Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: the borgias for the asks?

FOLKS THIS IS GONNA GET NSFW FAIR WARNING.

For this meme, which I love.

name ur politically correct ship that no one ever questions

…is there even such a thing in Borgias?  Um…I think not.  How about my ‘supported by canon’ ship, which is Cesare/Lucrezia.

now name ur trash ship

CESARE/MICHELETTO.  But like specifically in this really complicated power dynamic where Cesare’s emotions are all tangled up with his overwhelming need to prove that he’s in control of something, of anything, and God, Micheletto offers up his throat to the knife as sweetly and obediently as a lamb raised for the slaughter and Cesare loves that equally as much as anything else.  And Micheletto loves Cesare like a man worshiping his god, inextricable and helpless and sacrificial, a love that’s all about loyalty and penance and going to his knees and blood on the altar.

and ur really trashy im-going-to-hell ship

Cesare/Micheletto/Lucrezia, in which Cesare loves Lucrezia and Lucrezia loves Cesare and Micheletto loves Cesare so much (see above) and he would die for Lucrezia, at first because Cesare loves her and later because Micheletto is loyal to her himself (he does not want her the way they both want Cesare, and cannot love her the way he loves Cesare because there is only space in his heart for one love like that, but they find a common ground in Cesare and Micheletto would do a great many things to keep Lucrezia’s lily-white hands clean of blood), and Lucrezia’s children calls them both Uncle and Micheletto is bemused by this while Cesare is pained and it’s just all really complicated and awful and yeah, no one is really at ease but they’re happier than they could ever otherwise be.

This ship gets 100000% messier better when you add the fact that both Cesare and Lucrezia are married to the mix.  Because can you imagine the deals and maneuvering that have to be done in order to keep the balance copacetic.

who is your cinnamon roll fave who everyone loves

Oh, Paolo, my poor boy.  And also Djem.  All these people Juan “Fuck-ass” Borgia has killed.  Does Lucrezia count, or does she lose Cinnamon Roll status after she commits cold-blooded murder?

who is your sinnamon roll fave who everyone loves to hate/hates to love

…I don’t…I don’t even know.  There is no fandom to speak of, so I’m not sure who would fall into this category.  Giulia.  Rodrigo/Alexander VI.  

who is your trash fave who is so problematic they probably have hate tumblrs dedicated to them

EVERYONE.  ALL OF THEM.  ESPECIALLY MICHELETTO AND CESARE.  BUT TBH YOU DON’T WATCH THIS DUMPSTER FIRE OF A SHOW FOR THE CINNAMON ROLLS.

what is ur  guiltiest guilty fave fandom

This one?????

what is the fic you want to write/read but can’t because it is too full of Sin

Oh my buddy my dude it’s all here?  Like, there is no fic I can think of that’s more sinful than the show.

…oh wait, no, AU where Cesare and Lucrezia happen sooner and she sneaks into the confessional and sucks him off while he’s wearing his cardinal’s vestments, and the whole fic is heavily laden with imagery of Lucrezia as both Madonna and supplicant and also of Intercession and some complicated feelings about God, and Cesare being very VERY conflicted about his sister’s glorious golden hair spread across the blood red of his vestments.

There, I hope that was gratifying for everyone.

what is the most sinful fic you have ever read/written

I swear TO GOD that I am still writing that one porn fic with Micheletto and Cesare and scars as heraldry and the giving of orders and sexually tense removal of vestments.

what is the worst thing you want to become canon (character death, trash-ship etc)

Literally every single thing in this post, but tbh all my darkest desires are fulfilled within like the first two episodes when Micheletto takes a cat ‘o nine tails and hands it to Cesare and looks him dead in the eye as he says, “So whip me, my lord.”

what is your most sinful headcanon

Cesare has always had a powerful preference for blondes, the more golden their hair, the better.  He has a recurring dream about a beautiful woman sitting above him on a bed of gold cloth, her hair falling around them both as she kisses his lips and he fucks her.  His preference for fair-haired women is common knowledge.  The fact that it stems from a dream about his sister is not.  

Furthermore, I definitely agree with Wilde that Cesare has definitely had a dream about fucking his sister’s hair.  Cesare has a thing for his sister’s hair.

As for Cesare/Micheletto, c’mon now, we can all agree that they’ve fucked while he was wearing his vestments more than once.

what is your cutest headcanon

Um…when they were younger, Lucrezia taught Cesare how to braid her hair.  He still remembers, it’s A Thing.  I also recognize that this is not so much ‘cute’ in light of the previous answer.

what is your heart-breakingist head canon

THE END OF THE MOVIE SCRIPT????

