skymurdock asked: for the headcanon meme: Steve Rogers the angry little chihuahua.
On Monday, the very angry Stevie got beaten up in one parking lot, but he was still angry. On Tuesday, the very angry Stevie got beaten up behind two diners, but he was STILL angry. On Wednesday, the very angry Stevie got put through three experimental procedures, but he was STILL angry. Anyway, gonna do me some Steve Rogers for this ask meme.
A: what I think realistically
Adapting to the 21st century isn’t really difficult, once he can face the reality of it properly. It reminds him, more than anything, of that first week after the serum–everything is too bright and too loud and too fast. But now the world is unfamiliar to boot and there’s no one who
cares enoughhas the time to help him adjust. It’s a rough couple of months before he masters the situation.Unrelated to the above, Steve was actually great friends with most of the chorus girls. At first they were…uh…suspicious, to say the least, because he was a massive brick house of a dude who could lift a motorcycle and looked like the ultimate version of the assholes they put up with on the regular. So they didn’t speak to Steve past the most basic courtesies for a week and a half.
Then they went out drinking after their first performance in a new city and Steve sat quietly in the corner with a water until he saw Cheryl sitting stiff and toying with a fork as a man’s hand crept up her leg.
“Back off,” Cheryl said sharply. The guy did not.
No one was more surprised than Cheryl when Steve loomed up from the corner like the wrath of God and sharply announced, “Buddy, if you’re not going to leave the lady alone, you and me are gonna have problems.”
The next day, Steve showed up to the theater ready to sit off to the side as usual. Instead Cheryl plopped down in front of him, held out a handful of bobby pins, and said, “I need an extra set of hands to put my hair up. You braid, Cap?”
“Um, not really,” Steve said, blushing. “But I can learn.”
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
Highlights of Steve in the modern grocery store include:
- Steve And The Grudge Against Weird Bananas
- Steve And What The Fuck Do You Mean You Want Five Dollars For This Tomato
- Steve And Wow You Can Get Vaccines At A Grocery Store–Wait What Do You Mean People Believe Vaccines Are Dangerous
- Steve And Hey You There Leave That Cashier Alone Unless You Wanna Settle This Outside
- Steve And The Girl Scouts of America
- Steve And The Struggle of Grocery Shopping Without Getting Recognized
- Steve And Really What The Fuck Is Wrong With Bananas
Needless to say, Steve isn’t really allowed to do the grocery shopping anymore.
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
SHIELDRA dumped all their files onto the internet, courtesy of Natasha’s salt-and-burn solution to HYDRA’s infiltration. Steve has been in the modern world for a good few years by now, so he sits down and starts searching through it for information.
He shouldn’t be doing it. He knows it’s just torturing himself. He hasn’t known where Bucky is since Insight went down, and none of this will help him find the Winter Soldier if he doesn’t want to be found, Natasha assured him of that. But…he just has to know.
Capture. Surgeries. The arm. Missions. Cryostasis. “Programming.” More missions, more cryo, more programming–torture, it’s torture, God, all this time he was mourning his best friend while Bucky was being tortured.
Steve lasts through five files before he throws up.
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
Y’all, Steve is Wanda’s weird adopted big brother and no one can stop me from believing it. He shows her a bunch of Disney movies that she missed out on as a kid and she asks him for advice about Vision and he jokes about how he’s definitely the wrong person to be asking for romantic advice. They have a good weird relationship.
