look, whatever the han solo series ends up claiming as “backstory”, you and I know that what really happened was that han solo grew up an orphan of the late republic in the slums of corellia.
at some point in his erstwhile adolescence (’erstwhile’ is leia’s word; he remembers a lot more dirt and desperation and starving than ‘erstwhile’ really conveys) he takes stock of his worldly possessions:
a vague, foggy shape in place of his mother, a story she told han (or han told himself, he’s never sure) about a handsome pilot for a father;
four credits;
a perpetually-damp pallet that the Amber Twi’iek’s mistress sometimes rolls out in front of the fire, in exchange for him chasing off the rats in the cellar, running messages, and acting as lookout for troopers;
an itch, in his feet, in his gut, behind his eyes, that demands he get into the sky even if it requires building himself a set of wings out of wax and flimsi, which—well, lends some credence to the pilot story.
(there’s a saying: you can tell a corellian by looking. they’re born with crooked necks, to better stare up at the stars)
by the time he meets lando, he’s been haunting the cantinas around the docks looking for someone willing to take him aboard. they’re all eager—he’s young and strong and naive in certain ways—at least until they see the faint, raised bump in the hollow of his palm.
it’s a galactic crime to take an orphan from their planet of origin without the proper paperwork; it makes him a liability. (part of senator amidala’s anti-sentient trafficking initiative, and if han knew, he’d curse her and all her descendants. yes, even those ones.)
either way—it’s a smoggy night and he’s nineteen, trying to pass himself off as older, which lando finds inexplicably charming (there’s a lot about han’s bravado he finds inexplicably charming, probably because it’s so poorly constructed; probably because it makes lando feel so tender about the whole thing.) you have a ship? he says, and lando likes the way he flushes when lando says yes, leaning in—overeager, artless—and saying, buy me a drink then.
lando is only twenty-five and his ship is a junker, practically a historical artifact, that he won in a hand of sabacc and can just barely fly without a copilot. he buys the stranger drink anyway.
the first time han set foot in the falcon, he came home. lando remembers, because he woke up alone in his bunk the next morning—the attractive stranger from the night before was sitting, shirtless, in lando’s cockpit, touching the controls one by one, like he was turning over something fragile and desperately vital in his hands.
lando had watched, and lando had thought: I wonder if I can make him look at me like that.
(han hadn’t noticed. han had been busy falling headlong, desperately in love, in the way he wouldn’t again, not with anyone)
one night turns into three turns into—well, han crawling between lando’s legs and holding out a vibroblade. Then his hand, palm up. cut it out, he says, and lando looks at him, all that poorly-stitched-together bravado. han is very beautiful when he’s young, it makes him difficult to refuse.
if you want to be a pilot, your hands are your life. can’t risk damaging them, lando says, gently closing han’s outstretched hand into a fist. wait another two years, they’ll remove it—
it’ll be too late, han says, and this is lando’s great fault, he never really learns to predict these flashes of wild selflessness and loyalty, doesn’t know what to do with them. you’ll be gone, you’ll have forgotten me. cut it out.
it’s really difficult to overstate how beautiful han is, at nineteen.
I’ll be careful, lando promises. afterwards, they burn the bloody sheets and the tracker chip along with them. the heap is still smoldering as han watches lando prep for takeoff, and it’s—almost, it’s very close to how he looked at the falcon, that first morning.
(lando is very beautiful too, it should be said. but he will be his most beautiful at thirty-one, heartbroken and standing among the clouds of bespin—it hasn’t happened yet, how beautiful he is. han will never be more beautiful than he is now, the first time he clutches at the co-pilot seat so tightly his hand starts bleeding again and his eyes fill with the stars.)
what next? han breathes, as lando puts the ship on autopilot. he’s staring at the blue whirl of hyperspace like nothing has ever been so beautiful.
(lando is staring at him, ditto.)
anything you want, lando says, and han just—just laughs.
