#1. She is exactly the kind of girl that would rob a museum because Bruce wasn’t answering her texts and she wanted to get his attention…
At this point he doesn’t even try to lecture her, he just shows up with, “Sorry, I was stuck in a pocket dimension for the last week” or “Sorry, Nigma’s been on a spree the last two days”.
Listen, y’all, one time there was a rash of break-ins at jewelry stores in Metropolis that completely puzzled Clark, because while the jewelry displays were often rearranged, nothing ever came up missing. Mostly, the burglar just seemed annoying.
And then, one of the stores winds up with footage of Catwoman smiling and waving at the security camera while parading around the store wearing various necklaces. (There were a couple of pieces she thought about walking away with, but Superman wouldn’t turn a blind eye like Bruce does, so she left them be.)
Clark tracks Bruce down halfway across the world to yell at him. “Answer your DAMN PHONE!”
alright buckle up motherfuckers, i’m about to school y’all about this wonderful show called Leverage.
let’s start with the premise: they’re a bunch of criminals who come together to work as a team and to “pick up where the law leaves off.” aka: they do illegal shit to legally take out the bad guys, i.e. framing/ruining the reputation of/revealing actual law-breaking by embezzling rich politicians, dirty cops, corporations doing secret shit on the down-low, etc.
each episode is a different bad guy they need to take down for doing something terrible, and each episode they come up with a different scheme to take them out. the team consists of: the hacker, the hitter, the grifter, the thief, and the mastermind behind all their plots. they’re all thieves at one point or another, they all grift, and they all contribute to the plan, but these are their Roles. i’ll go more in-depth on the characters in a sec.
now, i know what you’re thinking already: “wow bruh this show must be edgy af, being about actual criminals doing super illegal shit???” bUT NO. THIS SHOW COULD HAVE BEEN SO DARK BASED ON THE CONCEPT, BUT IT’S LITERALLY THE NICEST, MOST ENJOYABLE SHOW EVER.
it’s also SERIOUSLY unproblematic????? like to unrealistic levels. like Nate’s alcoholism is treated with respect and not just something he “gets over,” but despite his issues, he’s held accountable for when he’s a dick, Parker is pretty clearly neurodivergent and she’s never!! forced to be anything else!!!! anyway i could go on and on.
he’s the mastermind, he’s brilliant and the genius behind each of their convoluted plans. he’s a jerk sometimes, and grouchy, but he’s got good reason, and he NEVER crosses over into “angsty white man justifies his assholery because of his Issues.” he used to work for an insurance company tracking down criminals and thieves before A Thing happened and he became the Dad of a group of them. he makes bad life choices, so i relate. also his son died and he has a rad ex-wife and he struggles with alcoholism. we love him.
she’s the grifter. she’s a great actress but only when she’s breaking the law it’s a running gag. she’s terrible on an actual stage l m a o. she’s the Mom of the group, and she and Nate are lowkey flirting the entire show. she tells it like it is, but is v compassionate. sassy af. british af. would probably console you about your husband leaving you before stealing your rare artifacts. high-class which shows in the fact that she was primarily an art thief before joining the team. i wouldn’t trust her with my jewelry, but i’d tell her all my secrets, and tbh that’s the best summary of her character that you’ll get.
hooooooooooo boy. where do i begin to describe Eliot Spencer? wel, for starters, he’s the “hitter” of the group aka he beats people up when they can’t sneak their way in or out of a place. or when things go wrong. he’s super fucking badass oh my god??? like i’m pretty sure there’s maybe only one or two times in the ENTIRE. SHOW. that he can’t win a fight?? he also has a Super Secret Dark Past bc he used to be a hitman for hire, which he regrets deeply and is happy to have changed bUT AGAIN!! IT’S NOT A WHITE MALE ANGST THING. he isn’t obsessed with attoning for his actions and his scenes aren’t eaten up with Angst and Melodrama. he also has anger issues, but again, it’s not the same stereotype that you’re used to. he controls it, and he never takes it on on anybody who doesn’t deserve it (aka the bad guys). he gets around with women but he’s not sexist?? he cares about his partners.
