self-care is tricking your self-loathing brain into a roundabout form of self-love by intensely loving a fictional character you really relate to
(via slyrider)
i’m loving all this violent response to nazis stuff that’s going around but i also want to say like be careful out there because not all nazis are fucking clowns like richard spencer. most of em carry weapons and will not hesitate to cut your ass up and leave you dying in a dumpster. if you don’t know how to fight, don’t take one on without backup. and even if you do know how to fight, watch yourself. i don’t want to see any of you getting killed
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Stranger Labyrinth
So, on the subject of ‘things i finished a while back and needed to post,’ this is Part Two of this thing. It’s basically shippy nonsense and discussion of how Sarah Williams is a weird motherfucker.
“So who’s Sarah?” Jonathan asked after they’d eaten dinner—just takeout, because they were both feeling particularly lazy. He was toying with the folded bit of notebook paper with Sarah’s number on it, curious, and Nancy smiled as she dropped the last few dishes they’d used into the drying rack. She padded over, barefoot with her hair loose around her shoulders, and settled herself in his lap without so much as an ‘as you please’. He wrapped his arms around her snugly and tucked her back against his chest, his chin hooked over her shoulder like a little boy.
“Sarah,” Nancy said, reaching out to play with the paper herself, “is the girl who recited Der Erlkonig in its original German. She’s a freshman and she’s…odd.”
A short list of things I don’t have time to do on top of my two Les Mis fics and my Actual Real Novel:
- write that one Laurens/Hamilton AU where Hamilton is a supersoldier created to be the first of an army to help America win the Revolutionary War, and Laurens dies tragically in South Carolina, and Alexander sinks into a melancholia until Eliza sends him to France to see Lafayette, during which voyage he’s lost at sea inside the Arctic Circle until he gets fished out of the ice just in time for the Civil War to break out and the Confederacy to deploy the Southern Soldier against the Union
A short list of things I am doing because @twistedangelsays is a right bastard and a horrible enabler:
- writing that AU
Friends don’t care that you read smutty fanfiction
Best friends recommend smutty fanfiction to you
Author friends WRITE smutty fanfiction for you
(via clockwork-mockingbird)
rip santa.
Working in Retail in under 3 minutes
i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb
transcript:
“So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more.
So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects?
And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is.
So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening?
So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.”
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
alltheurlsaretakenexceptthisone:
WHAT?!
I need this on my blog.
On my blog? I need this IN MY LIFE.
Nom nom.
First I was like “holy fuck that’s a shitload of bread though”. BUT WHEN IT’S SLICED IT IS JUST PERFECT
Why can’t my girlfriend do this
Because you’re a grown ass motherfucker capable of doing this and it’s not your girlfriends job.
(Source: vam-van, via starwarsisgay)