I need Han to accidentally be force strong, mostly because HE WOULD HATE THAT SO MUCH
“Wow so you’re basically a self-taught Jedi”
“WHAT–ARE YOU–I’M THE BEST PILOT IN–”
“That’s force shit”
“I’M AN EXCELLENT SHOT”
“Yeah, because of the force”
“I’M INCREDIBLY PERSUASIVE”
“That’s the force making people believe your terrible lies against all reason ”
“I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL”
skymurdock asked: hello I am here to tell you about Worst Time Traveller Han Solo, possibly post-TFA, grumpily rolling through the Clone Wars and accidentally earning a Reputation for knowing, strangely, exactly where to invest his money and what to do when confronted with Completely Unexpected Events. also, for some reason, he keeps running into baby-Vader a lot. STOP SHOOTING AT ME, yells Anakin, possibly just before they find themselves in another hot mess. sorry, force of habit, says Han.
also, at least once, somebody’s like “ok dude you’re a bit TOO accurate with your blaster shots as Anakin keeps complaining, lemme take your midichlorian count” “midi WHAT NOW” “I mean, you’re clearly Force-sensitive” “NO I’M NOT IT’S LUCK.”
Anakin has found his next Padawan! (Bonus if timetraveler!Han is the biological age he would have been during the actual Clone Wars - which would have been between five and ten, I think. )
okay, so you’ve got two very interesting ways that could pan out:
ONE. Han Solo either remains the same age he was when he died or the same age he was post-ROTJ when he’s dragged back in time to the Clone Wars. he wakes up somewhere on the planet that Starkiller Base used to be way back in the Clone Wars with lots of vibrant green forests and even a small thriving spaceport, finds some poor sonuvabitch with a ship, and talks his way onto it. conveniently, shit goes down and they crash-land on a planet being battled over by the Separatists and the Republic, and Han somehow finds himself face-to-face with Anakin goddamn motherfucking Skywalker.
he spends like a day in the brig of a Republic cruiser with a nasty bruise bc he shot at baby-Vader out of instinct. (that’s what he will forever use to refer to Anakin Skywalker in his head. Anakin is pissed bc of the baby part, mostly. Han is goggling at him.)
also, he prob uses a false alias, bc Han Solo currently is a tiny eight-year-old happily rolling around on Corellia.
TWO. Han Solo wakes up eight years old, on Corellia, and spends about ten minutes screaming into his pillow because NOT AGAIN. and then he v quietly runs away from home - it’s fine bc home is kind of terrible, anyway - and stows away onto a ship.
the ship gets shot down over a Separatist-controlled planet, Han finds a blaster, and then runs right into Anakin goddamn motherfucking Skywalker. Anakin, seeing a small eight-year-old stowaway, immediately decides to try and get this kid out of this absolute warzone. Han shoots at him and misses bc eight-year-old body does not have the muscle memory and rock-solid aim of seventy-plus-year-old body.
and then Anakin has to save this tiny little runaway child who is also beating angrily on his chest like LEMME GO and screaming obscenities that children should not know but smugglers-turned-war heroes-turned-smugglers again do. Han does not know what the hell kind of shit he’s landed himself in this time, but he does know he has a Very Bad Feeling about all this.
A tiny, foul-mouthed little orphan brat who knows things he shouldn’t, is far more skilled then he should be for his age, had a bad attitude, constantly surprises people, is insubordinate to the extreme, probably makes Obi-Wan and Anakin look at him very sharply indeed when he states he has a Bad Feeling about something, is obviously Strong with the Force…
It’s Anakin Skywalker mark 2.0. (Anakin is not certain why everyone is looking at him.)
(Of course Han is slated to be Anakin’s next padawan. He fights tooth and nail against it - be probably insults the High Council to their faces, and keeps trying to run away.)
Han does not WANT to be anyone’s padawan, especially not - UGH - baby-Vader’s, UGH. he just wants to find his ship and his first mate and also probably keep the galaxy from careening into a trash fire like it did before. he develops a habit of running off on missions - bc for some weird reason he does not ever actually stay at the Jedi Temple for more than a few days despite everyone’s best attempts to keep him there and actually teach him how to use the Force for things that aren’t CHEATING AT CARDS - and on one of these occasions comes back with a ship that he claims to know how to fly.
Anakin spends all of a day silently doubting him until they have to get OFF the planet and he is somehow injured and can’t pilot, so Han takes over for him and does something completely goddamn insane like - dive into an asteroid field, like he’s done it before.
(meanwhile Han is trying v desperately to pilot this brand-new non-modified version of his beloved Falcon without thinking of all the times he and Leia were in this same cockpit together. oh god he misses Leia. oh god baby-Vader is next to him yelling watch out for the asteroid like HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW SHUT UP.)
Anakin, you have no room to talk considering the whole ‘won a space battle at age ten’ thing. And the podracing thing. AND the illegal swoop bike racing in Coruscant thing. And your ENTIRE ADULT LIFE thing.
