Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: Goddamn, i did not know you spoke latin properly. i only know like two phrases. i am so glad anon is a thing that exists rn.

OH ALSO ANON

IF YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FLIRT IN LATIN SOME MORE

I WROTE A BRIEF PRIMER A LONG TIME AGO

words-writ-in-starlight:

Pfffft, corculum, let’s not pretend “ability to talk dirty in Latin” is a life skill here, okay?  I took a couple years and read some Catullus/Virgil, and then our teacher had us translate erotica as a reward for all of us doing well on a test.  He’s a weird dude.

But on the other hand I’ve been pretty depressed tonight and talking dirty in a dead language made me feel good about myself, so gratias tibi ago, corculum meum, teque amo.

THIS IS MY TIME TO SHINE.  HERE IS HOW YOU SEXT IN LATIN.

GREETING FIRST: Salve, puer pulcher/puella pulchra/hominis dulcis.  (Hey, pretty boy/pretty girl/sweet person. Latin is inherently gendered but both hominis and dulcis are ‘neuter’ so.)  

EVERYBODY LIKES FLATTERY: Facies splendidissimus habes.  (You have the most amazing face.)  

BE BLUNT: Visne me futere/pedicare?  (Do you want to fuck me/have anal with me?  Use as applicable)

INVITATION: Domus meus vacuus est lectusque meus frigus te sine est, si vis visitare.  (My house is empty and my bed is cold without you, if you want to come over.)

Go forth and seduce people with your Latin.  I also recommend this poem if you want to piss someone off and learn some Latin vulgarities (teaches ‘to fuck’, ‘to face-fuck,’ ‘to have anal/sodomize,’ ‘bottom/catamite,’ etc.) and this one if you want to be romantic and seduce someone (genuinely beautiful love poetry and imagery, also lovely when read aloud).

Anonymous asked: Goddamn, i did not know you spoke latin properly. i only know like two phrases. i am so glad anon is a thing that exists rn.

Pfffft, corculum, let’s not pretend “ability to talk dirty in Latin” is a life skill here, okay?  I took a couple years and read some Catullus/Virgil, and then our teacher had us translate erotica as a reward for all of us doing well on a test.  He’s a weird dude.

But on the other hand I’ve been pretty depressed tonight and talking dirty in a dead language made me feel good about myself, so gratias tibi ago, corculum meum, teque amo.

Anonymous asked: Cubitum eamus?

Awww, corculum meum, urbanissimum es.  Con me futuere vis?  Lectus commodus habeo.  Te alligam, si vis.

murhuedur:

Just think while you been getting down and out about Caesar’s use of the Ablative Absolute and Cicero’s lengthy speeches you could have been getting down

TO THIS

SICK

BEAT

*starts scanning a line written in dactylic hexameter*

VIRGIL, MY MAN

(via skymurdock)

awed-frog:

Honestly, though, the best part of teaching Greek mythology is that soft ‘huh’ coming from behind you as you’re finishing up a diagram of the gods and the relationships they have between them.

“Is something wrong?” you ask, turning around while you try, and fail, to clean white chalk off your fingers.

“It’s just,” the boy says, and then he blushes a bit, because people taking Latin are usually good and shy and the last thing they want is to get into a fight with a teacher. “Those two characters here - aren’t they both men?”

And okay, at this point everybody’s paying attention except the resident class child - that one girl who still has to uses four different colours for everything she writes and will get upset if you point out she should only use black or blue when filling in exams. So, yeah, you look at the boy, and then at everybody else, and then you turn back, pretend to check.

“Yes, they are,” you say, frowning, as if you never had to answer that question before.

“So why is there a double line between them?”

“Because they were in a relationship at some point. Double lines are for sex, remember? Single lines are kids and parents, and double lines are lovers.”

Someone giggles. The two kids whose parents bring them along to weird art exhibitions - the ones who’ve grown up hearing frank political discussions and the occasional dirty joke - are now looking collected and a bit smug. The others are losing it, and fast - they look at the board, as if only just noticing the thing, and then at you.

“So, they were like, gay?” someone else asks, and it’s always a girl asking this question, because ‘gay’ is just something boys aged 14 and a half never use - a Voldemort word, something that’s on your lips today and on everybody else’s tomorrow.

And this, of course, is the moment you’ve been waiting for - what the lesson was actually about. You wouldn’t plan a lesson around that, but you will mention the subject if it comes up, and so you start talking, about all of it - about sexual orientation being a cultural construct, about the Greek language not even having a term for ‘gay’ and ‘straight’, about warriors falling in love with each other and neglecting their teenage wives, about the fact our society is still coming to terms with something people have known in their hearts for millennia - that there’s no choosing and no free will, not about this. About how the most important thing is to respect yourself and each other, and the rest doesn’t matter all that much.