Oh, and obviously the fact that none of the Borgias really believe in God (they observe the traditions, but even the Pope doesn’t really have faith) save for Cesare, who believes with all his heart in the prayers and sacraments he says every day, and believes with all his heart that he’s going to Hell, and sides with his father and his family anyway.  I find that very tragic.

what is ur crackiest crack ship

Cesare/Good Sense, tied with Lucrezia/Consistent And Prolonged Happiness

what is ur marginally less cracky crack ship

Cesare/Craftiness, which is tied with Micheletto/Religion, because you want to talk about people who definitely believe in God and definitely do terrible things anyway and basically just have a profoundly complicated relationship with religion and kind of approach murder as a religious connection not unlike that of a confessor to a supplicant, Micheletto’s your boy.  CAN YOU TELL THAT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A L O T.

what is ur favourite ridiculous au

Um…this Temeraire AU from @wildehacked.  (Incidentally, in the Black Sails Temeraire AU, Miranda would be a dragon and Flint is her captain’s beloved and when her captain is cruelly ripped away from them both, she and Flint escape because Miranda can’t stand another captain and Flint just needs out and it’s all very terrible.  I digress.)

Also, I’m really a sucker for daemon AUs!  I have no idea what this one would look like except that Micheletto would have a hunting hound, the kind of rangy mixed-breed creature whose jaws can crack bone and whose loyalty stretches beyond the grave, and everyone believes that Rodrigo Borgia/Alexander VI has a white dove.  (The snake he keeps quite literally up his sleeve is a melanistic asp.  Cesare thinks this is funny, in a bitter sort of way.)

seagreeneyes:

gingerbludger:

littlewadoo:

floralfaun:

achilles owning a shirt that says ‘if lost return to patroclus’ and patroclus owning the ‘i am patroclus’ shirt

i love those shirts because alone they make no sense. You’re patroclus ? good for you man.

It keeps people from thinking he’s Achilles and murdering him

#first of all how dare you

(via permets-tu-not-permettez-vous)

reconfemmandoforares:

suspendnodisbelief:

reconfemmandoforares:

donnadellaforesta:

reconfemmandoforares:

deadcatwithaflamethrower:

munyusz:

I’ve been thinking, if house points are mostly awarded for scholary achivements, then how come we have never seen the house full of smarts, ravenclaw ever win the house cup? by all means, they should be trouncing the others. 

my theory is that ravenclaw outdoes all the other houses both in gaining, and in losing points. they rack up all the possible points for classwork, assignments AND extra school work. But they also lose a buttload in their other pursuits of knowledge:
- not returning books on time
- staying in the library after hours
- sneaking in the restricted section
- setting up secret potion labs for RESEARCH purposes
- throwing things off the tower FOR RESEARCH
- throwing things into the lake FOR RESEARCH
- taking small field trips into the forbidden forest to get samples and take notes on the wildlife
- illegally tampering with muggle stuff FOR RESEARCH
- “borrowing” school equipment and ingredients for said research
- that pet kidnaping incident they never talk about that was sparked by a conversation about muggle schools “wait, you dissect frogs in class? WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT TOO”
- combining random spells and testing them on the student body
- using said student body to test the secret potion lab’s latest creations
- referring to non-ravenclaw students as test subjects in the vicinity of disapproving teachers

what I’m saying is that while the other houses may preceive ravenclaw as a group of quiet bookworms, they are actually more troublesome than the other three combined. FOR RESEARCH.

FOR SCIENCE!

… @donnadellaforesta this sounds like both of us I have a concern

…..good thing we’re adults and no one can take house points from us anymore tbh

I honestly cannot say how many times someone has asked me my reasoning behind an action and it has been “for research” or “I wanted to know what would happen” or something similar. >_____>

Ravenclaw: the house of “Oooh, what does this button do?”

i just gigglesnorted <i>really hard.</i>

(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)

coldmackerel:

if u donuts wanna start shipping new star wars characters then be my fucking guest but mama din’t raise no fool. im waitin til i know who related to who so i don’t have to spend the next ten years in the shower praying for forgiveness. fool me once, george lucas.

(via punkrockpatroclus)

further thoughts on names

wildehack:

Ben Organa, not Ben Solo. Because Leia’s the last Organa, you see, and Han’s got something like twenty first cousins alone, and she and Luke are more or less quietly agreed that he should be the last Skywalker. (It’s “Ben” because it’s the only serious suggestion Luke made during the infamous What To Name The Baby argument that took place the week after Ben was born, and Luke’s opinion was the only compromise Han and Leia could make between “Jacen” and “Val”, and Luke was mostly incredulous that they were just calling him “baby” for so long.) 

Finn Dameron, as the entire rest of tumblr has produced some very compelling arguments in favor of. 

Rey goes through a cycle of surnames, but the one she settles on is Kenobi. Because once she finds out who her parents were, she wants desperately to take their name–to feel a connection to her past, even though every trace of it is gone. (At first she accepted Finn’s invitation to join her as an unofficial Dameron, and later she called herself Rey Skywalker just as an easy shorthand, since nobody knew what “Padawan” meant anyway, and Chewie told her very somberly that she had a right to “Rey Solo” if she wanted it, as well as Chewie’s own last name, which she couldn’t actually pronounce. Life debt stuff.  But she keeps Kenobi.) 