Han’s habit of running away - well, trying to run away - dies the second he is introduced to Senator Padme Amidala. Han probably takes one look at her and knows - and then promptly starts trying to desperately set up baby-Vader and the Senator. (He doesn’t know that they’re married, he just wants Leia and Luke born ASAP, is that too much to ask?!)
Oh my god everything about this.
Han Solo: Angriest Padawan in the Order. Space baby. Refusing to use a lightsaber and instead being /insane/ with a Blaster.
The Clones adore his face.
I’m not a big fan of Force Strong Han. I tend to headcanon him as being important to balancing the Force, but not Strong in the Force. The Force is with him, but he can’t use it. If that makes sense. But I would make an exception for this story.
Padme thinks he’s adorable. She also thinks he has a crush on her, and because he’s late to the Jedi, he thinks the best way to deal with it is to get his Master and the Lady together.
She and Anakin talk about it, and she gets Anakin to humor Han. And the way Han beams when Anakin is around her is obvious. Eight year old matchmaker, even if he is a foulmouthed one.
And can you imagine Han reacting to Yoda? Or Dooku? Or Palpatine. Palpatine might get a lot of bad language. A ton of bad language. (Anakin had a premonition, he took Han’s blaster away before they met with the Chancellor, or there would be blaster fire.)
This is fantastic.
On Han and his questionable force sensitivity…. I had a thought.
Pre-time travel Han was not jedi levels strong in the force. Like, sure he had SOME, nobody’s that lucky and borderline prescient without at least a little bit of the force, but he was nowhere near strong enough to become a jedi.
And then he got shanked by his crazypants son and woke up as an eight year old.
At first he didn’t notice anything different really, too busy freaking out about the sudden reset to realize that that niggling sense of STUFF in the back of his head is now much louder. The little whisper that used to warn him when some sleemo was about to draw on him is now more of a shout, and the two second reflexive draw he had is now a five second one. Big deal, right?
He’s wandering through the corellian spaceport a couple days after he’s been so rudely dumped into the past, checking out his options and seeing if he can maybe boost a ride to Kashyyyk, carrying a sack of clothes and all the credits he could swipe off his deadbeat dad, and trying his best to be as unobtrusive as possible (and totally NOT realizing that he’s using the force to make the spacer’s eyes slide right over him with his internal chant of ‘don’t notice me don’t notice me nothing to see here’), and he gets the first inkling that something may be different this time around when he just knows which transports to avoid.
And when a whole damn chorus alights in his head when he sees a little no name vessel heading who he kriff knows where, he REALLY knows something is up.
His finely honned smugglers instincts tell him that it’s going to be Trouble with a capital ‘T’ for him if he gets on that ship. That he’s going to get dragged into so much poodoo if he listens to the singing voice that says, ‘YES THAT ONE’.
He growls a million nasty curses in shyriiwook, huttese, and bocce, and sneaks on the damn ship.
A few days later he’s bruised all over from a decidedly rough landing, stolen blaster in hand when Anakin freaking Skywalker literally runs into him, a troup pf heavily armed clone troopers behind him.
Han is pretty sure he can be forgiven for shooting first and asking questions later. He did miss him after all. And he apologized to the clone trooper he winged with the off shot afterwards!
And he can totally not be blamed for biting the man after he force yanked the blaster out of his hands and scooped him up like a stray puppy.
I mean, c’mon!
Anakin does not know how this tiny, bitey foul-mouthed eight-year-old somehow got into Separatist space and stole a damn blaster, but he is Impressed, to say the least. he wants v badly to keep him. depending on the timeline, Ahsoka may also be there, and she likes this kid already.
Han is screaming internally. Han does not even want to be here at ALL, especially not anywhere near baby-Vader. Han is - apparently not going to be able to go anywhere in this state bc he is a kid, and tho mentally he’s like seventy and change, physically he is So Fucked.
(“ow! yeesh, kid, calm down, it’s fine, I’m gonna get you home to your parents -”
in retrospect, kicking baby-Vader in the stomach? not one of Han’s finest moments, but he was thinking in terms of “OH SHIT BABY VADER OH SHIT GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE OH SHIT”.)
skymurdock asked: hello I am here to tell you about Worst Time Traveller Han Solo, possibly post-TFA, grumpily rolling through the Clone Wars and accidentally earning a Reputation for knowing, strangely, exactly where to invest his money and what to do when confronted with Completely Unexpected Events. also, for some reason, he keeps running into baby-Vader a lot. STOP SHOOTING AT ME, yells Anakin, possibly just before they find themselves in another hot mess. sorry, force of habit, says Han.
also, at least once, somebody’s like “ok dude you’re a bit TOO accurate with your blaster shots as Anakin keeps complaining, lemme take your midichlorian count” “midi WHAT NOW” “I mean, you’re clearly Force-sensitive” “NO I’M NOT IT’S LUCK.”
