Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: Cat Cat Cat! Purim is coming up soon. Can you tell us the Purim story, with swears?

spaceisprettycool:

swanjolras-archive:

oh my god, is this my thing now. OKAY, fair warning, this one’s gonna be… real long.

OKAY SO LIKE. way back in the waybackwhen, we’ve been kicked outta judea for the… first? second? first time. (we got kicked out of israel/judea a… few times. we got kicked out of spain twice, we got kicked out of the netherlands three times, we got kicked out of france and bavaria five times, we got kicked out of mainz in particular four times

god bless the gentiles honestly they’re god’s appointed travel agency. ANYWAY)

so we’re in persia. and we’re under the rule of king ahasueare– king ahahasay– king ahasueueueueue-

KING AHASARARUARAUAEREASS, who is having a Party

and king ahdahahaah has a wife, vashti, who is among the hottest women in the whole country.

king aheshhh, who is quite drunk at this point, is like VASHTI. VASHTI I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND HAVE FUN AT THIS PARTY. I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND DANCE FOR US AND WEAR YOUR CROWN

vashti is like ughhhhhhhh FINE

king aaaaaaahhahaha is like …ONLY YOUR CROWN

vashti is like …not fine

so, because this is ancient persia and men are terrible, vashti is promptly divorced and king aughjesus decides to hold the Country’s Biggest Beauty Contest, where the Most Beautiful Women in Persia will all audition to be his wife!!! (I TOLD YOU MEN WERE TERRIBLE)

MEANWHILE haman, a smug motherfucker with a three-pointed hat, is a councillor for the king. haman, because ancient persia does not have any kind of government that could be labeled “sensible”, makes a law that says Everyone In This Country Must Bow Down To Me When I Pass, because Reasons.

BUT, guess who does not bow down to people, you guessed right, it is the jews. chiefly and specifically in this instance an equally smug (but much less powerful) motherfucker by the name of mordecai.

haman passes mordecai, is like “you don’t look like you’re bowing??? that is not a bow shape??? exPLAIN.” mordecai is like “r u god? i don’t think yr god? i think god would have better taste in hats? so”

so haman is plotting like a motherfucker, which he is, and mordecai is Mad Afraid, but there is no time for plotting or fear because guess what it’s beauty contest time, motherfuckers

and guess who mordecai has enrolled in it, it is HIS NIECE, ESTHER

esther is hotter than vashti, but, like, in a chiller way. in my head, samira wiley. (in my head, esther is a lesbian. in my head esther is my girlfriend. right. ANYWAY)

king ahooleyhoo immediately picks esther, as she is the Most Beautiful Woman In A Ten Thousand Mile Radius (as are all jews OBVIOUSLY), and she is taken up into the palace to be the most beautiful and powerful woman in a ten thousand mile radius. and she is also mad smart, so

meanwhile haman has finished his Plotting and has resulted in this: he is going to get revenge against mordecai by Killing All The Jews.

“oh yeah,” say the jews. “real original.”

mordecai goes, well, coincidentally, i happen to have a niece who is the queen of persia. and ollies over like ESTHER? ESTHER HAMAN IS PLOTTING TO KILL US ALL. ALL THE JEWS. DO SOMETHING

esther is like, i have a solution to this. the solution involves getting naked.

so she holds a banquet for her husband the king, and at the banquet is like WOW… GOSH… I’M VERY NAKED… AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BANQUET. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A LOT OF SEX AND GOOD FOOD, DARLING HUSBAND

darling husband is like fuck yes, gets drunk as shit. esther is like okay. yes. now that you are full of good food and heavily sexed up, can i have a thing. can that thing be that you vow to protect me from anyone who wants to kill me

…sure, says king aheshehaara. sg.

great, says esther. havin a banquet tomorrow night too. be there or be square

king ajldfghfdghk;dfghufgsdoi has no desire to be square, so he comes to the banquet tomorrow night to find that esther has also invited… HAMAN? “well,” he thinks to himself, “i have never pictured this threesome before, but y’know, life is a rich tapestry”

but eventually esther goes “ah okay remember that promise to protect me from anyone who would kill me. what if i told you. i knew a dude who would do that thing”

“I WOULD SUPER KILL THAT DUDE,” says king ahassafrass, who has exactly 2 problem-solving methods

“great,” says esther. “what if i told you… THIS IS THE DUDE.” AND SHE POINTS AT THE DUDE. WHO IS HAMAN. WHO IS AT THE TABLE!!!

