENT IM SCREAMING

Even better when some of these nonsense formations get super popular and everyone’s buying gear with it. (Which the alchemists don’t stop because people walking around with bullshit alchemic arrays are really no harm)

Except one day when Mustang’s walking through the streets of Central, some teen decked out in nonsense alchemy tattoos stops him like

Kid: “Cool Flame Alchemist costume, but your flame salamander is on the wrong side.”
Mustang: *pointing aggressively to his glove* “The flame salamander is not on the wrong side!”

#people accuse Edward of being some kinda fake alchemy enthusiast #because he’s not covered in tattoos #Ed always responds by going through the accuser’s every tattoo #in extreme detai l#pointing out what’s sloppy/wrong/bullshit about it #the tattoo removal store in Central loves Edward #never have they had such booming business #until the short angry alchemist freak #started sending hoards of ashamed amateurs covered in bullshit alchemy tattoos to their door (via)

wildehack:

it is the day before my thesis is due

and I just narrowly avoided weeping in public 

because my brain decided now would be a great time to contemplate the twin litanies of The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock, and how The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one is brave and selfless and good and loving and feels like an implacable truth, the gentle inevitability of duty and death and how achingly perfectly it expresses that marrow-deep star trek promise to always always always do what you can to help, and how Because the needs of the few outweighed the needs of the many could SO EASILY have cheapened that first beautiful thesis statement, only it DOESN’T, it COMPLICATES IT and ANSWERS IT WITHOUT REVISING IT,  and if it is selfish it is also self-sacrificing, it says we, the Many, bravely and lovingly offer up our ships/careers/homes/lives souls for the sake of the One, because everyone gets to decide what is worth sacrificing everything for, even when the balance isn’t even or logical, and that is ALSO BRAVE AND GOOD AND LOVING AND AN IMPLACABLE TRUTH AT THE HEART OF THE STORY, AT THE HEART OF THE GENTLE FUTURE THAT DOESN’T PROMISE THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY BUT DOES PROMISE THAT WE WILL ALL TRY OUR BEST, THAT WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF BEING OUR VERY BEST. 

and i just love star trek very very much, okay. 

nonasuch:

Having grown up in DC, statues of various dead guys on horses are basically background radiation, or they were before I became Hamilton trash and started noticing them again. Now it’s like every time I turn around there’s a Founding Father looking at me like I personally disappointed him, and it’s getting a little unnerving.

Although: as a result, I sort of want to write a magical realism thing where that can really happen. Where if you do something they would have disagreed with strongly enough, the statues climb down off their columns and lumber down Mass Ave to the Russell Building or the Capitol, where they stand on the sidewalk, arms crossed, glaring into the window of whoever’s just introduced legislation that offended them. They don’t speak, or attack anyone, or damage anything– well, they do tend to bump their heads on low-handing streetlights, sometimes, but that doesn’t count. Mostly they just stand there, mournful, accusing, for everyone to see.

Sometimes lawmakers can talk them around, convince them they’re not actually betraying the political ideals of their predecessors. Politicians who are good at this tend to have much, much longer careers than the ones who aren’t. Politicians who piss off the wrong statues seldom get reelected.

George Washington rarely budges, and when he does it’s front-page news, nationwide. Madison’s always been easier to talk around than most. Hamilton spend more time off his plinth than on it, but he cools off fast. Jefferson holds grudges, to the point that hardly anyone worries too much about making him mad. 

It’s not just politicians, either, and they don’t always come to life in anger. Joan of Arc’s bronze horse will shiver to life in Malcolm X Park, sometimes, and carry her off to join protest marches, when she thinks their cause is just. Gandhi walked with Iraq War protestors. The Spirit of American Womanhood, outside Constitution Hall, danced on the day that Roe v. Wade was decided, and when Obergefell vs. Hodge went through, Eleanor Roosevelt taught a clumsy Lindy to Baron von Steuben. 

Lincoln has only risen from his seat once since he was put there in 1922, and that was to nod in solemn approval at LBJ from the White House lawn.