Anakin has found his next Padawan! (Bonus if timetraveler!Han is the biological age he would have been during the actual Clone Wars - which would have been between five and ten, I think. )
okay, so you’ve got two very interesting ways that could pan out:
ONE. Han Solo either remains the same age he was when he died or the same age he was post-ROTJ when he’s dragged back in time to the Clone Wars. he wakes up somewhere on the planet that Starkiller Base used to be way back in the Clone Wars with lots of vibrant green forests and even a small thriving spaceport, finds some poor sonuvabitch with a ship, and talks his way onto it. conveniently, shit goes down and they crash-land on a planet being battled over by the Separatists and the Republic, and Han somehow finds himself face-to-face with Anakin goddamn motherfucking Skywalker.
he spends like a day in the brig of a Republic cruiser with a nasty bruise bc he shot at baby-Vader out of instinct. (that’s what he will forever use to refer to Anakin Skywalker in his head. Anakin is pissed bc of the baby part, mostly. Han is goggling at him.)
also, he prob uses a false alias, bc Han Solo currently is a tiny eight-year-old happily rolling around on Corellia.
TWO. Han Solo wakes up eight years old, on Corellia, and spends about ten minutes screaming into his pillow because NOT AGAIN. and then he v quietly runs away from home - it’s fine bc home is kind of terrible, anyway - and stows away onto a ship.
the ship gets shot down over a Separatist-controlled planet, Han finds a blaster, and then runs right into Anakin goddamn motherfucking Skywalker. Anakin, seeing a small eight-year-old stowaway, immediately decides to try and get this kid out of this absolute warzone. Han shoots at him and misses bc eight-year-old body does not have the muscle memory and rock-solid aim of seventy-plus-year-old body.
and then Anakin has to save this tiny little runaway child who is also beating angrily on his chest like LEMME GO and screaming obscenities that children should not know but smugglers-turned-war heroes-turned-smugglers again do. Han does not know what the hell kind of shit he’s landed himself in this time, but he does know he has a Very Bad Feeling about all this.
A tiny, foul-mouthed little orphan brat who knows things he shouldn’t, is far more skilled then he should be for his age, had a bad attitude, constantly surprises people, is insubordinate to the extreme, probably makes Obi-Wan and Anakin look at him very sharply indeed when he states he has a Bad Feeling about something, is obviously Strong with the Force…
It’s Anakin Skywalker mark 2.0. (Anakin is not certain why everyone is looking at him.)
(Of course Han is slated to be Anakin’s next padawan. He fights tooth and nail against it - be probably insults the High Council to their faces, and keeps trying to run away.)
Han does not WANT to be anyone’s padawan, especially not - UGH - baby-Vader’s, UGH. he just wants to find his ship and his first mate and also probably keep the galaxy from careening into a trash fire like it did before. he develops a habit of running off on missions - bc for some weird reason he does not ever actually stay at the Jedi Temple for more than a few days despite everyone’s best attempts to keep him there and actually teach him how to use the Force for things that aren’t CHEATING AT CARDS - and on one of these occasions comes back with a ship that he claims to know how to fly.
Anakin spends all of a day silently doubting him until they have to get OFF the planet and he is somehow injured and can’t pilot, so Han takes over for him and does something completely goddamn insane like - dive into an asteroid field, like he’s done it before.
(meanwhile Han is trying v desperately to pilot this brand-new non-modified version of his beloved Falcon without thinking of all the times he and Leia were in this same cockpit together. oh god he misses Leia. oh god baby-Vader is next to him yelling watch out for the asteroid like HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW SHUT UP.)
Anakin, you have no room to talk considering the whole ‘won a space battle at age ten’ thing. And the podracing thing. AND the illegal swoop bike racing in Coruscant thing. And your ENTIRE ADULT LIFE thing.
