Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: legolas & gimli!!! bc i saw you mention them in your faramir & eowyn answer and got v excited but then you didn't get TOO sidetracked lmao

vardasvapors:

1. I love the dynamic, of like, light-hearted kinda scatterbrained eccentric and slightly goofy elf ranger who verbally shitposts and sounds like a loon whenever he opens his mouth but occasionally says deep and genuine things too, plus the super-serious well-spoken soulful proud dwarf lord who also talks weird but in like, the opposite way, with these heartfelt open feelings couched in kind of solemnity and manners, but more and more frequently over the book babbles and says spontaneous stuff, and how they fit together so well in a dynamic that is really un-cliched on the personal level – this weird melding of senses of humor and viewpoints on the other characters and events around them, which are pretty different but don’t oppose one another as much as overlap and join together to create a single bigger, even more fun outside viewpoint, they’re such a good pseudo greek chorus-y thing

2. I think this pairing is the main reason I kinda like the LACE ‘elves have no desire to have sex with anyone unless they fall in love and sex equals getting married for them’ thing tbh. I love the symmetry with the ‘dwarves only ever fall in love once and never marry otherwise but nothing is said about extramarital sex for them’ thing, Meaning it’s like, some weird special experience on both sides but in different ways. I usually don’t care for this trope in most shippy fic, but I like it in interspecies and I really like it for them.

3. Aaggghhhh the getting-together process! Most of all, I think about the fact that by all accounts, and as implied by certain lines in Fellowship, the dwarves of Erebor don’t really get elves and the elves of Mirkwood don’t really get dwarves, and there’s probably a lot of just, natural assumptions that are totally wrong and which they never thought to examine. It could even be that the fire-forged-ness of their bond might actually interfere with some of this understanding of each other, if they moved into this state of complete attachment and acceptance of each other while in this upside-down fugue state of pre-apocalypse where they didn’t really have…that much time to talk, after their period of downtime in Lothlorien where I assume the first stage of their friendship was formed. Like, when they emerge from emergency-mode after the destruction of the Ring, they’ve already plummeted straight into “oh I know he’s a weird alien and I love him, oh no wait it’s that kind of love, okay lol this definitely won’t work welp I’m screwed I guess???” without considering that no maybe he’s not that much of an alien, and yes you can fuck him without it being a disaster.

4. OBVIOUSLY the whole immortal/mortal thing, especially highlighted since they live in pretty close contact and temporally in parallel with Aragorn and Arwen, whose mortal/immortal problem is totally different. Also the sea-longing! How, and when, was it decided that Legolas would stay in ME that long, or that he would take Gimli with him to Valinor? So many opportunities! In some ways, their time in ME after the war is a grace period, a finite stage of overlap, a kind of once-in-an-age, improbable, forgotten, enchanted sort of time, where the dwarves are building for the future but the elves are just pretty much just lingering and housekeeping for the humans on their way out, and it would feel like there is a sort of pressure to make something of this time, both their own separate lives and whatever their relationship is like.

5. lmao I think the main reason I imagined Legolas as blond was either because Thranduil had golden hair in the Hobbit book or because something something weird associations with personality types something (because I had no idea about any of the movie castings at the time I read the books). BUT ALSO: “I say to you, Gimli son of Glóin, that your hands shall flow with gold, and yet over you gold shall have no dominion” :)

6. I am TRASH. I will read SO MUCH SILLINESS with them. But here are just three HQ recs:

On the Cold Hillside by marycrawford

An Ounce of Perception by stateofintegrity

They Say of the Elves by brancher

akaltynarchitectonica asked: any thoughts on elf sexuality?

cptsdcarlosdevil:

ONLY ALL OF THEM

The interested reader should consult What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex, the most extensive guide to elf sexuality I’m aware of. Also, be aware that I haven’t read Silm and anything in here contradicted by Silm is a result of ignorance.

The bits I find interesting are that (1) elf marriage is defined as being sex— the party is considered a good idea, but strictly optional, (2) elves don’t commit adultery and (3) elves can apparently tell from the way someone moves whether they’re wed or unwed. Now, this may just be that elves are Good Catholics, but are you kidding, there is an opportunity for my favorite tropes. I propose: elf hypermonogamy!

(I actually totally thought elf hypermonogamy was canon until I was researching my answer for this ask. GODDAMMIT TOLKIEN.)

