animatedamerican:

spiderine:

s-leary:

unpretty:

unpretty:

“villain attempts to go back in time to kill superman as a small child, gets shot in the face by ma kent, who buries him behind the barn with the others” would probably have niche appeal as a comic but i don’t care, i want it

The first time a man from the future showed up at Martha Kent’s house, Clark Kent was two years old.

According to his birth certificate, anyway. She just kind of accepted that the details were a little fudged. Relativity, and all.

Maybe the stranger would have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to do, except that he really did just show up. Appeared, like a ghost made flesh, right in the backyard. Clark, thank goodness, was out in the fields with Jonathan. He couldn’t bear to be alone, that boy, and they could never bear to leave him.

Which left Martha free to shoot the ghostly intruder in the face.

Martha had not always considered herself a shoot first, ask questions later sort of a person. But that was before she found a baby in a spaceship where her corn was supposed to be.

They’d switch off, Jonathan and her, who got Clark and who got the shotgun. Martha got the shotgun more often than not. Guns made her husband uncomfortable. She was hardly a fan, but she’d always been a terrible pacifist. Too determined to defend herself.

The sight of all that blood and brain and bone was still nauseating. She compartmentalized, told herself it was no different from slaughtering a cow; didn’t think about riot gear or tear gas or the friends she’d lost or all the things she’d moved away from when her heart couldn’t take it any longer. This was different. This was her son.

She prodded the corpse with her foot. It remained a corpse. A real nasty looking corpse, all big and burly and holding a gun much too large. She didn’t like making assumptions based on appearances, but she didn’t imagine he’d been coming for anything nice. She bent down to search his pockets, found a metal wallet and flipped it open.

Born 2018.

Well, hell. Wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?

Probably she ought to have been a bit more unsettled than she was. But she’d been waiting two years for someone to show up on her doorstep, men in black or UFOs or something. Hell, she’d half expected her sweet little boy to hatch into something worse.

Just because she brought home space babies didn’t mean she was a damn fool.

Jonathan had rejoined her in long strides, was holding Clark in such a way that he couldn’t see the corpse on the ground. “Well, shit,” he said.

“Eyup,” Martha agreed.

“Don’t look government.”

“Nope.”

“We burying him?”

“I’ll bury him,” Martha said, standing up. “You get Clark inside and read him a book or something. I don’t want him seeing any of this, getting him messed up in the head.”

“You sure? Looks heavy.”

“That’s why we have a wheelbarrow. I’ll stick him out behind the barn, might as well keep all our secrets in one place.”

Martha had a long time to think as she dug a time traveler’s grave. There were a lot of reasons someone might travel back in time trying to kill her kid. The first was her instinct as a mother, which was: he was a fucking asshole. Who killed a kid? Fucking assholes, that was who.

Now, it was also possible that her sweet little boy grew up to be some kind of space Hitler. She didn’t think she’d raise that kind of a kid, but she didn’t suppose there was any parent who set out to raise a Hitler.

Still didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t much like the idea of killing baby Hitler, either.

Keep reading

I did not know that I needed 6k of Martha Kent sassing her husband and shooting people in the face, but goddamn, I really did.

This is a fucking brilliant fic.

This is the best thing I have read in AGES.

(via primarybufferpanel)

cephalopodqueen:

earthschampion:

kryptons-last-son:

notadamsellane:

hatingongodot:

Before she learns about his secret identity, Lois Lane thinks Clark Kent is a goddamn mess

She goes to his place to work on a joint article and it takes her like half an hour to find out that Clark lives in an absolutely nonfunctional house

She has to change a lightbulb but there are no stools, no sufficiently high chairs, no way of reaching the ceiling unless you find a way to climb the walls. “How the hell do you change your bulbs?” she asks. Clark mutters something about misplacing the footstool and helps her drag the table from the kitchen to the living room.

Lois watches Clark make lasagna and has to physically restrain him from pulling the tray out of the oven with his bare hands. “Are you out of your goddamn MIND?” she yells, scrambling to pull him away on time. “What are you DOING? WHERE ARE THE OVEN MITTS?” and Clark is just like “Right…..oven mitts…….. I think I lost them with the uh. footstool” both he and Lois pause for a moment to engage in a riveting game of Mentally Punch Clark

Lois runs into the bathroom to put on a disguise and yells out, “Where do you keep your razor?” There’s a gust of wind and Clark comes back with slightly windswept hair. “I got it!” he says with unwarranted triumph. “It’s right here. The razor I use.” Lois looks at it and it is CLEARLY recently purchased and never used and she’s just like. I don’t even care anymore

For weeks she just assumes Clark is missing some crucial element in his home and starts stacking her own things all over the place. Lois thinking Clark has no clue how to take care of himself while Clark is Eternally Tormented and has to find ways to keep his identity a secret while living in close quarters, and the slow burn mutual pining roommates AU of my dreams begins

Oh my god this is amazingly awesome! Yes please lol

Lol! Omg, yes!!

I literally can’t stop laughing at the lasagna scene, oh my god! LOL

@kookygeekpalace this seems like something that’d be in your fic

(via wildehack)

exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear:

shes-a-voodoo-child:

sansacinderellalily:

amuseoffyre:

mybeautifulannabel-lin:

ask-hamilsin:

ask-queen-georgina:

brasspistol:

bemusedlybespectacled:

brasspistol:

russianspacegeckosexparty:

battlships:

Considering he was written to represent Jewish values, he should probably be Middle Eastern.

