Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

bubonickitten:

self-care is tricking your self-loathing brain into a roundabout form of self-love by intensely loving a fictional character you really relate to

(via slyrider)

citizenpublius:

I keep seeing people putting Animorphs #16: The Underground, aka “the oatmeal book” on their “favorite trash books” or such, and I frankly don’t see why it even qualifies in the “trash” category. I mean I know out of universe Instant maple and ginger oatmeal was chosen as the drug that is to Yeerks what meth is to humans because of the “lol oatmeal really” bit of humor. 

But in universe? While the Animorphs at first don’t take it seriously (because it’s oatmeal), it’s soon made clear it’s played serious enough. Because while Applegate lets these kids laugh at what would normally be a humorous situation, she also shows that there’s really nothing funny about it. If Yeerks consume the stuff, they are freed of their dependency of Kandrona rays, but become hopelessly addicted to oatmeal that it eventually leads them to insanity. We the reader first think it’s still outrageous, but I mean, our species can eat chocolate fine, but do we think it’s funny if it’s fed to a dog?

This book poses perhaps the first real moral dilemma for the Animorphs when it comes to this war and how they should fight it. These Yeerks have discovered completely by accident that oatmeal is an addiction to them, and they happened upon it because the Animorphs destroyed the Kandrona generator of the Yeerk pool: the Yeerks who weren’t high rank were left out of the ship with the only generator to starve, and here they thought they found a new means of survival, but instead it destroys them. With their insanity also comes a price to their hosts: they cannot leave their hosts’ heads, and while humans might sometimes break through the Yeerks’ insanity, they can never be rid of them. This was enough to drive the human controller Edelman to attempted suicide. 

So the Animorphs have an option: they have a substance that is easily obtainable and almost a joke to them. But they essentially have a chemical weapon at their use; it obviously has freaked out the Yeerks enough that they bought every ounce of the stuff they could find so it couldn’t be used against them. For the first time, the Animorphs really feel they have something big on the Yeerks. They can dump it in the Yeerk pool and inflict harsh mental damage on a sentient race. But they then have to ask themselves: is this right? 

Amazingly it’s Cassie who suggests that they just dump a case in the Yeerk pool (this is obviously before she met Aftran and the Yeerk Peace Movement; compare this to her later decision to not try and blow up the Yeerk pool, yay character development). And they do it. They drop the proverbial bomb on the pool, essentially dooming hundreds or thousands of Yeerks to a lifetime of insanity (or more realistically, as the book implies, Visser Three will just kill them since they are useless now). And that kind of victory proved hollow. After all, they didn’t get Visser Three or any high-level Yeerks; those Yeerks in the pool were just grunts.

Ultimately the Animorphs decide never to use the weapon again. They choose to erase the possibility of biological warfare from their arson. Applegate made me take oatmeal as a weapon seriously.

I’m really really glad I didn’t have to be the one to make this post.

(via sohmamon)

Anonymous asked: 7 and whoever you want

7: I do not believe in love at first sight.  But god damn. (Look at you.)

Two things.  First, it’s a very dangerous thing to say ‘whoever I want,’ because I go straight for the niche fandoms that I love the most. Thus: Animorphs.  Second!  It has come to my attention that I accidentally swapped two prompts—this line is actually prompt 17, and prompt 7 got used for the Sith!Padme AU.  Because I’m a fucking disaster area and my brain likes to pull switches like that on me.  (Math classes suck for this exact reason.)  But like the Sith!Padme AU is done?  And I was halfway through this by the time I realized, so I am VERY sorry but I’m doing this.

Tobias could give you the exact moment he fell in love with Rachel, as a bruised thirteen-year-old kid in a body he barely remembered.  Love at first sight was a fairy tale, but he could give every detail of the moment—it was like light being struck from a match, casting everything in a fresh glow.

