Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

knitmeapony:

unpretty:

wayne enterprises almost certainly has clothing as one of their retail subsidiaries and i like to imagine it getting really profitable just because bruce spends so much time listening to models bitch at parties. all of their product lines have names like “It Has Real Pockets” and “Not See-Through” and “Full-Length Sleeves” and “Secret Elastic Waist”. the marketing department is like “okay obviously these are all working titles” and bruce is like “no. leave it. that is what it’s called.” and they try to talk him out of it but he owns a helicopter and you can’t argue with a man who owns a helicopter. they sell so fast. the women of gotham are well-dressed and comfortable and always have somewhere to keep their phones.

The tags are also gold: 

#original#the problems they are solving get more obscure as time goes on#jeans forgiving enough that you can kick someone in the face#reinforced thighs to account for friction#boyfriend jeans renamed comfy jeans#Won’t Show Your Bra#More Than One Size#it starts as a whim he just emails whoever is in charge of that department like#‘for the love of god just give them some fucking pockets’#if anyone appreciates the importance of pockets it’s batman#look at his belt#being without pockets is like his nightmare#if he has to help one more person figure out where in his enormous fucking mansion they left their fucking clutch#that they only brought because they didn’t have any goddamn pockets#he’s not going to be mad but he’ll be disappointed#wayne enterprises with bruce at the head sees a huge increase in profits and sometimes it is for the weirdest fucking reasons#am i the only one who wishes everything had an elastic waist#but secretly so i can still look classy

You know what, I’m moving to Gotham.  I’ll start carrying a crowbar and get hella life insurance.  It’s worth dealing with the occasional serial murderer for clothes with pockets.

(via thepainofthesass)

brinconvenient:

unpretty:

white-throated-packrat:

nonasuch:

unpretty:

mellydraws:

unpretty:

reallyohcrap:

unpretty:

unpretty:

i like to imagine that clark kent’s search history is mostly normal but then there’s stuff like “improved superman costume concept art” because he wanted ideas

#what would you even do as an artist #if one day superman is just wearing a costume that is clearly your design #like superman was clearly looking at your deviantart #there is a chance that superman saw that art you drew of him kissing batman #why is he wearing the costume you designed #is he trying to send a message #is he saying that he really does smooch batman #did superman see your kryptosona #how much does he know 

someone said they wanted to be able to reblog this with my horrible tags

no but like… do you sue him for using your designs? Do you politely ask him to stop using your designs? Do you ask him for license fees when the Superman merchandise adopts your design as well? 

i am absolutely sure that he would find one with an artist’s comment/description that included “hey superman if you’re reading this feel free to use this anytime ok ;3″ and he would say “oh man that’s so thoughtful, thank you weedhorse69, I think I will” and like how do you explain in court that you, weedhorse69, did not intend for your statement to be any kind of contractual offer because you did not think he would ever find your public internet post with his name all over it

#people are reblogging the version of this without my final addition#offended that i would suggest clark kent wouldn’t credit the artist#missing what i consider to be the obvious facts of the matter#it’s probably a costume designed out of pure thirst too like#weedhorse69 is gonna keep his mouth shut because this way he gets to watch superman#running around town in a costume that really shows off his biceps and abs#he thought it looked summery#the league holds an intervention asking him to please stop wearing it#he does not stop no one can stop him#batman v superman II: clark please put on a real shirt

tumblr is garbage and likes to resize everything and readmores don’t work on mobile anyway so you all will just have to click through if you want to read weedhorse69′s chatlog screenshots

you should DEFINITELY read weedhorse69’s chatlog screenshots, oh my god

And now I’m imaging that weedhorse69 is Kyle Rayner before he got the ring.

Later, after he gets the ring … awkward. So awkward.

“Obviously you aren’t obligated to join the League, but we’d be happy to have you.”

Kyle was going to die. He did not, despite the obvious facts, consider himself to be possessed of great will. It did not occur to him that the fact that he could make himself stand there and pretend to be casual spoke volumes.

“I’ll have to think about it,” he said, hoping that his voice didn’t shake, turning down the thing he would have liked most in the world. “I’m a pretty private person.”

Superman considered this. “That’s fair,” he said, “but maybe I should mention that the League doesn’t require you to disclose your civilian identity.”

“It doesn’t?” Shit. He shouldn’t have sounded so excited.

“No. Some people choose to disclose to close friends, but it isn’t on file and no one has to share anything they’re not comfortable with.”