Elves are universally demisexual: they literally do not experience sexual attraction to people they aren’t in romantic love with. Elves are only capable of being in love with one person at once. It takes them a long time to get over love; it’s quite common for a rejected elf to never fall in love again, and most of those who do go centuries before they do.

So, how does that affect my favorite ships?

I feel like Legolas/Gimli is super-more-awesome if Legolas was literally never sexually attracted to anyone before Gimli and has no idea what this emotion is. So he is all like OH GOD THIS DWARF IS SO ANNOYING >:( >:( >:( I JUST WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME. BECAUSE HE’S ANNOYING. I WONDER WHAT HIS HAIR FEELS LIKE. And eventually this gets to the point where even Mr. They’re Taking The Hobbits To Isengard starts wondering if something’s up.

and then at Lothlorien he seeks the advice of Galadriel and Galadriel is like “Legolas, you’re in love” and Legolas is like “???!???!!!!!!”

and Galadriel thinks to herself “JESUS CHRIST, Legolas, Luthien and Arwen are one thing, human boys are sort of cute, but DID YOU REALLY JUST FALL FOR, OF ALL PEOPLE, A FUCKING DWARF”

(and then Gimli does the hair thing and she’s like “well, at least he has good taste”)

and then Legolas ends up having sex with Gimli. Now, dwarves totally have a culture of warrior homosexuality. (Also: everything homosexuality????) So Gimli is all like “ah, yes, manly men blowing off some steam in a manly way after battle, this surely does not mean Feelings” and Legolas is like “:( :( :( I will go stare at a river and write love poetry in Quenya more beautiful than the hearts of Men can bear” but he totally doesn’t let Gimli know because he doesn’t want to Pressure Gimli Into A Relationship and also because he will Take What He Can Get

and then at some point Aragorn is sadly singing to himself about Luthien as is his third-favorite hobby (behind beard growth and still not being king) and Gimli is like “why the hell would she give up her immortality anyway, dude, it’s fucking immortality? why can’t she marry an elf instead” and with one thing and another Aragorn ended up telling him about the Elvish Facts of Life

and then Gimli storms up to Legolas and is like YOU KNOW USUALLY I LIKE TO BE INFORMED WHEN I’M MARRIED TO PEOPLE

and Legolas is like “…I’m… married to you but you’re not married to me?”

and Gimli is like I DON’T KNOW WHAT NANCY SHIT YOU PONCY MOTHERFUCKERS GET UP TO BUT AMONG DWARVES MARRIAGE IS USUALLY CONSIDERED A TRANSITIVE PROPERTY

and Legolas was like “I am sorry, I understand if you will never speak to me again” and he is mentally drafting, like, the world’s saddest poem, like, it will win the Saddest Poem contest Elrond holds every year

and Gimli is like YOU FUCKING MORON OF COURSE I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU HOW ELSE CAN I GET TO SHOW YOU ALL THE PRETTY CAVES

and Legolas is like “oh. Oh!”

and then he ends up smuggling his boyfriend into Valinor, I assume by just sort of shoving him into the luggage. “Dwarf? What dwarf? I don’t have a dwarf. What, no, my bag isn’t wriggling, you’re seeing things. Gosh, there are weird sounds on the sea, that one sounded almost like the word ‘fuck’.”

also I feel like this whole thing makes Elrond and Arwen infinitely more amusing

Elrond: NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MARRY ARAGORN
Arwen: GRANDMA DID
Elrond: AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HER
Arwen: I DON’T CARE I LOVE HIM
Elrond: THERE ARE LOTS OF NICE BOYS IN VALINOR, I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE
Arwen: NO I WON’T
Elrond: …fuck. You’re right.
Arwen: (looks smug)
Elrond: you know Elros really had the right idea, immortality is awesome but at least HUMANS HAVE THE CONCEPT OF SERIAL MONOGAMY

sroloc--elbisivni asked: OKAY BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS what does the marriage look like from the side of the elves when they realize "man our weird cheesy prince actually landed quite a catch"

It’s a VERY SLOW realization on all parts okay, I can tell you that.

Well.  No.  That’s not quite true.  It takes about three weeks for the dwarves to realize that Legolas is actually…nice.  Which is weird.  Like, he’s an elf.  Elves are not nice.  Elves are dicks (there are a few people who make this generalization in Gimli’s hearing and he gets very defensive of the Lady of Lorien and also of his favorite asshole elf), but more to the point, elves are serious.  And Legolas…is not.  Sure, he can pull it together when he needs to and comport himself like a stiff unsmiling statue, but Gimli stubbornly drags him to Durin’s Day and blatantly ignores every disapproving eye as he teaches Legolas one of the old circle dances.

