It’s really worrisome when the fucking Victorians understood something like this better than half the modern population tbh
All those dude bros claiming to be ‘’’chivalrous'’‘ need to read this and tattoo it on their foreheads so they stop forgetting it
So I did a google search to be sure this was legit and it is, from “American Etiquette and Rules of Politeness” by Walter Raleigh Houghton.
So that’s pretty cool.
It follows that up with “The proper course is to treat her with respect, but withdraw as much as possible from the circles in which she moves, so as not to cause her painful reminisces.”
sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.
“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.
“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.
when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.
if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.
you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.
This is the most carefully-nuanced discussion of this I think I have ever seen. Thank you for writing this.
May you write 1,500 words with ease. May your characters be lively and not cardboard. May you need little editing. May your muse visit you as soon as you sit. May the Internet not distract you much. May your phone lie dormant while you write.
okay, time to get real here. i know a lot of people have been on an archive of our own before, i know a lot of people write and post to an archive of our own, so i know it’s not a matter of nobody knowing what i’m talking about. i’m going to introduce to you a novel concept tho
ship tag etiquette:
1. don’t tag in your secondary and minor ships. if your main ship in the fic is loki x hawkeye, awesome; tag that, and anyone looking for loki x hawkeye will basically know your fic is the place to go. if your main ship in the fic is loki x hawkeye, but you also tag the 4 other ships you mention in like one sentence out of the 50k fic you just wrote, then there are going to be a lot of people out there coming to your fic thinking oh hey, at last a thor x sif fanfic sign me up only to find out fast they’re wrong.
2. don’t tag in your
secondary and
minor ships. it doesn’t matter if you dedicate those motherfucking sideships one paragraph out of 53, that’s like promising starving fic readers a treat and giving them a fucking pea. one pea. just one. maybe they are looking for fics with the actual ship whose tag they’re searching in, rather than:
fics where their ship is used as a stepping stone to get to the main one
fics where their ship is tagged in because the writer thinks one mention makes it a ‘minor ship’ (IT DOESN’T, it’s just A MENTION OF IT)
fics where their ship is only tacked on to keep those characters busy and the main character of your fic only thinks about that ship in passing twice
fics where their ship is brought apart, by death or break up or infidelity, in any part of the fic just for the sake of the main ship to happen.
3. don’t tag in your
secondary and
minor ships. it’s just fucking rude. if i wanna get my rocks off reading superhot natasha romanoff x lady sif porn, do you know what i can find by going to their ship tag? DISAPPOINTMENT. because rather than learning that there are three/four fics focusing on their spacewives sex life, i have to sift through the mILLIONTY ONE HUNDRED fics already there, who center around loki. if i wanted to read about loki I’D JUST OPEN THE GODDAMN MCU TAG, IT’S ALL PEOPLE EVER WRITE ABOUT ANYWAY.
4. don’t tag in your
secondary and
minor ships. i don’t care if you’ve done it once or twice, i don’t care if you think it’s necessary. it’s not. if you think it’s necessary, you know what you could do? add a note at the beginning. a OH BY THE WAY GUYS THISFIC WILL ALSO INCLUDE SOME SIDE SHIPS SUCH AS […] or you can let the readers figure it out.
5. don’t tag in your
secondary and
minor ships. because those of us who go into those tags looking for fics about them where they’re appreciated and portrayed well and are the main focus will be left facing the origin of our supervillain story. every. single. day.
6. if you’ve tagged in
secondary and
your minor ships: do us all and yourself a favour and go delete them. do it now. edit them now. you’ll be thanked, and most importantly, you’ll be appreciated twice: once by you readers, once by the people who don’t have to get annoyed anymore at seeing fics promising them an apple and giving them a fucking pea.
When boys complain about bra straps being distracting, and start comparing it to pulling out their cock, do they fucking realise that a bra is underwear, not genitalia? And the equivalent would be them walking around with their pants so low that their boxers are showing, which they would never do… OH WAIT
I rewatched The Avengers today and I finally realized why Steve is such an ass. I can’t believe I never understood before.
Steve literally crashed a plane into a glacier over the Tesseract. He lost his best friend and the opportunity to be with the love of his life over the Tesseract. Of course he’s pissed off and unwilling to help when Fury comes to bother him about the fucking Tesseract.
This is the same fight he fought in during WWII. It’s the fight they told him he won when they defrosted him. Of course he’s mad. Probably betrayed and frustrated, too.