I’m so here for black Jewish Superman

YES (ps I read is Superman Jewish fyi he is)

Black Jewish Superman? Then we know who needs to play him.

Clark Kent:

And then he changes…

…into Superman.

it got better

H ALSHF A

dXINDJBSUONSWH FJBDH XGJNXMLY B

*choked sob* please

yo turns out wE HAD A SECRET WEAPON

AN IMMIGRANT WE KNOW AND LOVE, WHO’S UNAFRAID TO STEP IN.

I HAD TO REBLOG AGAIN

HERE FOR DAVEED AS SUPERMAN YESPLEASE.

ERRYBODY GIVE IT UP FOR AMERICA’S FAVORITE FIGHTING SUPERMAN

(Source: kingjaffejoffer, via dyinghistoric)

unpretty:

unpretty:

“villain attempts to go back in time to kill superman as a small child, gets shot in the face by ma kent, who buries him behind the barn with the others” would probably have niche appeal as a comic but i don’t care, i want it

The first time a man from the future showed up at Martha Kent’s house, Clark Kent was two years old.

According to his birth certificate, anyway. She just kind of accepted that the details were a little fudged. Relativity, and all.

Maybe the stranger would have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to do, except that he really did just show up. Appeared, like a ghost made flesh, right in the backyard. Clark, thank goodness, was out in the fields with Jonathan. He couldn’t bear to be alone, that boy, and they could never bear to leave him.

Which left Martha free to shoot the ghostly intruder in the face.

Martha had not always considered herself a shoot first, ask questions later sort of a person. But that was before she found a baby in a spaceship where her corn was supposed to be.

They’d switch off, Jonathan and her, who got Clark and who got the shotgun. Martha got the shotgun more often than not. Guns made her husband uncomfortable. She was hardly a fan, but she’d always been a terrible pacifist. Too determined to defend herself.

The sight of all that blood and brain and bone was still nauseating. She compartmentalized, told herself it was no different from slaughtering a cow; didn’t think about riot gear or tear gas or the friends she’d lost or all the things she’d moved away from when her heart couldn’t take it any longer. This was different. This was her son.

She prodded the corpse with her foot. It remained a corpse. A real nasty looking corpse, all big and burly and holding a gun much too large. She didn’t like making assumptions based on appearances, but she didn’t imagine he’d been coming for anything nice. She bent down to search his pockets, found a metal wallet and flipped it open.

Born 2018.

Well, hell. Wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?

Probably she ought to have been a bit more unsettled than she was. But she’d been waiting two years for someone to show up on her doorstep, men in black or UFOs or something. Hell, she’d half expected her sweet little boy to hatch into something worse.

Just because she brought home space babies didn’t mean she was a damn fool.

Jonathan had rejoined her in long strides, was holding Clark in such a way that he couldn’t see the corpse on the ground. “Well, shit,” he said.

“Eyup,” Martha agreed.

“Don’t look government.”

“Nope.”

“We burying him?”

“I’ll bury him,” Martha said, standing up. “You get Clark inside and read him a book or something. I don’t want him seeing any of this, getting him messed up in the head.”

“You sure? Looks heavy.”

“That’s why we have a wheelbarrow. I’ll stick him out behind the barn, might as well keep all our secrets in one place.”

Martha had a long time to think as she dug a time traveler’s grave. There were a lot of reasons someone might travel back in time trying to kill her kid. The first was her instinct as a mother, which was: he was a fucking asshole. Who killed a kid? Fucking assholes, that was who.

Now, it was also possible that her sweet little boy grew up to be some kind of space Hitler. She didn’t think she’d raise that kind of a kid, but she didn’t suppose there was any parent who set out to raise a Hitler.

Still didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t much like the idea of killing baby Hitler, either.

Keep reading

unpretty:
“ justakansasboy:
“ unpretty:
“ my favorite thing that Clark Kent does is try to figure out how a Normal Human Man would respond to getting injured
like if someone shoots at him he can say “oh he missed” and if someone tries to punch him he...

unpretty:

justakansasboy:

unpretty:

my favorite thing that Clark Kent does is try to figure out how a Normal Human Man would respond to getting injured

like if someone shoots at him he can say “oh he missed” and if someone tries to punch him he can kind of roll with it and barely avoid getting hit so they don’t smash their hand while going “oh ow oof what a punch ouch”

but then here comes the Joker with a comically large wooden mallet and now Clark has to figure out how Normal Human Man Clark Kent could conceivably survive this without making it obvious that he is not actually a Normal Human Man. just “oh goddammit i’ve never even seen someone get hit with one of these before, the joker’s probably seen all kinds of people get hit, he knows what this is supposed to look like but i have no goddamn idea i am so fucked”

superman may have the power of flight and super strength but clark kent has the power of improv

BUT YOU FORGOT THE BEST PART

POLITELY ASKING JOKER TO STOP

you are completely right, clark kent asking people to please stop trying to murder him is definitely way up there on the list of reasons he is amazing

(via littlestartopaz)