Han’s habit of running away - well, trying to run away - dies the second he is introduced to Senator Padme Amidala. Han probably takes one look at her and knows - and then promptly starts trying to desperately set up baby-Vader and the Senator. (He doesn’t know that they’re married, he just wants Leia and Luke born ASAP, is that too much to ask?!)
lbr Anakin can be kind of hypocritical sometimes, oops.
oh, lord. Han looks at Padme Amidala, then at Anakin, and the clearly besotted way they look at each other when the other is not looking, and comes to the right conclusion that they are In Love and the wrong conclusion that, bc of the whole Jedi thing, neither of them are acting on it.
and he wants Luke and Leia conceived YESTERDAY, so. he finds a way to trick both of them into a closet, lock the door, and then run off. two birds, one stone, he reasons, bc if baby-Vader is too busy getting busy with the Senator then Palpatine can’t get to him and if Palpatine can’t get to him then nothing goes straight into the shitcan and Luke and Leia will be born! it’s a brilliant plan.
Palpatine, meanwhile, is wondering why Anakin is running late for his meeting, and is seriously side-eyeing the shit out of this tiny baby padawan who Knows Too Much, clearly.
(Ahsoka shows up, at one point, possibly during a mission that went rapidly FUBAR on the same planet she was on and quickly grows to like Anakin’s new padawan. he’s Weird but he clearly knows what he’s doing! maybe a little too well.)
skymurdock asked: hello I am here to tell you about Worst Time Traveller Han Solo, possibly post-TFA, grumpily rolling through the Clone Wars and accidentally earning a Reputation for knowing, strangely, exactly where to invest his money and what to do when confronted with Completely Unexpected Events. also, for some reason, he keeps running into baby-Vader a lot. STOP SHOOTING AT ME, yells Anakin, possibly just before they find themselves in another hot mess. sorry, force of habit, says Han.
also, at least once, somebody’s like “ok dude you’re a bit TOO accurate with your blaster shots as Anakin keeps complaining, lemme take your midichlorian count” “midi WHAT NOW” “I mean, you’re clearly Force-sensitive” “NO I’M NOT IT’S LUCK.”
Anakin has found his next Padawan! (Bonus if timetraveler!Han is the biological age he would have been during the actual Clone Wars - which would have been between five and ten, I think. )
okay, so you’ve got two very interesting ways that could pan out:
ONE. Han Solo either remains the same age he was when he died or the same age he was post-ROTJ when he’s dragged back in time to the Clone Wars. he wakes up somewhere on the planet that Starkiller Base used to be way back in the Clone Wars with lots of vibrant green forests and even a small thriving spaceport, finds some poor sonuvabitch with a ship, and talks his way onto it. conveniently, shit goes down and they crash-land on a planet being battled over by the Separatists and the Republic, and Han somehow finds himself face-to-face with Anakin goddamn motherfucking Skywalker.
he spends like a day in the brig of a Republic cruiser with a nasty bruise bc he shot at baby-Vader out of instinct. (that’s what he will forever use to refer to Anakin Skywalker in his head. Anakin is pissed bc of the baby part, mostly. Han is goggling at him.)
also, he prob uses a false alias, bc Han Solo currently is a tiny eight-year-old happily rolling around on Corellia.
TWO. Han Solo wakes up eight years old, on Corellia, and spends about ten minutes screaming into his pillow because NOT AGAIN. and then he v quietly runs away from home - it’s fine bc home is kind of terrible, anyway - and stows away onto a ship.
the ship gets shot down over a Separatist-controlled planet, Han finds a blaster, and then runs right into Anakin goddamn motherfucking Skywalker. Anakin, seeing a small eight-year-old stowaway, immediately decides to try and get this kid out of this absolute warzone. Han shoots at him and misses bc eight-year-old body does not have the muscle memory and rock-solid aim of seventy-plus-year-old body.
and then Anakin has to save this tiny little runaway child who is also beating angrily on his chest like LEMME GO and screaming obscenities that children should not know but smugglers-turned-war heroes-turned-smugglers again do. Han does not know what the hell kind of shit he’s landed himself in this time, but he does know he has a Very Bad Feeling about all this.
A tiny, foul-mouthed little orphan brat who knows things he shouldn’t, is far more skilled then he should be for his age, had a bad attitude, constantly surprises people, is insubordinate to the extreme, probably makes Obi-Wan and Anakin look at him very sharply indeed when he states he has a Bad Feeling about something, is obviously Strong with the Force…
It’s Anakin Skywalker mark 2.0. (Anakin is not certain why everyone is looking at him.)
