WHY YOU SHOULD DROP YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW (NOT LITERALLY BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE) AND GO READ GOOD OMENS BY NEIL GAIMAN AND TERRY PRATCHETT
1) Aziraphale and Crowley are the best thing ever. Az is an angel, Crowley is a fallen angel who didn’t so much fall as sauntered vaguely downward. They’ve been relegated to working on Earth by their respective bosses, and once you’ve spent 6000 years with no one else to talk to you kinda become bros. Or boyfriends (I ship them so hard). They get dinner, get drunk, get into trouble, and occasionally get smote together. They also have a list of offenses that the other has committed that they bring up ALL THE TIME and they’re basically fantastic. They try to stop the Antichrist from ending the world and the whole thing is really just them fucking up one thing after another. Crowley doesn’t like to really torture people and has snake eyes and Aziraphale covets his bookstore and refuses to sell the books and wears tartan. They are fabulous, you will love them, I guarantee it.
2) A+ tropes-of-the-eighties smashing, which created some of the modern tropes we know and love. Including Bikers of the Apocalypse (smokin’ hot lady War with a big-ass sword, Famine who writes diet books, Pollution who is only there because Pestilence quit and retired to Africa, and Death who is done with everyone’s shit and baffled by modernity), very confused locals, an eleven-year-old Antichrist with the best of intentions, demons who are incompetent at best, angels who are just sort of dicks supporting the Apocalypse, a witch named Anathema who doesn’t fuck around with magic when she can just use the knife she carries, a book of prophecies by Anathema’s ancestor that is about absurdly minute and incomprehensibly important stuff, and a witch hunting guild that gets absolutely fucking nothing done.
3) The Bentley. The Bentley and an excess of Queen. A classic car and a classic band and if you don’t love it you’re WRONG.
4) A hellhound named Dog.
5) A group of kids called the Them who avert the Apocalypse.
6) The only way to get maximum blooms out of your houseplants is threats.
7) The only acceptable explanation ever of Creationism. I swear to God, you will laugh your ass off. I am a hard-core proponent of evolution and I am telling you right now that this book has the only acceptable version of Creationism.
8) Aziraphale’s collection of misprinted Bibles, including one that tells the REAL story of the Angel of the Eastern Gate of Eden.
9) Neil Motherfucking Gaiman.
10) Terry Goddamn Pratchett.
11) Neil Motherfucking Gaiman and Terry Goddamn Pratchett writing a book about the Apocalypse together and creating some of the best lines in the history of the world (seriously, if someone walked up to me and asked if it hurt when I sauntered vaguely downward from Heaven, they would get a phone number and a date WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM).
12) If you are not laughing like a lunatic by the third page, you are probably a robot masquerading as a human.
OKAY I’VE SAID MY BIT AND IF THIS DOESN’T CONVINCE YOU I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL. GO READ GOOD OMENS. DO IT NOW AND SPREAD THE GOSPEL WHERE EVER YOU GO.
