Wow, I had no idea Satan was so knowledgeable and generous with his time.
#TeamSatan
Can satan come teach a class at my school
Amusingly, among the Western European demon-conjuring cults of the 16th Century, many demons were greatly valued for their skill as teachers, often to the point that grimoires would place greater emphasis on the subjects each demon was qualified to teach than on their supernatural powers.
For example, this guy?
Teaches moral philosophy.
And this creepy dude?
He’s your astronomy professor.
Seriously, look this stuff up some time - it’s wild.
I now want a comic or cartoon series about demon teachers and their human students. Not sure if it should be college or high school.
“Aw, man - I got Professor Lionwheel. I hear if you fail his exams, he eats your legs.”
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to be really good about keeping regular office hours.”
But it’s surrounded on all sides by all those other small towns, and it’s where the courthouse is.
“You know how half the people from that seaside town always say the other half look a bit…off? Queer narrow heads with flat noses and bulgy, starry eyes? Well, we’ve finally got a discrimination case.”
“Alien mind control isn’t usually admissible, but if you can get one of their psy-beam operators to testify as an expert then we’ll talk.”
“I’m not signing a search warrant based on a dream you had, no matter how many people had the same one!”
“That case out of Punxsutawney has been on today’s docket every day for months. Did someone leave the groundhog on again?”
“Turns out a town made entirely of people who secretly worship Ba’al Berith might have some establishment of religion issues. Who knew?”
I want educational Illiad, Odyssey, and Aeneid RPG games. They’re completely normal RPG games but the plot is a Classical epic–and accurate, too. If you beat the Illiad, you can get a code to load into Odyssey for better item drops or something. Turnus is the final boss of Aeneid.
Just had a thought for an action hero thing: 30-something woman hero is doing her ass-kicking thing. One day, her boss shows up at her door, and tells her she has to stand down, or there will be consequences. “Honey, it’s not that you’re too old. It’s just the public don’t like to see a woman of your age saving the day. It feels emasculating”.
So woman is stripped of her support team, fellow agents, and is pretty much put on the shelf. She tries to do heroing, but keeps getting cockblocked by younger women or superhero men she used to work alongside.
Just when she’s hitting rock bottom (and sitting in her house wearing pyjamas and eating ice cream), there’s a knock at the door. Judi Dench is standing there, and our heroine assumes it’s a charity collection.
“Oh no, dear,” Dench says, smiling. “We’ve come to recruit you.”
“Recruit me? For what?”
“To do what we do best: save the bloody world.”
And all at once she’s part of a covert ops team made of all the older women who have been retired and who currently are holding the reins of managing the world.
Imagine playing a survival horror game where instead of being a gritty reporter or a single parent or a tortured soul with amnesia, you’re a cat. You live in a haunted house, and it is your job to defend your human/s from harm.
Instead of weapons, you fight with your claws. You jump, you twist, and your meows and hisses have different abilities. But if you make TOO much noise, your human/s hush you, and you can’t continue with your assault until they’ve left you be.
There are various spirits and some are helpful. Ghost mice give you life, ghost crickets give you information, and a former Guardian cat is your guide. You have to succeed where your predecessor failed- finding the source of the haunting and getting rid of it.
And if you don’t succeed, your human dies, and you are left alone.
I love this in particular because the Spring-Loaded Cat is such a horror trope – someone’s in a dark place, something jumps out and scares the dickens out of them, turns out it’s the cat
if you watch enough of these movies you can time the real monster’s subsequent arrival to the split-second
and I always thought “those poor cats, trying so hard to get these stupid people to leave immediately and wait in the car instead of wandering slowly around a dark basement calling ‘hello? is anyone there?’ but they never listen”
so yes, I don’t even like 99% of video games but I would absolutely buy Spring-Loaded Cat: The Game
I want an inverse spy flick. The spy is a woman. Her whole team is made up of diverse women. All the villains are women. There is only one man in the entire movie and he is a Strong Male Character who is like 25 and decently ripped and has a scene where he slowly steps out of a pool wearing speedos because he is Confident and In Control of His Sexuality. We see his ass when he has to tug down his pants to get at the knife strapped to his thigh. His nipples are always erect for no fucking reason.
They are undercover in a nightclub. In order to keep their cover from being blown, he has to kiss another man.
He knits to relieve stress and to keep his mind sharp. It is never discussed by any of the characters.
buddy cop movie with hayley atwell and idris elba as unlikely partners and dwayne the rock johnson as the bakery owner who witnesses a violent crime in the alley behind his shop and has to be protected
#what do you mean you don’t know how to punch? you’re jacked dude! #hey making dough isn’t easy! these are the result of grating carrots for carrot cake!
Peter Parker caught in an endless five year loop. Reliving High School over, and over, and over. Tasting the victory of adulthood for only a moment before he’s snapped back to a teenage hellscape. Free him.
Okay, but imagine a full fic of this. And maybe he doesn’t always remember, but maybe he gets flashes. Little blips of how things turn out and there’s confusion and- just imagine:
Peter feeling alone, so alone at school and then he only has one friend, just the one, just Harry Osborne and sometimes he glances over and gets a sense of wrong, of this is not right- you are evil. youare- and then it’s gone and he’s blinking in confusion and Harry’s head is tilted in a question and-
He calls Gwen “MJ” once. He doesn’t even know why, it just slips out and she pulls away to yell at him but stops because he looks even more alarmed than she is and they laugh it off. Every once and a while, he will go to take a picture and then think he’s already taken it, it’s already on his computer, he’s already edited it but- but no that can’t be right… he’s never been here before. When he’s skateboarding, he sometimes gets the feeling that he can do tricks, crazy tricks and really, if he leapt just like that he wouldn’t even need the skateboard but-
Aunt May laughs at him when he turns up bloody from one of his attempts. She also laughs because through the pain, he has still stopped to pick up paint for some reason because he swears she said she needed it but… but he guesses he hit his head harder than he thought and isn’t that strange?
The worst though, the worst is when he looks at Uncle Ben. Because usually it’s just Uncle Ben, smiling and kind and laughing softly at his own joke. But sometimes it’s not. Sometime’s his mouth is twisted in pain and there is blood along his hairline and he’s gasping out words that Peter can’t quite make out and- when Peter blinks it’s gone but… but when it finally happens, Peter isn’t even surprised. Not really. Not like he should be.
I really hope this is the direction Marvel Studios takes the next Spider-Man.
okay so i’ve seen at least one Daredevil/Elementary fic where claire patches up sherlock but like where’s the fic where joan patches up matt
pre-weird little devil horns, of course, when he was just a dude all in black who sometimes bit off more than he could chew
like maybe he’s stumbling around half dead near the brownstone when joan runs across him, her phone already out to call 911 or captain gregson or both at the same time judging from this fucker’s getup, and he does his usual *clearly dying of a stab wound voice* No Don’t Take Me To A Hospital I Am Paranoid And Illegal routine, just call claire or drive me to this address if you wanna help
and joan’s like what the fuck no i don’t run a nyc corpse delivery service and that’s what you’ll definitely be if i try to truck you all the way to hell’s kitchen, fuck, get inside
