cinnamonskull:
musicalxtragedy:
bravespidey:
- “HEY STOP! YOU’RE STEALING MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG! WHAT THE FU – oh, they hired a dog walker? hahaha haha.. ha… carry on”
- “i’m in the nurse’s office a lot with migraines and you’re always in here organizing her tongue depressors and i really don’t think you go to this school so what gives”
- “the building manager neglected to tell me the window washers would be coming by today so excuuuuuuse me for thinking that twenty three floors up was high enough that i could dance around in my office without being seen”
- “you’ve been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section of the bookstore i work at for like fifteen minutes are you looking for something in particular or –?”
- “you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”
- “it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”
- “my favorite band dropped a new single today and i’ve had it on repeat for seven hours and i can see you judging me but that isn’t going to make me shut it off"
- “hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”
- “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk”
HAHAHA THE LAST ONE
Last one was my fave too!
(Source: josighah, via wingedlioness)
bisexualclarke:
- “i came to the gym to work out but holy god i can’t stop watching you do one armed push ups that’s so hot” au
- “this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au
- “you’re the only delivery person who gets to my house in any semblance of the word fast which is why i keep requesting you but you don’t believe me and tease me constantly about it” au
- “okay i get it you’re a great thief and don’t want to go to jail but i’m the exhausted af detective that’s assigned to catch you i stg if you let me bring you in so i can sleep i’ll get you a good deal” au
- "okay i get that there are no seats left in this cafe but like i am trying to read here no you cannot have this chair my feet are using it thank you very much please get out of my face now” au
- “my parents moved me halfway across the world when we were twelve and before that we were best friends but now i’m back and moving in across the hall from you so hi?” au
- “i’ve been travelling a lot and somehow you’re in every single city i go to seriously what the fuck who even are you how are you doing this” au
- “we’ve been nothing but friends for our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now i think i might actually be in love with you” au
- “ngl i thought you were the weak one of this friend group but your whole life just went to complete shit around you and somehow you’re still acting the same so if you want to be weak you can be around me” au
- “my guitarist quit the night before the gig that could mean the big break for a band that i have put my soul into and supposedly you’re really good but i swear to god if you screw this up for me i will hunt you down and slit your throat” au
- “it seems we’re the only two people in this class that actually know what the fuck is going on want to team up for this project and ruin everybody’s lives” au
- “we started arguing about which hogwarts house this one character would be in and we completely lost track of time and now you’re demanding i take you out to dinner is this a date” au
- “i’m the private investigator that was hired by your ex to track you down and you totally caught me sitting outside your apartment in a rental car so hi what up” au
- “i came to check out this support group but things have kind of been majorly sucking lately and you were there and i didn’t even know anything was wrong but we’ve known each other for months what gives” au
- “i’m the lawyer helping you get custody of your daughter and oops you’re all kinds of adorable with her and also i think she’s growing attached to me is this good or bad” au
- “i meant to text the contact one above you in my phone’s contact list for a booty call but i didn’t realize i hit your name until i sent it so now i’m just sitting here feeling those little three dots hardcore judging me” au
- “we started dating after months of sexual tension between us but then you moved across the country so now we’re trying to figure out how to make this brand new relationship work long distance” au
- “so not to be rude or anything but i’ve been coming to this cemetery at this time on this day every week for fucking years and i’ve always been alone up until now seriously what the hell” au
- “it’s the middle of the night and i’m walking home alone in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s starting to gain on me and i found this phone booth with a lock on the door and i tried to call my best friend but my hands were shaking so badly i accidentally dialed the wrong number and i don’t even know you but help me” au
(Source: demineil, via auprompts)
jonahryan:
- You drive a massive SUV and steal my parking spot all the time and I was just heading out to leave a strongly worded note under your windshield wiper but oh no you’re hot AU
- I’m a barista and you’re the obnoxious customer who comes through and orders a venti macchiato while talking on the phone the whole time so I misspell your name in increasingly creative ways every day AU
- I’m a busy businessperson and my barista keeps misspelling my name in increasingly disrespectful ways, honestly, who does this person think they are AU
- We were both playing wingman for our friends who have now decided to go home together, and after five minutes of conversation we fucking hate each other, let’s bang it out AU
- I saw you trying to hit the “door close” button in the elevator but I made it in and then I pushed every single button to make you later for work, but now we’re stuck in this fucking elevator as it stops at every single floor and I don’t know what to say other than “you started it” AU
- I asked for your help getting a book off the top shelf and and you laughed at my taste and called me a nerd so I shoved you into a table of nonfiction best-sellers and that’s how we both got banned from the quirky community bookstore AU
- I take my grades very seriously and you’re the lazy asshole who asks a ton of off-topic questions to distract the professor and I might be a foot shorter than you but I swear to god I’ll fight you AU
- You tried to barge into a private conversation so I said something devastatingly witty and dismissive but you came back with something even meaner and more clever AU
- Shouting match over the last Thanksgiving turkey at the grocery store AU
(Source: jonlovett, via auprompts)