Admittedly, he remembered everything about that night in the construction site, about Elfangor’s serious eyes and Visser Three’s terrible morph and the desperate giddy feeling in his chest of yes, yes, I knew it, there’s more to this world.  Which made a lot more sense, in retrospect, but of course at the time he just knew that something had clicked into place.  While everyone else was standing around being awestruck and wondering, Tobias had been too busy feeling a wash of relief that, oh God, he wasn’t crazy, there really was something else and it was exactly as spectacular as he had always believed it would be.

But even in that chaos, Rachel had been like a beacon.

He’d had a crush on her from the moment he arrived in town, of course, but then he could guarantee that about every boy at their school agreed with him, save the ones who were related to her.  He could list five girls off the top of his head who were probably head over heels for Rachel, having a crush on her wasn’t anything special.  She was clever and funny and fierce, her beautiful face was almost an afterthought.

And Tobias had needed something bright and strong to hold onto, and just being around Rachel, in the line of her sharp eyes, was a good start.

So it never did shock him, that he was in love with her.

It wasn’t her grip on his hand as they watched Elfangor die, although he was sure everyone would be shocked to hear it.  That was just…Rachel, scared half to death and still with strength and ferocity to spare.  She clutched his hand because it made her feel better, to steady someone else, and God Tobias had needed it.  He’d almost bolted right then, run back to the Andalite’s side, because he barely had a life to live anyway and he’d felt something from Elfangor’s thoughts he’d never felt before.  Some messy tangle of regret and pride and grief, all centered around a bright hard thing that made affection look like small fry. The loss of it hurt like broken glass in Tobias’ throat, sharp and bloody.  And it was Rachel’s grip on his hand as he cried that kept Tobias hidden behind the wreckage, kept him sane enough to live through the night.

But it was later, that it really hit him.

They were running and, at the time, Tobias had desperately wished for wings.  It was almost funny, now, but probably only to him—he’d never told the others how often he wished he could fly away, before he got a new appreciation for the dangers of wishes.

Here was something else the others never knew: he had three cracked ribs that night. There was no way, even with adrenaline pumping ice through his blood, that he would be able to outrun the Hork-Bajir on their tail.  Tobias’ forgotten human body was tall, but skinny and out of shape, not strong like Cassie or fast like Jake, he was slow and hurt and shocky.  And he had a moment of strange clarity, as if he could see the future as clearly as the Ellimist ever showed it to them.  He would die, and it would be awful, but the others would live and that would be…good.  They had people who would miss them, and he didn’t.  They would live to fight the Andalite’s war, maybe save the world, and Tobias would get to rest.

And then Rachel, tall, athletic Rachel who could probably have outpaced every last one of them, even Jake, slowed, and dropped back.  She was shouting, arms outstretched with a wild, ecstatic look of challenge on her face.  Tobias could only catch about one word in three, but they were…vivid.

That was the moment.  Tobias, tearing across the rough ground of the construction site with impossibility on his heels.  Rachel, screaming curses in death’s face in order to protect the people she cared about. It was more like being struck by lightning than anything so polite as falling in love, but.

Goddamn.

presidentromana asked: Prompt: Animorphs AU where Tobias is raised by Loren, perhaps about how it'd change the nothlit thing or his interactions with Ax?

featherquillpen:

I spent several minutes considering whether this should be an AU where Loren has her memories of Elfangor or doesn’t. I went with yes because… why not?

---

I was sitting in front of the TV listening to the local news about the “fireworks” at the construction site when Tobias came in and said, “Hey, Mom. Jake invited me along to check out the Sharing meeting at the beach later. Can I go?”

Cold dread trickled into my veins. I had hoped the war would never touch us. It wasn’t our war to fight; we didn’t have the weapons. But finally, it had come to my doorstep. “No,” I said firmly. “I need you help to me clean the house this evening. You’re staying in.”

“What if we start now?” Tobias said. “We could finish early and then I could catch up with Jake?”

