Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS I KEEP SEEING THIS SORT OF THING AND LET ME EDUCATE YOU FOR ONE SECOND.

STEP ONE: LEARN HOW YOU LIKE TO LOOK, AND LOOK THAT WAY.  I recommend Good Will or another thrift/secondhand store to do this on a budget (my family is broke as shit, I know the feeling).  You like floofy dresses?  Dress like a goddamn fairy tale princess.  You like slouchy t-shirts and jeans?  SWEET, you’re an adorable nerd, maybe you’ll find one for your favorite band.  You’re like me and you like formal button down shirts?  Great, buy like seven formal shirts and a few ties if that’s your thing, blazers are fun too.  You don’t like makeup?  FANTASTIC, you have a lovely face.  You like wearing makeup?  GREAT, ROCK THAT SHIT.  You only like blood-of-your-enemies lipstick?  OWN IT.  You only like bright turquoise eyeliner?  AWESOME.  You want to dye your hair every color of the rainbow?  CONDITION THE SHIT OUT OF IT, IT’LL LOOK GLORIOUS AND BE SOFT AS A FUCKING PUPPY.  Looking the way you want to look, the way you’re comfortable, decreases that urge to ‘hide’ by slouching your shoulders and sticking to the background.  Badasses do not hide because they don’t like their clothes.  If they don’t like their clothes, they change their clothes to represent their inner badass.  It seems like a tiny thing, but it even helps when you need to talk to people (what up my friends with social anxiety), because it feels a little bit like armor.

STEP TWO: LEARN HOW TO WALK LIKE YOU’RE NOT JUST READY TO KILL SOMEONE, BUT CAPABLE OF DOING IT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS.  That means chin up, shoulders back, and act like you know what you’re doing (no one really knows what they’re doing, don’t get bogged down in that, just fake it and everyone will believe you).  Chant to yourself “I AM A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS” until you feel the rhythm in your soul, repeat your favorite line of poetry in time with your heart, imagine that each footfall is the sound of your enemies’ heads being lopped the fuck off, whatever works for you.  Look where you’re planning to go and people will get the fuck out of your way.  SWING YOUR ARMS, THE MOMENTUM IS SOOTHING IF YOU’RE FEELING FIDGETY AND NERVOUS.  Feeling tense?  Fold your hands behind your back, it makes you look bigger and feel bigger and hides your tension.  Wear shoes that make you feel like you can ACCOMPLISH SHIT.  If those are six inch stiletto heels, congratulations on your balance, you are ready to GO FORTH AND FUCK PEOPLE UP.  If they’re combat boots (my preference), you are ready to STOMP ON THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO WOULD DEFEAT YOU.  If they’re flats, you will look dainty and gentle RIGHT UP UNTIL YOUR GLORIOUS TRIUMPH.  It’s about feeling like you can get shit done, like you’re capable of getting shit done.  If you pretend to believe those two things, everyone else will be convinced, and that might even help convince you.

STEP THREE: LEARN THE FINE ART OF “I MEANT TO DO THAT.”  You are a cat.  It doesn’t matter if you just fell down the damn stairs into a tiny puddle of five-foot klutziness (guess who used to do that A LOT), pick yourself up and dust yourself off and crack a quick joke at your own expense and then MOVE ON.  If someone else brings it up, TELL THEM THAT IT WAS SO FIVE HOURS AGO.  You mis-spoke in front of the whole class?  LAUGH WITH THEM RATHER THAN BLUSHING AND LOOKING HUMILIATED.  It makes people feel a lot less inclined to make fun of you about something if they think you don’t give a shit.  Remember, grasshopper, you have no fucks to give because it would be beneath you to give a fuck.

STEP FOUR: PICK YOUR BATTLES, AND THEN DO YOUR RESEARCH.  This one’s pretty simple.  You earn a lot more respect if you manage to be reasonably well spoken and well-reasoned on a handful of topics that mean a lot to you than if you go off like a wayward squiggly rocket on any damn thing.  So pick a few things that you’re going to fight for (gay rights, pro-choice/anti-abortion debates, racism issues, religious equality, and bullying were usually mine, for reasons that won’t come up) and then LEARN YOUR SHIT.  TALKING OUT OF YOUR ASS WON’T HELP.  It helps boost your confidence if you know your topic, and it decreases the odds of a confrontation becoming personally vicious.  You have a stutter?  That’s okay, plenty of people do, sometimes it helps to practice on your own and if it really stresses you out to talk just try to master the “fuck off” glare, it works like a charm if you’re feeling nonverbal for any reason.  You really hate confrontation?  It’s fine to NOT DO CONFRONTATION, learn how to gracefully redirect the discussion onto safer ground.  You’re a fucking adrenaline junkie who kind of loves to fight (me)?  It DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON to fight for what you believe in

STEP FIVE: DON’T STRESS ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.  Ultimately people will think whatever they want, and sometimes all you can do is take a few deep breaths and hope that they get hit by a falling meteor.  These are just suggestions to boost confidence.  GO FORTH AND GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER BADASS.

Sources: I’m a five foot nothing girl, no one’s fucked with me more than once in many years, and apparently I have a bit of a rep.

(Source: johnnyjoestarrelatable, via yea-lets-do-this-shit)