And like.  There’s no rules that say only dwarves can know the circle dances, not like Khuzdul (”Better not tell them about that yet, amrâlime,” Gimli says, grinning up at Legolas), but there’s sort of an expectation.  And Legolas picks it up quickly but the circle dances are all stomping feet and clapping hands and smiles and laughter and shouting, and it’s just WRONG to see an elf doing that.  It’s weird.  It’s so weird that everyone in Erebor is too in shock to actually protest.  But it does do wonders for proving that Legolas, while kind of an asshole (”’I am going to find the sun,’ remember that?” Gimli asks, arching an eyebrow, and Legolas smirks), is also kind of a puppy.

But the elves.  The ELVES.  Listen.

Listen.

I have many elves I adore with my whole heart, including but not limited to:

• The Lady Galadriel, the Eldritch Being of Light Middle-Earth Needs
• The Lord Celeborn, her loving house husband
  
• Elrond, who has survived approximately one billion horror movies and deserves a goddamn Rest
• Arwen Undomiel, the love of my life who I will defend with my last breath
• Elladan and Elrohir, her brothers who probably don’t give Aragorn a shovel-talk so much as “good luck buddy if you fuck up she’ll end you”
• Lindir, Elrond’s steward who, wow, puts up with so much
• Celebrimbor, the previous elf who had a dwarf buddy and who was also probably considered very weird because he liked smith-work

But the majority of the elves who see Gimli and Legolas wandering around largely respond with “Oh dear Eru Legolas we know you’re weird but you’re going to marry THAT” and Legloas kind of fidgets and their eyes get really big and they go “YOU ALREADY MARRIED THAT?”  (Fun fact: Tolkien elves get married by having sex, the ceremony of a wedding is entirely decorative, and they can tell from the way someone walks if they’re married or not.  And also elf hypermonogamy is a thing, which is 200% my jam.)  And then Legolas gets really angry and protective because HOW DARE YOU INSULT GIMLI, ONE OF THE NINE WALKERS, WARRIOR OF EREBOR.  And Gimli pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders if elf wine is really as strong as Legolas claims it is, and, if so, how much it would take to get him drunk.  But I digress.

It takes the elves a while to figure out that Gimli is, by dwarvish standards, the Ultimate Catch, is my point here.

Years.  It takes a couple years.  Maybe two.  Three.  For the really dense and/or bigoted ones, it might take a decade or more.  

Thranduil gets hate mail, basically, before he understands why he’s getting the hate mail other than the fact that He Is An Elf.  It’s mostly to the tune of “CONTROL YOUR OFFSPRING” and Thranduil sighs and slugs back another goblet of wine (”My Lord, it’s not even noon,” reinstated-as-captain Tauriel says, very flat, and Thranduil glares blearily at her and holds out his goblet because children marrying dwarves justifies many things) because he wishes he had that option.

And then there’s a diplomatic negotiation that comprises the Greenwood and Erebor nobility, and it’s the first time Erebor dwarves have been peacefully invited to Eryn Lasgalen in…ever, maybe.  Certainly in living memory.  And of course Legolas and Gimli are expected to be there, not just because they’re a symbol of the new intensely awkward truce, but also because they have an incredible amount of status themselves by this point–Legolas is a prince and Gimli is Lord of Aglarond, two of the Nine Walkers and the Three Hunters, warriors of renown from the Battle of the Black Gate, trusted advisers and dear friends of the King of Gondor and Arnor…

And there’s Legolas, dressed in silks and an elegant cloak and a crown and a dwarvish clasp in his hair and a cloakpin from the Lady of Lorien herself, and all of Eryn Lasgalen pats themselves on the back because hey, their weird prince did grow up pretty well even if his taste in life partners leaves something to be desired.  