I hit mute on the TV. “Tobias. I know some of your classmates have gotten into the Sharing. But I’ve heard about this group through my church friends. They look harmless, but they’re a dangerous cult. Has anyone ever told you what you have to do to become a full member?”

A pause. “Jake’s brother Tom says there’s a minimum number of hours of service, and then you go to a couple of special meetings and you become a full member.”

“But did he tell you what the initiation is like?” I insisted. “The ‘initiation ceremony’ is full members only.”

“No,” Tobias said, a frown in his voice. “He said it was secret. He just said that it totally changed his life.”

“I don’t trust an organization like that and neither should you,” I said firmly. “I won’t allow you to go there. Stay home and help me clean.”

---

Then there was the news story about the man who found a piece of metal on the beach with strange writing on it. I asked my church friend Mary to describe it to me. It took a while for the image to form in my mind, but when it did, it was unmistakable. Andalite writing. Elfangor had taught it to me.

That night, I dreamed of a thought-speak voice calling to me from the sea. 

I woke up in a cold sweat. An Andalite ship had crashed somewhere off the coast of California. There was an Andalite trapped in there, using the ship to broadcast his thought-speech. And somehow, I’d heard his call. My heart ached. There was nothing I could do for him.

I got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I found that Tobias was already there. “Tobias?” I said. “What are you doing up?”

“Bad dream,” he said.

Oh no. Had the message reached him too? Because of his heritage? Because Elfangor had touched both our lives? “What was it about?” I said, tentatively.

“There was a voice,” he said. “Calling to me from the ocean. It sounded scared. Desperate.”

Part of me wanted to tell him, after a lifetime of keeping the truth to myself. But what good could it possibly do? There was nothing he could do to help the doomed Andalite, either. So I said, “Hey. Why don’t you read to me from the book you’re reading?” It was an old ritual of ours. We went to his bedroom, and he read to me until he yawned between every word, and went back to sleep.

---

A month or so later, Tobias came to the house with a new friend in tow. “This is Philip, Mom. He’s here to borrow some books.”

“Yes, my name is Phil-up-puh,” the other boy said. “Puh. I am here to read book-suh.”

Playing with sounds. Just like Elfangor did in the first couple of weeks being human.

Then the boy added, stiffly, “I am sorry to intrude, intrud-ud-duh, on your solitude. Tude.”

“Come on, Philip,” Tobias said, and took him to his room.

I sat and frowned over that remark. It took me a minute to remember Elfangor’s distaste for the disabled that I’d had to train him out of, the way he insisted that they should be secluded from society. It probably didn’t mean anything. It was a coincidence. There were autistic humans who played with sound, and plenty of humans who acted weird around a blind woman. But there had to be a way to know. To be sure.

When Philip and Tobias came back out of his room, I was ready. If I was just being paranoid, I could say I’d gotten the phrase from a fantasy book. But if I wasn’t…

“Nice to meet you, Philip,” I said. “May your blade stay sharp, and the four moons guide our paths to cross again one day.”

Dead silence fell. Then I heard a sound I thought I’d never hear again – of bones grinding against each other, organs liquefying.

“Philip,” Tobias said, a little hysterically, but not hysterical enough for the morph to be a surprise. “What are you doing?”

“He’s demorphing,” I said, sounding calmer than I felt. “Tobias, close the curtain on the window of the back door. Just in case.”

“Mom?”

“Do it,” I said. “What if someone walks through the backyard and sees?”

I heard the whistle through the air, and the lightest press of the edge of a tail blade against my throat. «Demorph.»

“I can’t,” I said.  “I’m not an Andalite. But I had a child with one.”

---

I told them everything. I gave enough details that they even believed me. 

“You never told me,” Tobias whispered. “I met my dad, and I didn’t even know. I would have known if you’d told me.”

“And you’re fighting a war I swore to myself you’d never have to fight,” I whispered back. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Mom.”

50 A Softer World Prompts

sleepy-skittles:

Send an ask with a number + a ship.

