Men of Skyhold: Krem
I must reiterate my burning need to romance Krem. Drawing this pic has only made it worse.
5k Thanks for all the support this year! <3 <3 <3 <3
(via clockwork-mockingbird)
Now I write Dragon Age fic, apparently. For @littlestartopaz, who requested this prompt:
“You know the difference between subjective and objective, right? ‘Some rabbits’ is the former, ‘three rabbits’ is the latter, and much more accurate. So I’m going to need you to be very clear when you say there are ‘a few’ dragons outside.”
Dorian Pavus, formerly of House Pavus in Tevinter and lately of Skyhold, Altus and ex-heir of the Magisterium, had borne witness a number of strange things in his life, the vast majority of which had come to pass in the last six months. These strange things have included, among others, an archdemon, a Qunari with a jovial temper, a Seeker and a Templar working side-by-side with mages, a truly preposterous number of demons all-too-solid for his liking, and whatever the blessed hell that sword-horned terror in the stables was called. And, of course, there was Rhosyn Lavellan, Dalish elf, Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, and presumptive savior of the world, whom he had personally seen get into fights with no less than seventeen great bears.
Seeing that sort of person walk out of a ravine and immediately turn on her heel, looking distinctly pale under the black ink of her lacework vallasin, was notably strange, even among such a prodigious collection of oddities.
“You know the difference between subjective and objective, right? ‘Some rabbits’ is the former, ‘three rabbits’ is the latter, and much more accurate. So I’m going to need you to be very clear when you say there are 'a few’ dragons outside.”
alternate dragon age subtitles
Dragon Age: Oh You Want to Romance a Dwarf? Well, Uh, Maybe Later
Dragon Age: If You’re Tired of Fancypants Tolkienian Elves That Have Everything Handed to Them on a Silver Leafy Platter, Have We Got a Story For You
Dragon Age: Sing-Along With Mother Giselle!
Dragon Age: We Put the Eyyyyyyy in Morally Grey
Dragon Age: Every Ancient Order of Honorable Warriors Is Probably Corrupt and/or Keeping More Secrets Than Your Entire Party Put Together
Dragon Age: Those Barriers Can Totally Be Broken Without Magic of the Opposing Type, We Lied (Oops)
Dragon Age: How the FUCK Are You Swinging That 8-Foot Sword
Dragon Age: There’s Either a Billion Dragons That Are a Mild Nuisance Or Ten That Will Violently Destroy You, There Is No Middle Ground
Dragon Age: Chances Are Flemeth Will Never Die, Ever
Dragon Age: If Joan of Arc Got a Little Out of Hand
Dragon Age: Every Time We Tell You Somewhere Is Terrible It Probably Isn’t That Bad (Except Maybe Kirkwall)
Dragon Age: Being an Elf Means You’ll Never Ever Be Happy and Literally No One Cares (Except Possibly Someone Who’d Just as Soon Destroy All of the World, So, Good Luck with That)
Dragon Age: The Myths Are Mostly True and The History Mostly Isn’t
Dragon Age: Magic Is Evil and Terrible and Will Make You a Monster Unless You’re the One Doing It (Or You’re Friends With the One With the Fancy Title)
Dragon Age: Generally Speaking, Everything You Thought Was True Is Probably a Huge Lie Spread By People In Power So They Could Stay That Way
Dragon Age: If You Thought the Real Church Was Fucked Up…
and last but not least
Dragon Age: If You Think You’re in Control, There is Probably a Mage Among Your Friends Who’s Scheming Something That Will Make You an Accessory to Murder and/or World-Destruction But Hasn’t Told You Yet (Sorry)
These are all true.
(via scarhoax)
Love on the Battlements (x)
The series that has landed Varric in more lawsuits than he can count.
(Source: thevirdirthara, via skymurdock)
ok but have you considered iron bull rounding a corner and throwing a snowball thinkin it’s like dorian or the inquisitor or krem he’s gonna hit but he hits vivienne in the face instead
his high pitched scream can be heard for miles“Why’s the Iron Bull running?”
“I don’t know, your worship. But if you ever see Bull running away from something, it’s best to just fall in beside him and run in the same direction.”