 

(via ifeelbetterer)

lierdumoa:

holycheeseandcrackers:

dojahan:

fisadeepforestgreen:

holycheeseandcrackers:

ok here we go pet peeve no. 45678: when girls are made fun of for behaviour that has literally been drilled into them by society. let’s go through some of these.

haha girls are all like “don’t look at me without makeup on!!!!”: maybe because we are taught from a very young age that we’re ugly without makeup. if we don’t wear it we’re asked why we look so tired, why we didn’t make an effort today, why we seem slobbish. as we grow older if we don’t wear makeup we’re seen as unprofessional and it can actually affect our careers but no yeah it definitely doesn’t make sense that we’re insecure about our naked faces whatever

man my gf always takes food from my plate so annoying lol #relatablecontent: probably because she’s fucking starving but it was instilled in her that cute girls eat like precious baby bunnies so she got a salad but all she fuCKING WANTS ARE FRIES. JUST GIVE HER THE FUCKING FRIES.

girls always go to the bathroom together haha lame and weird: mainly so we don’t get attacked asshole. also having a pee buddy is fun i pity you and your pee-buddy-less experience. when do your friends tell you how nice your hair is. oh that’s right they don’t because guys are the fucking worst

look at these drunk girls tottering around on high heels they look ridiculous: i will defend to the death women’s right to get just as completely shitfaced as men and don’t even ACT like it’s not practically fucking mandated that if a woman isn’t wearing high heels she isn’t dressed up. high heels LITERALLY GIVE ME BACK PROBLEMS but i have to wear them for work because if I don’t i’m not “””””professionally dressed”””””” give me a fucking break

WOMAN AND SHOPPING. OHOHOHO BOY.: yeah ok so we have to spend money you don’t on makeup products, skin products, hair removal products, pads and tampons, and on top of that we’re expected to change our clothes more often than you which means we need more of them, and also women’s clothing sizes are voodoo so every fitting session is a battle with your self confidence. AND we pay the gender tax. i fucking hate shopping. i do it because i have to, you buttnerd. and even if some women enjoy shopping im sure some men also enjoy shopping??? why must you gender??? activities??? why is this the world we live in????

girls on their periods are fucking psycho hahaha!!!: no we’re just in more or less constant pain so we have less patience to put up with your your bullshit. not to mention that a woman’s testosterone levels actually INCREASE on her period so GUESS WHO WE’RE MORE FUCKING LIKE, CHAD. GIVE A FUCKING GUESS.

lol girls spend forever in the bathroom lololol: all right first of all if we’re talking about say, a sporting event, and you’re complaining about all the women who are queueing to go to the bathroom, we have a COUPLE MORE STEPS INVOLVED THAN PEOPLE WHO CAN JUST WHIP IT OUT AND THEN TUCK IT AWAY. not to mention the fact that yeah we have to take a second to double check the paint smeared on our faces or the socially acceptable hairstyle we’re wearing. we’re not allowed have fucking buzzcuts chad. apparently having less than the requisite amount of dead protein on the top of our head makes us a target for verbal abuse on the street chad. how about ranting about the people who built the stadium or whatever who KNOW it takes women longer to go to the bathroom but normally lot the same amount of stalls to men and women?? AND IF WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL MAINTENANCE yeah ok buddy and how long does it take you to shave your legs? you think I like spending SEVENTY TWO DAYS OUT OF MY LIFE accidentally cutting myself and pulling muscles in my thighs??? well. i dont. so that’s why i don’t do it mainly. but we probably spend the rest of the time slathering ourselves with anti-aging creams because everyone is falling over themselves to tells us that our sell-by date is 35 while George Clooney and RDJ will probably continue to play wry sexy playboys until their fucking hips fall off. go fuck yourself chad.

GOD. I CAN’T EVEN GO ON. ADD YOUR OWN IF YOU THINK OF MORE.

this post is gold

I hate you Chad 

i was not expecting this to get popular at all but i will tell you one joyous thing: over 2,000 notes so far and not one single person has disagreed. WE ALL KNOW ITS BULLSHIT AND THAT IS SOMETHING AT LEAST.

Don’t forget:

what’s with the enormous purses women carry around?: you can fit a 10 year old child’s deluxe train set down any of the 14 different pockets in your cargo pants and I have a seam pretending to be a pocket sewn on to a blue compression bandage pretending to be jeans so don’t even

(Source: glittermobboss, via bonehandledknife)

destronomics:

How badly do you think the First Order fears Finn? Do you think they put a hit out on him, because he shows that brainwashing isn’t destiny, that it can be broken, that you can break free, that given half an opportunity 90% of their ranks, the tools they need to maintain control, can–

–change their mind. Strive for something better?

Jedis are terrifying, but they’re born. You either have the force or you don’t. You can kill them and they go away.

But storm trooper with a conscience is a virus that can multiply too fast to stamp out. It makes Finn the biggest threat to the First Order than any Jedi could ever be.

Force is destiny. Finn is choice.

(via dubiousculturalartifact)