1. Our love is a forest fire and we are the little things that live in the trees. (Today is the most exciting day of our lives.)
   
2. At my worst, I worry you’ll realize you deserve better.  At my best, I worry you won’t. (I’ve never been better.)
   
3. If loud, weird public sex is wrong, then being wrong is wicked hot. (right and wrong are just guidelines to hotter sex)
   
4. i don’t know what the fuck true love even is but i do want to hang out with you for basically the rest of my life. (let’s hang out - TO THE DEATH)
   
5. my five year plan is to maybe go out for ice cream this afternoon? (Live every day like the ice cream store is closing.)
   
6. I have loved since you.  But when the new paint gets scratched, there you are underneath. (My heart is layers of scar.)
   
7. I know your weakness.  It’s kisses.  You are doomed. (Don’t worry.  We’re all doomed eventually.)
   
8. Ah, unrequited love.  When your best isn’t enough. (Participation medals of the heart.)
   
9. CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP NOT SURE HOW TO STOP (WHY STOP)
   
10. When you touch me, my mind is gone.  The only words I know are lost inside your body. (right in there.)
    
11. hey, i’m liking your photos at 2am because i want to make out.  i’m texting you at noon because i want to make out.  i woke up today because i (we don’t need words)
    
12. It’s a full moon.  I bought some rope and handcuffs to bring to bed tonight. (beware the moon.)
    
13. You aren’t really a good person, but god damn, you make bad look awesome. (no one could steer me right, but mama tried.)
    
14. I think I’ve got fireflies where my caution should be. (Instead of slowing down, I just shine brighter.)
    
15. No no, we aren’t breaking up!  You didn’t let me finish.  I’m gay for YOU. (And I’m queer for math!)
    
16. Roses are red, Violets are blue, You can do whatever you want to me. (please do.)
    
17. I do not believe in love at first sight.  But god damn. (Look at you.)
    
18. I don’t know how to make things right.  So I’ll just keep pretending that nothing’s wrong. (you know that I’m no good)
    
19. When I look at you all I can see are the mistakes we’re going to make. (The future’s so bright.)
    
20. If something seems too good to be true, quick!  put it in your mouth! (before anything can go wrong!)
    
21. To thine own self be wicked sexy. (And then send pics.)
    
22. Today’s a perfect day for naked cuddling.  I don’t even care what day it is.  Every day is perfect. (I’m gonna spend it with you.)
    
23. We talk in the dark as we fall asleep, and we are objects in the night sky outside of time. (it is the exact opposite of alone.)
    
24. I joined Plenty of Fish to find out who stole my bike.  A fun first date would be going to your house to see if you have my bike. (What a lovely home.  Do you have a shed?)
    
25. This town isn’t big enough for the both of us.  Let’s run away together! (Let’s join a street gang!  Is NASA recruiting?)
    
26. I love you the way a knife loves a heart the way a bomb loves a crowd the way your mother warned you about, essentially. (the way a human loves another human)
    
27. Our love is like.  Our love is only like. (I like you.  I don’t LIKE like you.)
    
28. I miss doing nothing with you. (I miss not having to pretend to like your family.)
    
29. I hate it when you leave but I love to look at your butt while you walk away. (it gives me sexual arousal.)
    
30. In a dark, dark wood there was a dark, dark house and in that dark, dark house I think we should get drunk and fool around. (I want dirt under my fingernails.)
    
31. I love the way your face lights up when someone says, “It might be dangerous.” (I am glad we are friends.)
    
32. I think you are beautiful and I would like to kiss you.  I can think up some clever lines, if you’d prefer.  But I wanted to say that, first. (None of those lines seemed to be about you or me.)
    
33. I cannot help but notice we are sitting-in-a-tree.  So, you know, maybe we could think of something to do… verb-wise. (I want us to gerund, essentially.)
    