(via skymurdock)
if you ever feel like you’re doing badly at dragon age the first time I ever played I gave morrigan two swords and alistair just had a shield
Currently doing my very first playthrough (my roommate @lathori just got Inquisition on her new PS4) and the Inquisition hasn’t even moved to Skyhold yet, and somehow I have been attacked by an inordinate number of bears. I’m not kidding, these bears did a better job of annihilating my party than any demon we’ve faced, I got down to a sole survivor twice in two minutes of the same attack. Almost every time I leave Haven this happens. Not one bear, not two bears, but SEVEN BEARS all told, I swear to god I’m more paranoid about these fucking bears than anything else, it’s a goddamn relief when I see a rift instead.
(Source: ocularum, via skymurdock)
Speaking of Shakespeare:
So, Shakespeare’s impact on modern culture is felt by basically everyone.
Even if you’ve never seen ‘Romeo And Juliet’ performed, you’ve probably seen a tv episode using it’s general plot.
Or seen West Side Story.
So, how does that work for Thedas, where, as far as we know, Shakespeare doesn’t exist?
Does he exist and we’ve just not heard of him?
Or are his works just…not there?
Maybe he has a Thedosian equivalent? I wouldn’t really think that Shakespeare himself would be included in Thedas, but it wouldn’t be a stretch to think that there’s probably a really popular playwright somewhere around. Or maybe even…a popular author…who publishes several books…that are well known in many countries…oh my god.
HOLY SHIT.
Nah, because Shakespeare was a bit if a hack who wrote for money, his works were basically just dick jokes…that even royalty loved…whose works were given too much importance…After the fact….oh no
1000 years later: “There is no way the Viscount of Kirkwall could have written the Tale of The Champion and The Tale of The Inquisition and everything else that’s been attributed to him as well as fought alongside all those people! One person is not that talented! Not to mention, where would he find the time? And that crossbow? Such technology was clearly not possible in 9:30 to 9:50 Dragon. Simply preposterous!”
An excerpt from The Tethras Cipher, by Valmont Sinthorpe (Lowis & Blackmont, Year 35 Empire Age):
… which brings us at last to the body of evidence which is often overlooked by critics of this theory. I speak, of course, of the works themselves.
Consider the Tethras heroes. A ragged, worn-out guardsman. A romantic, valiant lady knight. A humorous, unsuitable rogue raised to Champion. And, perhaps most notorious of all, the Herald of Andraste–depicted by Tethras not as a religious reformer or a controversial political figure, but as a confused elf who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and once put a dead body in a box on trial.
What do these characters have in common? Little to nothing. If they were indeed the product of one author, as the Tethras purists insist, then Tethras himself would have evidenced a precocity and life-experience far removed from the biography we have already examined. It strains credulity to believe that the filthy, hard-bitten world of Donnan Brenkovic could have come from the imagination of a Merchant’s Guild princeling, or that the undying passion of Swords and Shields (recently voted the Dragon Age’s most influential work of literature by the prestigious Chanter University staff) was produced by a man who, according to contemporary accounts, considered phallic objects the height of humor.
However, the texts themselves do betray one unifying principle: the fallibility of authority. It is here that the true nature of the so-called “Tethras canon” becomes apparent.
Tethras was, no doubt, an author. As his best-authenticated work, The Tale of the Champion was very likely a product of his pen, and his presence in Kirkwall from 9:31-9:37 Dragon is attested by Merchant’s Guilt records. But his other works betray the stamp of different personalities, all united under the Tethras name by a single goal: to subvert the prevailing social order and undermine the existing political structure via exquisitely-calculated metaphorical deconstruction.
It is a fact that there was, indeed, at least one other rising author in Kirkwall during the crucial period. Someone whose works must have been immensely popular, judging by the number of fragments which have been found (see J. Lowry Hammertong, Cri de Coeur: A Philological Examination of Kirkwall Manuscript B, University of Orzammar Press, 27 Empire), and who abruptly vanishes from the historical record after 9:37 Dragon. Is the so-called “Mage for Justice” truly the voice of Varric Tethras? Or was he one of many? These are questions the academic establishment refuses to answer …
This is beautiful.
I am so glad that I have seen with my own eyes, a parody of anti-stratfordians with Varric Tethras as Shakespeare.
*SLAMS REBLOG*
I get to enjoy my love of Shakespeare AND my obsession with Dragon Age?! I feel like this post was made for me.
(via skymurdock)