!!!!! says king ahahahahhfewsse.

!!!!!! says esther.

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ says haman.

so esther REVEALS SHE IS A JEW! and that haman is implicitly PLOTTING TO KILL HER! (“i didn’t– I WAS NOT AWARE,” says haman. “WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING CHECKED THEN,” says esther. “OR WAIT. ANOTHER SOLUTION. IT’S DAWNING ON ME. AN EPIPHANY. YOU COULD NOT KILL PEOPLE”)

the king has haman hanged on the gallows on which he was planning to hang all the jews. and guess who is instituted as councillor in his place, that’s right, MORDECAI

who declares that the anniversary of Us Not Being Dead shall be celebrated every year forever with dressing up in costumes, and also that we shall eat little cookies shaped like haman’s hat, and also that whenever haman’s name is mentioned we will yell like hell

hey, says king aharseadslic. could, theoretically, this holiday include getting so drunk you can’t tell the difference between mordecai and haman

…i guess so, says mordecai

right, says king ahasuerus. carry on, haman

AND SO WE CONTINUE THESE TRADITIONS OF EATING COOKIES, WEARING COSTUMES, AND GETTIN SLOSHED, even SCATTERED ACROSS THE WORLD; and yes, i will be spending my thursday gettin drunk on my way to rome

so pour yrself a whiskey, put on a fake beard, and raise a glass: it’s purim 5776, and guess what, motherfuckers? 

you still ain’t managed to kill us yet.

A+ A+ A+

queenglossophile:

Florence + the Machine has three moods: float etheral and untouchable through a misty forest, twirl in a magnificent waltz of joy through the stars of the universe, or sMASH SHIT GET HIT HERE’S THE HURRICANE SUCKAS

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

Why Mental Illness Doesn’t Excuse Abusive Behavior

edcynic:

Back during a time when my mental illness was at its worst, I was extremely emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to my now husband, then boyfriend. Behaviors I would exhibit (and am not proud of):

• Slapping him
• Name calling
• Throwing furniture
• Guilt tripping  him
  
• Shaming him
• Becoming extremely possessive over him, checking his messages, emails, and becoming irrationally upset when he would communicate with any female
• Become extremely resentful when he would spend more time with his family than me
• Text or call him at inappropriate times and would become suspicious angry when he wouldn’t respond ASAP
• Blame him for all of my shortcomings (if he wasn’t so _____, I wouldn’t behave this way!)

That’s just a SHORT list of the things I put him through, not even taking into consideration the eating disorder part of my mental health.

And to make it perfectly clear, there was nothing my husband ever did to warrant or justify any of my behavior. That man has never hit me, yelled at me, manipulated me, shamed me, called me names, become jealous, kept me from spending time with other people, etc. He’s treated me like a queen for the last 11 years, and it wasn’t until I did some deep recovery work that I realized 100% of my behaviors had all to do with me and nothing to do with him. I’m surprised he stuck with me, and although I am eternally grateful that he did, it took a long time for me to not only make amends to him, but to change my behaviors in order to finally come to a place of sanity within my relationship.

Here’s the thing:

Even though a large part of my behavior had to do with mental illness, my husband deserved 0% of it. Regardless if you are sick or not, your behaviors affect other people. If your illness “makes” you abusive, you are still abusive. If my husband decided to press charges for me slapping him in the face, telling authorities, “BUT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS!” would not absolve me of the fact that I physically assaulted another human being.