also he’s a hardcore chef and will Fite You about food. anyway Eliot is basically the Broody White Man With Dark Past trope turned on it’s head. he’s lovable and sarcastic and could kill a man but would prefer to make you an Omelette Du Fromage or some shit.
this is my baby. he’s a nerd and a geek and I Would Die For Him. he’s basically everything that’s good and pure in the world. the epitome of a cinnamon roll. he’s sweet and gentle and wouldn’t hurt a fly–unless that fly is a corrupt ceo personally doing dirty business, in which case that motherfucker is going down with the help of his epic hacking skills. btw did i mention he’s the hacker? yeah. he’s super fucking smart and his sense of humor could rival the sahara desert in dryness. he always makes star trek references and he has a gr8 fashion style and he irritates Eliot to no end, lmao. #platoniclifepartners, tbh. did i mention he’s the sweetest person ever? no? he is.
she’s the thief, and predictably, she loves money and expensive things. tbh she’d probably stab you faster than anybody else on the team would (and has) but also she is smol and needs to be protected. she’s a killer rabbit. she’s an oddball and in the beginning, most of the others don’t know what to make of her, but they grow used to her. she’s nd af, probably autistic, and Does Not Understand Socialization. same, Parker, same. guess what? she’s never forced into acting like somebody she’s not!! when she has to be the grifter for the con job and interact with people, she’s patiently coached by Sophie, who never belittles or mocks her, and explains it in ways she can understand. she’s weird and i love her.
did i mention how unproblematic this show is? i did? well too fucking bad because i’m gonna say it again: this show is so unproblematic. like what i already said with Nate’s addiction and Parker’s neurodivergence, but wAIT! THERE’S MORE.
Eliot hates guns–detests them–and won’t use them, he’s like constantly grabbing the mooks’ guns and unloading them and tossing them somewhere and it’s basically a huge trigger for him. and it’s always respected. also there’s scenes where like in the middle of a job Parker has to change into a costume and neither of men who are attracted to her–Eliot and Hardison–sneak a peak at her. they both look away during that shit and there is like, never any gross sexist jokes about it. or other things. i love it. also any romantic relationship that develops takes season of growth and shit. there’s nothing particularly Gay, but while heterosexual, it’s not Het.
the recurring antagonist is played by Mark Sheppard, a character called Sterling, who is basically a lawful good Crowley.
also one time they stole an entire country.
Leverage is fucking rad, and the concept is amazing and it coulda been so edgy and shit, but it’s literally so pure and sweet and friggin hilarious and about a bunch of people becoming a family and you need to watch it, my friend. now.
like immediately go google a page to watch it i’m not fucking kidding do it.
words-writ-in-starlight asked: All right listen I read all of Check Please! in...what, a couple hours this weekend and had the tremendous fortune to get an update almost right after and I just need some more screaming on my dash about Bitty and Jack, do you have Bitty and Jack feelings and do you want to dump them on me?
Years ago in my high school AP economics class I was assigned to sit in the corner of the room where I was flanked by a handful of very popular, very lazy kids. After every exam the teacher would announce (much to my chagrin) my “high score” to the class.
After a particularly challenging exam where I only scored 93%, the teacher announced that the guy to my right (let’s call him Matt) had ALSO scored 93%, his friend behind him 90%, and the friend behind HIM 90%! Needless to say I vacillated between self-doubt and suspicion for a few days before I finally “congratulated” one of the 90%‘ers on his score. With an impish grin he admitted that his friend Matt had been cheating off me for months and “thanked” me for helping “so many people do so well” in the class. The petty revenge gears started turning in my head for what seemed like ages before I replied “no problem, I’m just glad to help!”