“Oh.” Maybe… maybe no one would have to know. Maybe he could do this. “I’ll still have to think about it,” he said, even as he made up his mind, “but I am very interested.” Superman smiled, suddenly, and even though he had been nothing but kind Kyle was terrified. “What? Did I say something funny?”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Superman assured him. “Usually Green Lanterns are a little more candid, is all. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I, uh.” Kyle faltered. “It’s not that I have anything to hide. It’s just… before I got the ring, I… did some things I’m not proud of.” Superman nodded in a manner warily sympathetic. “Things are different now, though. Very different.”

“I believe you,” Superman said, and it was absolutely killing him how nice he was. He was so nice. Kyle’s only saving grace was that he was wearing the classic costume. “The ring chose you, that’s all I need to know.”

Oh, god. Superman thought he had reformed from a life of crime.

He wasn’t entirely wrong. Right? Right. This was fine. Everything was fine. Kyle would join the League and never tell anyone his name and no one would ever know the depth of his sins and he would meet Batman and that would end well.

… he needed to go find Jimmy immediately.

1) I don’t know how I had failed to follow @unpretty after I read Empty Graves.

2) Clearly this is a woman with a firm grasp of the best version of the DC Universe.

3) This thing of beauty is the thingest of beauties that ever did exist

4) I didn’t know I shipped Jimmy Olsen (jimjams) with Kyle Rayner until I did

5) If you don’t click on the chatlog screenshots and laugh your entire ass completely off, I don’t know why you follow my trash heap tumblr because we have nothing in common.

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

unpretty:

i feel like wonder woman could get away with throwing batman over her shoulder to carry him away exactly once, just because she would have the element of surprise. batman prepares for everything but there are limits. if you were batman would you ever in a million years expect a woman who is two inches shorter than you in one-inch heels to just pick you up and leave like she’s carrying a bag of sand to build a wall. like you are the victim of a cartoon caveman from the fifties. i postulate that you would not. maybe in her arms like a lumberjack’s bride, but a fireman’s carry? while he is not only conscious, but entirely capable of moving under his own power? this is the one scenario that batman never prepared for and he suffers the consequences. she could never get away with it again and so she doesn’t even try but from that moment on the possibility is always in the back of his mind. he is on alert. he wants her to try again so he can prove it won’t work this time. she never gives him the satisfaction. he can never explain to anyone how he is suffering. no one will understand. he stands on a rooftop in the rain and broods.

(via minutia-r)

cassandrashipsit:

justcallmepoppy:

OMFG

So I’m watching this voice acting documentary on Netflix, “I Know That Voice,” and it’s really good anyway and y'all should watch it.

But they have Kevin Conroy on and they’re into a section about being recognized out in public and Conroy tells this story.

He lives in NYC apparently, and after the 9/11 attacks he helped out making meals for people (in a soup kitchen type thing, I’m gathering).

So one day one guy comes up to him and says, “You know I’m a construction worker in my day job.  What do you do?”

And Conroy tells him that he does voice acting.

And the guy gets all excited, like, “I knew it!  You're that Kevin Conroy, you’re Batman!”

And the guy went out into the dining area and just announced to all of the people there, “You know who’s been cooking your dinner?  Batman.”

The room went completely quiet and eventually some guy at the far end of the room called out, “Bullshit!  Make him prove it!”

So Kevin fucking Conroy just stood in the fucking kitchen and did the, “I am vengeance.  I am the night!  I am Batman!” line.

And the guy was like, “Holy shit it IS Batman!” and everyone cheered.

And the guy who originally approached Conroy came back to him to tell him, “How does it feel to be Santa Claus?  'Cause that’s what you just did.”

And that’s one of the best Batman stories I’ve ever heard.

This is the batmaniest thing to ever batman.

(via ailleee)

textsfromsuperheroes:

Happy Easter from Texts From Superheroes!

  

  

  

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(Source: textsfromsuperheroes.com)

textsfromsuperheroes:

The Best of Batman and Superman on Texts From Superheroes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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(Source: textsfromsuperheroes.com)

raptorific:

bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

goodluckdetective:

I just had an amazing thought.

So we all know Bruce gets gossiped about in Gotham tabloids. This is just a fact. And we can assume Batman gets gossiped about too. And we know that Bruce has made it look like they are two close but different people to lose suspicion.

So here’s the thing. What if the tabloids started to rumor that Bruce and Bats were dating because of all this secret covert operations meetings and things. What if people started to believe it? What if it made front page? “Gotham Playboy seeing masked vigilante; their affair in page 10”

Dick: “ I know they say to love yourself Bruce, but this is just excessive.”

When Bruce is kidnapped to be bait for his “boyfriend” he decides he’s going to have to call in Clark for a very public interview about being dumped by “Batman”

Clark’s day is fucking made.

If someone writes this fic for me, I will be your house elf.

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)