Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

littlestartopaz:

coaldustcanary:

cassandrashipsit:

dragonflies-and-katydids:

thecuckoohaslanded:

lovepsychothefirst:

kaseysellingseashells:

queerwashing:

if you give me a task with no deadline i will literally never do it but if you give me a deadline i will get it done exactly 1 hour before the deadline even if the deadline is in six years

#this is ADHD#or possibly another executive function disorder but ADHD is the only one I really know about#the reason for this is an ADHD brain does not have an internal feedback system#ADHD brains require external input to make up for missing executive functions#like the ability to process multi-step tasks with delayed consequences#because to an ADHD brain#things don’t exist in the absence of consequences#meaning#people with ADHD are drawn to things like video games because the feedback is external and immediate#every action you take has an immediate effect on the game environment#and you can SEE that your actions are providing xp or moving a task towards completion#but for something like homework#the consequences of that homework being done do not exist until that homework must be turned in#and it’s either done or not done at that point#which is why people with ADHD function best closest to deadlines#the consequences of that work being done must be IMMEDIATE to compel the brain to see it as a task that requires completion#because the further out a task is from the consequences of it being done#the more an ADHD brain is incapable of acknowledging it#TASKS DO NOT EXIST TO YOU UNLESS THERE IS IMMEDIATE EXTERNAL FEEDBACK#THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS WITH ADHD BECAUSE TO OTHER PEOPLE IT DOES LOOK LIKE LAZINESS#BUT A LAZY PERSON JUST WOULDN’T DO THE TASK AT ALL#AND ADHD PERSON STRESSES THEMSELVES HALF TO DEATH TO GET THINGS DONE#BUT ISN’T CAPABLE OF STARTING THEM EARLIER TO PREVENT THE STRESS#BECAUSE THE TASK DOES NOT EXIST UNTIL IT NEEDS TO BE EITHER DONE OR NOT DONE#IT’S KIND OF LIKE SCHRODINGER’S BOX#THE TASK DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DONE OR NOT DONE UNTIL THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR ITS STATE OF COMPLETION#so what LOOKS like laziness to other people#is actually a VERY SERIOUS FAILURE of the brain’s executive function system#which is a VERY serious medical problem#the name ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ really fails to sell how serious the disorder actually is via @thecuckoohaslanded

god dammit my tags got cut off AGAIN I’m hitting the tag limit on like every post lately, I really need to work on that

Anyway I went on to say that there are 5 major executive functions of the human brain.  These are the ‘higher functions’ that really distinguish between a human brain and that of any other animal.  We have added intelligence on top of that, but these are the functional abilities our brains have that the rest of the animal kingdom does not have on a a structural level.  There are 5 of them.  ADHD affects all 5.  And none of them are actually ‘attention’ (the closest function to anything that can reasonably be called ‘attention’ is what’s called Working Memory, which is your brain’s ability to hold a specific task in mind to come back to it; distractions are inevitable, but a healthy brain will hear a phone ring, look up, and remember to go back to what it was doing before.  An ADHD brain will hear the phone riBANG ALL MEMORY OF THE CURRENT TASK IS GONE.  ADHD brain looks up, sees the name on the caller id, oh it’s an unknown number, oh it’s probably some political pollster, oh man this year’s election is just awful I can’t believe people are supporting that angry cheeto. Oh cheetos I’m hungry I should go make a snack.  What kind of snacks do we have?  Did I remember to buy cereal at the store the other day?  What about dog food?  Oh my god I forgot to let the dog back in the house this is why I should have gotten a cat.  Oh my friend sent me a great cat video earlier I should watch that.  AND GUESS WHAT YOU NEVER GO BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING BECAUSE THE STRUCTURE IN YOUR BRAIN THAT SUPPORTS RETURNING TO A PARTIALLY COMPETED TASK DOES NOT EXIST THE WAY IT DOES FOR A NORMAL HEALTHY BRAIN.  This is why even if you start a task well before a deadline you can’t keep to it until it’s been completed; the consequences of it being done MUST be more compelling than everything else in the immediate environment for the brain to see it.  No matter how much time you give yourself to complete the task, if you have ADHD it will take you 100% of that time, every time, which is why having ADHD actually TEACHES YOU to put things off, because it’s the only way to shorten the total time actually spent completing the task – the disorder rewards you for self-destructive behavior because it’s the only way you can get things done at all, and you end up living in a permanent state of extreme stress, hopping from one emergency deadline to the next even though you hate yourself for it every single time).  The disorder has been horribly named in a way that trivializes just how serious and life-ruining it actually is.

ADHD is a very, very serious disorder and the pop psych/common understanding of it makes it seem HORRIBLY trivial compared to the real damage it actually does to people’s lives.

…

…

…ohhh…

This is both fascinating and… possibly slightly alarming.

@birbhubby this is really interesting reading.

So, if you’re at all curious about what living in my brain is like, even while medicated and largely functional, this is a pretty good description.

I love and am freakishly good at certain deeply boring repetitive tasks becuase they’re the only way I can get my brain to rest for even a minute.

@words-writ-in-starlight !!!! This! Explains Explains! So! Much!

WHAT. MY WHOLE LIFE MAKES SENSE NOW.

(via littlestartopaz)

There’s a certain amusingly meta aspect to the fact that I am writing a paper on the developmental differences that make it common for girls with ADHD to go undiagnosed, while struggling to override the fact that I’m a girl with ADHD and executive dysfunction that really don’t want to do a research paper today.

flowerbpd:

when you’re showing a symptom and you gotta play Pin The Tail On The Disorder to figure out which one is the culprit

(via chromatographic)

pesteche:

Living with ADHD is sometimes gives me pleasant surprises like “oh look I already got a spoon for my coffee apparently”.

(via punkrockpatroclus)

fgsaamr:

dark adhd give me the forbidden hyperfocus when I actually need it

(Source: iperattivo, via punkrockpatroclus)

ADD/ADHD Problems #1970

littlestartopaz:

Its not that I have nothing to do, its that nothing is appealing or capable of holding my attention.