At the next exam I put my my paper in very clear view of Matt. He had been told that I was now willing to “help” him and his friends. I circled all wrong answers while making a special mark for the correct ones. Just before the time was up, I quickly changed my answers back when nobody was looking, turned in my exam, and smugly walked back to my seat.
What I didn’t know at the time was that the cheating conspiracy didn’t just involve the kids sitting next to me, but that my answers were written down and forwarded to the next 4 periods, all of which took an identical test.
One week later a record 22 people failed the exam. Matt empathetically remarked “Oh man, did you fail too!?” I flipped over my sheet: 100%.
i want a movie of nick fury & maria hill hunting down the scattered hydra cells and completely fucking up their shit
God I want this
And I want it as a straight up road trip movie as they take out Hydra in the US.
I want all or all but the final battle scenes to be off-screen.
I want them to consist of Nick listening in on a headset while muffled screams and weapons fire is heard, while he eats a nice sandwich and smiles to himself about how he told those assholes not to cross Maria.
I want another one to consist of them being held up at gunpoint, and I want Nick to say “would you like to?” and Maria gesturing with her hands still up, saying “no no, sir, I know you’ve been wanting to all day,” and he nods and she drops to the floor to get out of the way of gunfire, a filing cabinet crashes to the ground next to her, and she pries it open to sift through the intel while the shadow of bodies flying through the air cross over the paperwork as she reads.
I want them to become a regular at a diner at the geographical center of the country, where they tend to come and regroup and get some rest. And there should be a salt-of-the-earth waitress there with a midwestern accent who flirts with them both and knows how they like their eggs and coffee. I want Nick to tell more stories about his badass Grandfather and I want more backstory about him in general.
I want them to trade off between Maria’s vehicle of choice – a black SUV that, while somewhat obvious, basically has 99% of available SHIELD tactical gear neatly stowed in the back, and Nick’s vehicle of choice – a sedan from the early 80s that makes up in sheer stopping power what it lacks in style. Scenes of them cruising through the night with extremely classy music playing low on the radio.
I want them staying off the radar in cash-only motels, sharing a bottle of whiskey while they stitch up and plan their next move.
I want them dressed to the nines in an extremely expensive hotel – I want Nick in a straight-up tuxedo – when it’s time to infiltrate and get a high level operative out of the US government.
I want them to talk shit about the Avengers, but low-key. Except for Natasha. They both agree Natasha suffers fools about as well as they do.
… maybe what I really want is a Nick Fury TV series. Hm.
also Melinda May ditches Agents of SHIELD because they don’t appreciate her, and joins this roadtrip, yes/yes?
Anonymous asked: *curtsies* Your Grace, If you were given the chance to rename 3 alcoholic beverages after punny literary references, what drinks would you rename and how would you have them called?
*Curtsies* I once went to a bar in Iowa that had a cocktail called the Hemingway and when I asked what was in it the bartender told me it was just straight rail vodka in a pint glass. Frankly I don’t think I’m going to top that.
Remember in 1993 when Jurassic Park was like…the end all, be all of special effects?
not gonna lie that still looks intimately real
I’m still somewhat convinced that someone sold their soul to create the special effects in Jurassic Park because that shit is over 20 years old and it still really, really holds up, better than the stuff in a lot of current movies, even.
Fucking witchcraft, man.
fucking look at this shit though
Literally see this post flying around with a few different responses added to the bottom each time so I’ll say it for this one myself:
THEY ACTUALLY BUILT A GIANT MASSIVELY DETAILED FUCKING ANIMATRONIC T-REX FOR ALL OF THIS THAT’S WHY THE EFFECTS ARE SO GOOD. CAUSE IT AIN’T CGI. AND IT AIN’T GUY IN A COSTUME. IT’S A BIG FUCKING ROBOT DINOSAUR. AND EVERY PART IS DESIGNED TO MOVE. IT COST LIKE HALF THE BUDGET OF THE FILM.
amazing
And they had the film it in small increments, especially in the outdoor scenes, because the rain fall kept soaking into the ‘skin’ of the rex and would slow down and mess up its movements. So they would stop filming and have a crew out there drying off this massive, fake dinosaur, and then they’d start filming again until it was too wet. Repeat until the end of the scene.