And then there’s the life partner in question, several steps behind Legolas because they’re representing their homelands rather than their marriage and this is Eryn Lasgalen and Legolas is still the King’s son.  And Gimli is dressed in the finery of a dwarf lord, with a crown on his red curls and his beard braided intricately and gold clasps in his hair, with the Lady’s clasp on his cloak and the lines of his tattoos and scars clear on his bare arms, with a finely-worded compliment on his tongue for even Thranduil himself and a laugh that lightens the sky–

“Yavanna save me,” mutters one of Thranduil’s entourage.  “I want one.”

thearkenstoneandtheacorn:

Honestly if the fellowship had cellphones the #1 change would be Aragorn constantly complaining on the phone with arwen in the two towers like “they’re flirting again. Yes again. Literally I don’t even want to tell u what I walked in on yesterday but it involved gimli cleaning his axe in an inappropriate manner. And the worst bit is they still pretend like they hate each other my god. I’m gonna lose it I swear” while arwen is like “mhmm that’s nice dear”

Anonymous asked: Ok i have read Sansukh but you have a better way with words and my campaign to get my friend to read it has stalled so PLEASE GIVE ME THE MOST IMPASSIONED FIC REC IN THE HISTORY OF FIC RECS I THROW MYSELF ON YOUR MERCY

O K A Y

SO

Let me take you back, my dear, to approximately one year ago, shortly after my ass finally sat down for a plane ride and read all three Lord of the RIngs books in twelve hours.  Naturally, having finished them and being in need of more, I went out to AO3 within days and started sifting through the Legolas/Gimli fic, because that ship sails itself to Valinor and I’m not a moron.  And the VERY FIRST FIC when you sort by kudos (one does not simply enter a new fandom sorting by Date Updated, after all, sorting by kudos is the wise soul’s path) is Sansukh, with some rather peculiar tags (’dead dwarf peanut gallery’ among them) and 400K words and the ships Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield and Gimli/Legolas Greenleaf in pride of place.

“Well,” I said to myself, “I’ve never even READ the Hobbit and from what I know, I don’t ship Thorin and Bilbo at all, doesn’t Thorin try to kill him?”  (Not that that’s ever stopped me before, but forgive me my naivete.)  

“I’m sure there are more Legolas/Gimli fics that include ships I ship,” I decided, and kept right on scrolling.

So I skipped it.  And methodically worked my way through the nine hundred odd Gimli/Legolas fics available on AO3.  The quality of these fics declined, both in terms of characterization and of grammar, as these things do, until I broke down and admitted to myself that I couldn’t stand to drag myself through an unbroken block of text, and went to glance over FF.Net because that’s my usual move.  Now, self-insert fics are some people’s cup of tea, and that’s great, but I was on a mission, I had a quest, and Girl-Of-The-Week/Legolas was getting in the way of my need for Gimli/Legolas, so I didn’t last long in the FF.Net archive, needless to say.

“Come on,” I groaned, “there’s got to be more good shit, where is the rest of it?  Where’s my novel-length mess of mutual pining and tragic adoration and banter, with Eternal Third-Wheel Aragorn and beautiful world-building and rampant use and abuse of Sindarin and Khuzdul?”

And then I recalled something that had almost slipped my mind.

There was that one fic.  The one I’d taken to skimming past because why do people ship Thorin/Bilbo, anyway?  It was long, it was popular, and hey, I could always just…stop, if I didn’t like it, right?  

I was desperate.  It was worth a try.

And, oh, darlings, was it ever worth a try.

I was a chapter in.  

I had been dropped headfirst into a pool of characters I didn’t know–Thorin?  He was a king of something, I thought.  Thorin’s nephews, Fili and Kili?  Never met them.  I was pretty sure one of them was blond.  Mahal?  Had to Google him.  Dead members of the Company?  Had to look up a list.  Thorin’s father and mother and brother and grandparents?  Spent a few VERY confused minutes doing research before I realized half of them had been created wholecloth by @determamfidd.  It didn’t matter.  By the end of the first full chapter I was ready to take a throwing axe to the chest for these dwarrows (and Mahal).  

Watching Thorin come to terms with his death was agonizingly wonderful.

By the time Thorin’s spirit visited a sixty-something red-haired dwarf with a temper and an axe, I was addicted.

By the time Thorin had a sudden and terrible revelation about Bilbo Baggins, I was beyond sold, I was in love.

The culture of the dwarves of Erebor, the return after the diaspora in the Iron Hills and their stony determination to survive, Dain Ironfoot’s abrupt promotion to king over the bodies of Thorin and Fili and Kili, Lady Dis’ grief, the anguish of the Moria colonists, the dwarves in the Halls of Mahal grieving their living and dead loved ones, Gimli’s reckless love for his family and his people–it was like falling, or flying, or drowning.  It was perfect, I thought to myself, feeling a great tremendous weight in my chest like the breathless moment after getting the wind knocked out of you, right before it hurts, when you just think oh, wow.  It couldn’t get better, never mind that this person had apparently written however many thousands of words of just…dwarves being dwarves.