34. When you’re around I don’t know how to hide my feelings.  I count in binary, in my head.  zero one one zero one one and you count clouds. (while you count clouds)
    
35. I hate trying to put my desire into words when my body knows exactly what to say.  Come home. (You can’t start a fire without a spark.)
    
36. I love you but I don’t love you enough to give up falling in love. (anyway, happy anniversary!)
    
37. on the paper, she had written “you” and she told me “that’s a list of the people who are standing too close.” (I ain’t your pal.)
    
38. You are the love of my life so far. (Tomorrow’s just a day away.)
    
39. There should be a word for a threat that is also a promise.  Because that is what I want you to hold me down and do. (I love you)
    
40. I laugh along but inside I know that it’s true: Being in love is totally punk rock. (quiet kisses are so hardcore)
    
41. I don’t believe each person has just one true love, but sometimes we don’t have enough time to find another. (That’s the way it crumbles.  Cookie-wise.)
    
42. I would love you more if you were someone who could love me. (buy your love by playing make believe.)
    
43. Fun things to yell during sex: Anything. (he is risen.)
    
44. I am writing a book of love poetry for you.  For example: “The only reason you could possibly need your music that loud is if you were planning to listen from my apartment.  You downstairs motherfuckers.” (Every day I hope to see a moving truck pull in.  Or an ambulance.)
    
45. when I picture you with your new lover I get angry, and then sad, then kinda horny. (I miss you)
    
46. We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster.  But tell me your heart doesn’t race for a hurricane or a burning building.  I’d rather die terrified than live forever. (mistakes aren’t always regrets)
    
47. If they invented a way to actually have sex over the internet you and I could use that glorious technology for internet hugs. (You know, when I wasn’t using it for sex.)
    
48. Life would be way easier if I were easier. (Fact.)
    
49. I want to rob lumber mills and hospitals with you and just bewilder the hell out of people the way love should. (We will make everything wrong in the right way.)
    
50. I will always love you, or anyway I will always have loved you now. (And you will always be someone who was beautiful, once.)
    

(via skymurdock)

Anonymous asked: If you are in the mood to write pain (and, really, when aren't you in the mood to write pain): Rachel/Tobias during the early war

*mean cackling* So when I’m in a very particular mood about the little girl I used to be and how much she was screwed over, I tend to take it out on my characters.  Ergo, I am banned from touching my Alleirat story until our houseguest leaves, and will instead be writing Animorphs because how much worse could I make it.  Sorry.  And since this got pretty long and also there’s not exactly loads of Animorphs fic, I crossposted it to AO3.  If you like Animorphs, maybe comment on that shit or something.

here we stand (with our arms folded)

It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since the disastrous attack on the Yeerk pool, the sun still over the trees at the edge of the forest where it butted up against Cassie’s farm.  The horse she’d morphed, whose quick legs had saved Cassie and one single woman the night before, was loose in the field, and Rachel was cross-legged on a crate in the barn as Cassie murmured to a wounded rabbit.  Rachel felt dazed, with exhaustion and shock, as if every blink and turn of her head demanded a fresh calibration of her brain, a new moment of I’m alive and nothing is okay.  She’d spent an hour in the shower after getting home, with the water as hot as she could stand, but she could still feel the grit of the Yeerk pool floor on her palms and feet, and kept expecting to catch a glimpse of Hork-Bajir blood on her human teeth in the mirror.  

Cassie didn’t seem much better, her hands still where she would usually be smoothly going through her tasks and her voice mindless nonsense, as if she was as numb as Rachel.  The silence wasn’t quite tense, but there was an unmistakable taut feeling that kept even the noisiest patients subdued and quiet.

“Did Jake say why he wanted to talk to us?” Rachel finally asked, and Cassie glanced up, shaking her head.

“No,” she said. 

Keep reading

182-things-i-love-about-you:

Marco: maybe I can hack the computer and put up some firewalls and-
Ax: no offense but I’m from fucking space let me hack the computer

(via beesandstrangers)