I was always disappointed in The Avengers for depicting Steve this way and now I’m embarrassed because I never understood the reasoning behind it. I’ve seen the light.
Not only that, but at the time of The Avengers, Steve has been out of the ice for two weeks. He lost his best friend, the love of his life, everyone and everything he’s ever known two weeks ago. He fought Red Skull and saw the Tesseract vaporise him into thin air two weeks ago.
And then Fury interrupts Steve’s PTSD flashback at the gym to tell him S.H.I.E.L.D. found the Tesseract and promptly lost it to yet another villain bent on world destruction, and Steve is all Jesus F. Christ, I JUST did this!
And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Steve discovers that S.H.I.E.L.D. was using the Tesseract to build HYDRA weapons of mass destruction (because S.H.I.E.L.D. is HYDRA, shhh!).
It hasn’t been two weeks since Steve saw whole army battalions vaporised and smashed a plane into the Arctic Ocean to prevent the exact same weapons of mass destruction from reaching New York! And here they are again! In New York, in the hands of his supposed “allies,” who lied to him about their purpose for wanting the Tesseract back!
Steve doesn’t like bullies, he doesn’t care where they’re from. In The Avengers, he realises he’s working for the new bullies and doesn’t have a choice if he wants to save humanity.
So yeah, Steve is pissed. He f–ing hates that f–ing Tesseract, and he’s 100000% done with it and with S.H.I.E.L.D. making all the same mistakes again.
You just never know when someone will split their head open
Or cut their finger while cooking
And so on
See that membrane there?
While the blood is gushing - hold pressure and crack open an egg
Peel that there membrane off and put it on the wound (continue holding pressure)
The membrane will harden and keep the wound closed until you can get to the ER for stitches
If you even need them that is
Further proof that nature gives us everything we need
You’re welcome.
I see this going around all the time but
NO THIS IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY TRUE. MEMBRANE FROM AN EGG WILL NOT HARDEN AND CLOT BLEEDING LIKE A BANDAID ON A WOUND THAT IS GUSHING.
PLEASE DON’T TRY THIS, IF SOMEONE IS GUSHING BLOOD GET A TOWEL, APPLY PRESSURE, AND CALL FOR OR FIND HELP.
On top of that there is likely to be BACTERIA IN OR ON THE MEMBRANE THAT CAN GET TRANSFERRED INTO THE WOUND.
Like
yes you could POSSIBLY do this to like a pin prick or a small cut but
you STILL wouldn’t want to due to the serious risk of introducing bacteria directly into your wound.
Also just
as a note, the study that brought about this notion?? IT USED ALL OF 18
PEOPLE, TOTAL to test this theory and after a few successes with small
wounds they called it a day.
Whats more this study was done in a STERILE HOSPTIAL ENVIRONMENT with IRRADIATED EGGS. Your eggs are not radiation treated. Your kitchen is not sterile.
I don’t know how I feel about authors who write constant unhappiness for their characters.
It doesn’t have to be happiness and rainbows all the time, because obviously there will be no conflict if constant happiness. But, Jesus, there needs to be some hope.
I hope you don’t mind if I
jump in and say: I can’t stand it.
The problem, in my opinion,
is that these kind of stories – the ones where the heroes never seem to catch a
break –now fall under the blanket term of “gritty realism”.
In the past couple of years “gritty realism” has become a really
popular theme, not just in books, but across all media. At first it was great
and refreshing, especially when it was done well. But now, it’s so overdone
that it’s become its own cliché. It has somehow evolved from stories that reflected
the true dark side of humanity and how sometimes there are no happy endings, to
stories that literally put characters through hell only to put them in even
worse hell after they climb out of it, with absolutely no hope, no future,
nothing going for them. That is not the same thing and the fact that we are
sold these super depressing stories sold under the terms of “gritty realism” is
kind of bullshit.
It’s one thing when things look bleak and it seems like there’s
no way out, that is fantastic in terms of suspense and heart-string pulling.
But if that’s all the book is then what the hell are they fighting for? What is
the point of all their pain? I know that life isn’t all sunshine and
butterflies, but let’s be honest it’s not all hell-fire and pain either. I as a
reader want to know that there’s hope for these characters however little. I
want a fucking payoff for their pain. Even if they don’t get their happy
ending, I want their pain to mean something. I don’t want to ride a
roller-coaster that only goes down. I have quit books, movies, and shows
because as a very empathetic person the situations and the hopelessness of
their lives have made me feel depressed.
So I’d
like these creators selling their sadomasochism as “gritty realism” to fucking
stop.