They used animatronics and detailed costumes for most if not all of the dinosaurs in the first movie.
The triceratops for instance, was also animatronic.
One of my favorite anecdotes I’ve read on tumblr is how the t-rex robot from Jurassic park would malfunction while it was drying out. How did it malfunction, you might wonder?
Motherfucker randomly started moving.
So apparently if you were on the jp set you would sometimes hear people screaming bloody murder even though they were all well aware that it was a giant animatronic puppet and wouldn’t actually, you know, eat them.
Did not know this, had to reblog for awesome movie history insights.
So, I knew about the animatronics bit but I did not know the raptors were guys in suits and the malfunctioning t-rex sounds terrifying.
And i just googled malfunctioning t-rexand was not disappointed. Apparently in order to put the skin on over the steel frame a guy had to crawl inside thet-rex while it was turned on and glue the skin down. And if somebody turned the t-rex off or the power went out the guy in the t-rex stood a very real chance of getting mangled and killed by the hydraulics.
So of course, the power goes out.
And this guy is still in there gluing the skin down.
Apparently the way to survive getting sheered to death by huge sheets of metal while you’re inside a giant t-rex robot is to curl into a ball and hope for the best.
And this guy hoped for the best and got it.
Some other people on stage pried open the t-rex jaws and glue guy crawled out of its mouth and was totally okay.
This is getting better and better.
I think they only had like 6 minutes of CGI
I’m just waiting for the T-Rex to come to life and leave its stand.
concept: instead of Kylo Ren getting a redemption arc, we get a Captain Phasma redemption arc
but not like, “ok she’s good now and made of sweetness and rainbows and she had a really tough childhood and didn’t know what she was doing” kind of way.
but like
Captain Phasma leaves the First Order, not because she’s necessarily morally opposed to its callous slaughter of innocents, but because she and Hux are barely holding the organization together; all they ever do is clean up after Kylo’s tantrums, and at some point Kylo (probably under Snoke’s orders) comes up with a plan that is so utterly ridiculous that Phasma is like “f this shit I’m out.”
only what no one counted on are the number of Stormtroopers who are completely and utterly loyal to Phasma and Phasma alone because dammit, she’s a good commander. She’s terrible to the ones who don’t fit in or don’t live up to standards, of course, but that just means that the First Order’s most ruthless and efficient soldiers are defecting to follow Phasma.
because Phasma may be cruel, be she at least understands that there have to be limits to cruelty in order to lead effectively. Really, she’s more practical than cruel, and destroying perfectly functional computer equipment in a fit of rage, or killing underlings for minor infractions (may or may not be canon, but it’s the sort of thing you’d expect from KR) is simply not practical.
and so with Phasma gone and Kylo in charge, Phasma suddenly finds herself fighting against the First Order. At first it was simply self-defense as they tried to hunt her down as a deserter, but when she quickly proved herself more than a match for them, it turned into a guerrilla war to take them down - it is, after all, the practical thing to do.
so that is how Phasma and Leia find themselves on the same side, and of course the practical thing to do is for them to team up. It’s an uneasy truce, and Phasma and Finn make a deliberate effort to avoid each other - neither ever ends up forgiving the other, despite being allies. Phasma and Leia never come to like each other, either, but there is a grudging respect.
and after everything, when the First Order is finally taken down, Phasma and her soldiers are offered pardons for their service, which they accept. They become mercenaries, which has much better pay and job security than the First Order did. And if a lot of their dealings are on the shady side of the law, it’s never quite severe enough of an infraction for anyone to want to risk going after them.
seriously, i don’t actually want her to be good; give me “cool motive, still murder” Phasma. Let her be the villain who is undeniably evil but that everyone still loves.