Statistically, in every class there’s a kid who’s struggling with this. Maybe two. Here things are not as bad as they could be, but it’s still hard, especially when you’re fourteen and you think you may be the only one and you don’t want to be different and how the hell can you even have a conversation about these things, with anyone?

And sometimes when you talk about these things - and dedicated teachers will find a way to include this speech somehow, because you never know who might need an ally, and who might need to hear it said out loud - teachers who loves their kids will mention the issue when discussing Michelangelo and Leonardo and Shakespeare and the Iliad - sometimes you see exactly who these kids are. Sometimes you see them looking at you, wide-eyed and fearful and yet full to the brim with that Go on look that’s so endearing on any kind of student. And sometimes all you see is their floppy hair, because they will keep scribbling in their notebooks and pretending like this is uninteresting and embarrassing and Oh my God, but the tips of their ears are getting red, and you find yourself hoping they’ll get a hug today, because they really need it.

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

mama-bird:

coffeeandklonopin:

coffeeandklonopin:

carpe diem - seize the day

carpe noctem - seize the night

carpe natem - seize the ass

Seriously, if you guys don’t stop reblogging this I am going to carpe someone’s neck and break it.

carpe collum - seize the neck

(Source: caffeineandcartridges, via lupinatic)

dukeofbookingham:

berhanes:

berhanes:

things my impossibly young looking Roman history lecturer has said

‘listen to your seminar tutors over the booklet, but only for seminars - in lectures i am king. unless you have me as a seminar tutor as well, in which case i am your king and god.’

‘has anybody played Rome: Total War? no?’

‘Cataline tried to burn the city and everyone he hated but he failed because, in short, nobody liked him.’

‘the mediterranean diet didn’t include tomatoes in the ancient world. i know. oh my god. i know.’

‘so of course when Hannibal turns up, the senate goes ‘sod it, lets kick his arse’.’

‘one man’s optimates is another man’s silver-spoon bearing prick.’

‘we don’t have much information about the 70s BC, largely because Plutarch doesn’t care.’

‘i’m not saying Rome: Total War is entirely accurate, but its battle campaigns are surprisingly historically informed.’

[hand drawing a map in chalk because the projector is broken] ‘i’ll give it a go, this is why i hate technology, and oh. well. that’s not italy.’

‘every army needs bakers and prostitutes, this is just a fact of life.’

‘Sulla. He’s a bit of a badass, but also a bit of a prick.’ 

‘yes, that is a slide from Spartacus. The film, not the series, which is more accurate and less like soft porn.’

‘the Romans liked Campania because its very fertile. they didn’t know this was because of its proximity to a volcano - poor buggers found THAT out later.’

‘Crassus gets given command of Syria and high fives everyone in the senate.’

‘Catullus was very pithy, very hellenistic in style. unlike the Iliad, which is 24 books of tedium.’

‘An Afternoon at Carrhae: the Romans being shot at repeatedly by Parthian cavalry because if there’s one thing the Romans aren’t good at, it’s having a cavalry.’

‘It’s good to have fast legs in war. Caesar moves very fast, not unlike Napoleon. The Usain Bolt of ancient warfare. I’m not sure why I said that, it’s an atrocious analogy.’

‘Athens is the Edinburgh of the ancient world; it has nothing to offer but education and pretty buildings.’

‘Shout out to those of you who spent your teenage years playing Rome: Total War.Which is what I did.’ 

‘The senate go into a panic and they decide to flee Rome at dawn, but some idiot forgets the treasury. I know. Ridiculous.’

‘Again: don’t use elephants during warfare. They’re not as cool as they look. And given they’re now endangered, it’d just be mean.’ 

‘I had to use this meme, I’m sorry. You’re all aware of the one does not simply walk into mordor meme right? I’m sorry, we’ll move on.’

‘I put this photo in for dramatic effect but I realise that it’s just a field. I don’t know why people bother going to see battle sites, they’re all really boring. I saw bones once, they were quite interesting. But most battle sites: boring.’

‘Caesar doesn’t tell Rome anything while he’s away in Egypt for a year, so they have no idea Pompey’s dead. All they know is that Antony is being a pain in the ass, which is, in all honesty, not unusual for Antony.’

‘Caesar is very good at one liners. You always draft a pithy one liner before a battle so you have something to say when you win. You don’t want to win and then just be like ‘whoo, thank god for that.’’

I want to be this professor except with Shakespeare

(Source: sqvalors)