Some cities rarely put up statues, and many have taken theirs down. Paris has a great many artists and writers memorialized, and curiously few politicians. In London, during the Blitz, Nelson shinned down his column to help dig people out of collapsed buildings, until he was broken to pieces himself; he stands atop the column again today, reassembled, but has never moved since. In the last moths of the Soviet Union, a desperate Communist Party had the statues of Moscow chained in place. These days, Monument Avenue in Richmond is punctuated with  a long series of empty plinths and bare columns. 

But DC keeps theirs, and keeps building more.

(via academicfeminist)

vassraptor:

jacquez45:

annlarimer:

kowabungadoodles:

em-kellesvig:

gutterowl:

roachpatrol:

gutterowl:

roachpatrol:

gutterowl:

roachpatrol:

manyblinkinglights:

glimmerbulb:

manyblinkinglights:

curlicuecal:

roachpatrol:

manyblinkinglights:

id wreak mayhem for a really good scifi where sight was considered as exotic and numinous as telepathy by the protag species

#everybody else uses sonar or long whiskers and that thing with the sensing electrical impulses#meanwhile: humans can ‘see’ which is a thing which is like and yet unlike ordinary perception#it would also only ever come into play in the same frivolous ‘VULCAN STRENGTH’ sort of way as Spock’s extra attributes#for maximum effect vision would be faithfully written as 100% an asspull in the best way

what the fuck dude this is awesome i want this too now

Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.

YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “"dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.

And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.

Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.

Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.

Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!

IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.

Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls. 

Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits. 

Person 1:  I dunno, dude.  This ‘light’ stuff sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me.  I mean, how do we know it’s even real?

Person 2:  Seriously, how can something be a wave and a particle?  That doesn’t even make sense.

Mysterious Human: Even if you cannot perceive the light, you can feel its warmth–

Person 1: Oh my god, please shut it with the mystical hoo-hah.  You’re insufferable.

Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.

Captain: okay…. sounds fake, but okay…

And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like

Navigator: Warp drive engaged.  We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.

Human:  What now?

Navigator:  Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try.  So, matter can only move so fast through space, right?  Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–

Human: Ah yes.  The speed of light.

Navigator:  …oh for fuck’s sake.

Captain: My god! Time! Has… frozen! 

Human: Fuuuuuuuuck. 

Captain: What?

Human: Remember how light is a wave and a particle?

Captain: Yes, we mention this every episode. 

Human: Yeah, light’s frozen along with everything else. I can’t see shit. 

Captain: My god! Our sonar doesn’t work either! The soundwaves— they can’t propagate through this frozen air! We’ll have to use just our whiskers!

Human: Fuuuuuuuuck. 

The fanfiction for this show has to be amazing.

“Shh. Don’t try to hide your needs, Captain,” Hue Mann soothed.  “My sight has told me all about your traumatic memories of the war.”

“What?” Captain gasped.  “But…how…?”

“The light knows all,” explained Hue.  “Time slows down at the speed of light.  It sees all of the past..and all of the future.”

“And what is it telling you now?” questioned the Captain.

Hue leaned in close. “It tells me, ‘Mate with them now, you lovestruck fool!”

“Damn you, Hue Mann.  Damn you and your penetrating ‘eyes.’”

“Oh,” breathed Hue, voice husky and sexual.  “That’s not all my eyes can…penetrate.” 

goddamn, you people amaze me.

I love the idea that the protag species has telepathy as ‘boring normal standard’ senses and they can’t understand why human thoughts seems so strange, fragmented, occasionally blank… until they realise that a great of human thought is ‘visual’ and so can’t be heard… 

“Lori, what do your Human eyes see?”

“Coupla billboards, and it looks like it might rain.”

This keeps getting better

This is so cute. Your human crewmember is getting a crush on another human. Time to observe the humans’ weird yet endearing courtship rituals.

“Tell me all about them! What do you like about them?”

“Well, they have these amazing eyes…”

“Yeah? Better at the the wavemapping thing than yours?”

“…I don’t know how good their eyes are at seeing. They’re just this beautiful shade of brown.”

“Wait. You wavemap each other’s wavemapping organs? And have opinions about what nice frequencies they refract the waves at?”

“Yes? What’s so strange about this?”

“I thought your ‘vision’ was passive. Do you listen to each other’s ears too? And like the smell of each other’s noses?”

“Like you’ve never touched someone’s whiskers with your whiskers.”

“…That’s different.”

(via wildehack)