And then.

Bilbo left.  The Ring was on the field of play.

“There is no way this woman is crazy enough to rewrite the entire trilogy,” I said to myself.  “And if she maintains this level of talent all the way through, I may have to scream.”

Well.

The fic is almost done.  Dets is that crazy.  I have had to scream.  

This is the epic-length Tolkien fic of your dreams.  It has women (and dwarrowdams, and lady elves) being badass.  It has nonbinary and trans characters.  It has world-building beyond the dreams of mortal man.  It has desperate pining and steady love and families torn apart and reunited and heroes to save Middle Earth.   It has songs that will break your heart and make you smile and wriggle their way into your mind (The Iron Hills For Me fucking BROKE ME, I read that section in bed and I had to put my phone down so I didn’t get tears on it, I love it so much).  It has moments of brilliant, shining joy where all you can do is laugh and heartwrenching world-weary tragedy where crying just doesn’t seem like enough, somehow.  It has Aragorn, the perpetual third wheel, who just wants his friends to be happy and would consider saving Middle Earth a definite bonus to that.  It has all the mid-battle and post-battle and just-because banter you could want, between dead dwarves and living dwarves and elves and Men and even the occasional Vala.  It has Legolas and Gimli cobbling together a friendship from shared experiences and shared grief and falling in love and miring themselves down in misunderstandings and pining and coming together in the most perfect ways.  It has Khuzdul and Sindarin and writing that honestly could put Tolkien to absolute shame in places.  

It’s beautiful.

It’s elegant.

It’s sprawling.

It’s everything I could have hoped for in a Tolkien fic, and so much more.

It’s fanfiction of Lord of the Rings, but only in the way that Dante’s Divine Comedy and Milton’s Paradise Lost are fanfiction of the Bible.

It’s Sansukh.

And THAT is pretty much what I have to say about that.

patroclvss:

listen. listen. 

you will pry legolas x gimli out of my cold dead hands.

everybodyilovedies:

Aragorn the reluctant and faintly embarrassed best man at Legolas and Gimli’s wedding.

Aragorn with his face in his hands as they get their serious mack on after the culturally-appropriate “you man now kiss the husband” bit, mumbling to himself in shell-shocked terror “the things I saw on the road…”

Gimli and Legolas participating in an epic cake-eating competition while Aragorn passes out back-up cake for the guests and explains: “I expected this.”

Aragorn having to give a best man speech for both Legolas and Gimli. Both sides of the family arguing loudly over which speech should be given first. The Elves eventually agree to go last because they have greater patience than the short-lived dwarves. The dwarves take grievous insult to this. Aragorn trying to explain how Legolas was like a brother to him and Gimli is a fine warrior. Aragorn being unable to get through either speech thanks to Legolas and Gimli loudly heckling each other’s speeches.

A couple dishonored dead ghosts show up just to see this most insane and greatest party ever thrown. Aragorn standing to the side of the dance floor while the dishonored dead try to lasso him in to dance with them. “You are free. I released you. Please. Go. Go now.”

Aragorn with his head on the table while Eowyn and Faramir giggle in a corner together and be super lovey-dovey at the wedding. Aragorn getting a headache from all the hitting himself in the face when Eowyn catches the bouquet (Gimli threw it) because she SLIDE TACKLED another female guest to get it and most of the lady guests new better than to challenge of shieldmaiden of Rohan for the damn bouquet anyway. Aragorn having to console a drunk Faramir that Boromir would have loved Eowyn, he would have, and yes, he was the best big brother in the world, I agree.

Aragorn having to carry a drunk off his ASS Gandalf back to his damn room while Gandalf might be hitting on him???? “You’re looking pretty Gandalf the Green, old friend, why don’t we just get you to your bed.” “Get me to YOUR bed, heir of Isildur! Hellah.” “By the bane of Isildur, nO.”

Aragorn staring mournfully at a pile of drunken hobbits writhing on the dance floor doing God knows what. It might be dancing. At least three of them are kind of cousins, please let it be dancing. 

Aragorn sliding down to the ground as they send Legolas and Gimli off on their honeymoon, Gimli carrying Legolas (very slowly) in his arms into their bedroom while the two shout the lewdest things imaginable over their shoulders as a preemptive play-by-play of the upcoming night for their wedding guests.

Aragorn the saddest best man ever, is what I’m saying.

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)