People are hurt all the time due to the shitty things people do because of their illnesses, and they can’t just tell themselves, “Well, they are sick, so I have to deal with it.” or “I can’t let it affect me because I have to understand they are sick.” Like, no. People do not have to do that. They are not obligated to support and/or stay with you if they cannot deal or cope with how you act within your illness.

People are not obligated to be punching bags just because you are sick, especially if you do nothing to change or manage your behaviors.

(via lupinatic)

mythicallovely:

I’ve looked at synesthesia a few times in the past in psychology classes and just for personal research and I’ve never thought I had it but I had never heard of lexical-gustatory (words/sounds having a taste) until today’s episode and like…that’s something I’ve always experienced. Like I always just assumed that I had a really weird and intense sense of imagery or something.

But the word “good” tastes like a cold, sweet, flowery, juicy pear; “San Diego” tastes like waffles; the voice of the pastor of the church I went to grade school at tasted like tomato sauce (I would get so hungry during chapel services that my stomach would start rumbling); “cherry” tastes cold and sharp and syrupy sweet, like a slushy; the voice of a girl that went to my church when I was little tasted like biting into a crisp, cold Granny Smith apple when she said certain words; I made a post awhile ago (I’ll try to link to it later when I’m not on mobile) about how RandL’s voices together taste like eating fries with a milkshake.

And it’s all a subconscious thing. Like it’s just always been the natural, automatic response to hearing/seeing certain words/voices. But how do I know if it’s something I have or if I’m just like…trying too hard? Like I don’t want to be one of those people who are like, “oh look at how special/different/unique I am I have this thing that you’ve never heard of,” because people pretending they’re a certain way for attention is one of the most irritating things in the world to me, but like I really feel like this could be a legitimate thing…? But I don’t want to be one of those people if it’s not…?

Okay, sweetie, I feel for you.  I have synesthesia in a couple forms (I see words spin in my mind’s eye when I listen to someone talk, and voices or music have colors that look like those sound wave things, sometimes numbers or numerical patterns have musical notes, and people have colors–it’s weird but like my mother is dark green and my dad is dark blue and my roommate is bright green and my friend is dark orange, and the colors seem…pretty much baseless although I’ve never liked bright pink or bright orange people much) and I had EXACTLY THAT FREAK OUT.  Like, when I’m on the spot I have trouble putting it into words, so I kind of went “right, I’m fooling myself into thinking I’m unique, bad Moran, no biscuit.”  But…like…once you start paying attention to it, it’s hard to ignore.  So finally I went to my psych teacher and described it and she was like “you have synesthesia” and I blinked at her and went “but it’s not strong enough to be synesthesia” and she gave me what I think is still some of the best advice I’ve ever heard on the subject.

It’s your brain.  You’ve always had it.  If one sense hooks into another sense in any way, it’s going to feel normal to you, and it might be totally unremarkable to you because you’ve always been this way.  You feel me?  It’s the same as when my therapist was like “Novel thought, possibly part of the reason exams and busy work are hard for you is because you’re ADHD” and my response was (I kid you not) “Everyone has trouble sitting still for more than ten minutes.”  Until someone brought it up with me, I thought it was perfectly normal that I can’t sit still for more than ten minutes or concentrate on a single thing for more than ten minutes, because it just…never occurred to me.  

Fortunately, synesthesia is 100% subjective and based on your own experiences, so here’s the only question you need to answer to put your concerns to bed (not permanently, these concerns will be back, but less often maybe).  Do you recall this phenomenon of words–>tastes happening before you found the phrase ‘lexical-gustatory synesthesia?’  If so, then it’s not your brain manifesting things to make you feel ‘special,’ no matter how much you worry about such a thing.  Please collect your party hat and club jacket on the table to your left.

(Source: mythicoffee, via ailleee)