(Of course Han is slated to be Anakin’s next padawan. He fights tooth and nail against it - be probably insults the High Council to their faces, and keeps trying to run away.)
Han does not WANT to be anyone’s padawan, especially not - UGH - baby-Vader’s, UGH. he just wants to find his ship and his first mate and also probably keep the galaxy from careening into a trash fire like it did before. he develops a habit of running off on missions - bc for some weird reason he does not ever actually stay at the Jedi Temple for more than a few days despite everyone’s best attempts to keep him there and actually teach him how to use the Force for things that aren’t CHEATING AT CARDS - and on one of these occasions comes back with a ship that he claims to know how to fly.
Anakin spends all of a day silently doubting him until they have to get OFF the planet and he is somehow injured and can’t pilot, so Han takes over for him and does something completely goddamn insane like - dive into an asteroid field, like he’s done it before.
(meanwhile Han is trying v desperately to pilot this brand-new non-modified version of his beloved Falcon without thinking of all the times he and Leia were in this same cockpit together. oh god he misses Leia. oh god baby-Vader is next to him yelling watch out for the asteroid like HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW SHUT UP.)
Anakin, you have no room to talk considering the whole ‘won a space battle at age ten’ thing. And the podracing thing. AND the illegal swoop bike racing in Coruscant thing. And your ENTIRE ADULT LIFE thing.
Han’s habit of running away - well, trying to run away - dies the second he is introduced to Senator Padme Amidala. Han probably takes one look at her and knows - and then promptly starts trying to desperately set up baby-Vader and the Senator. (He doesn’t know that they’re married, he just wants Leia and Luke born ASAP, is that too much to ask?!)
Oh my god everything about this.
Han Solo: Angriest Padawan in the Order. Space baby. Refusing to use a lightsaber and instead being /insane/ with a Blaster.
The Clones adore his face.
I’m not a big fan of Force Strong Han. I tend to headcanon him as being important to balancing the Force, but not Strong in the Force. The Force is with him, but he can’t use it. If that makes sense. But I would make an exception for this story.
Padme thinks he’s adorable. She also thinks he has a crush on her, and because he’s late to the Jedi, he thinks the best way to deal with it is to get his Master and the Lady together.
She and Anakin talk about it, and she gets Anakin to humor Han. And the way Han beams when Anakin is around her is obvious. Eight year old matchmaker, even if he is a foulmouthed one.
And can you imagine Han reacting to Yoda? Or Dooku? Or Palpatine. Palpatine might get a lot of bad language. A ton of bad language. (Anakin had a premonition, he took Han’s blaster away before they met with the Chancellor, or there would be blaster fire.)
Padmé thinks Anakin’s new padawan is v lovely. Han actually splutters bc holy shit this is Leia’s MOM. holy shit he needs to find a way to get these two together, fuck what the Jedi Order says about attachments, Luke and Leia’s very existence DEPENDS ON HIM. and he will ensure it by locking the senator and baby Vader into a closet.
he does it regularly. strangely, he does it whenever he hears Anakin talking about meeting with the Chancellor. “I have no idea where Anakin went,” he says, and it is a baldfaced LIE.
that first meeting with Palpatine goes - badly. Han has to be carted off before he can kick Palpatine’s shin v hard, which prob tips Palpatine off to the fact that Han Solo might know something he should not.
oops accidental bonus headcanons because JEDI KNIGHT HAN SOLO, oooooops oh well too late now!
“It’s LUCK, kid,” Han scoffs dismissively, then proceeds to grab up the lightsaber himself and turn on the training droid, then close his eyes and nail every single bolt before knocking the thing right out of the air. “Also, see that, you don’t even NEED the Force to do that.” “… perhaps, but that was the Force you just did that with,” Obi-Wan replies slowly. “What,” Han says.
It was definitely the Force. “I AM NOT A JEDI,” Han Solo yells as he is dragged kicking and screaming into Jedi training by the power of Luke’s excitement at not being the only one suffering the indignity of getting hit in the ass by randomized droid blaster-shots, literally just that. Also Obi-Wan tells him he might be able to shave half a parsec off the Kessel Run, if he hones his Force-sense finely enough, which, well, FINE then. BUT ONLY FOR THE KESSEL RUN.
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.”
“DID I MENTION THE BAD FEELING THAT I HAVE ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT IS AN INCREASINGLY BAD FEELING.”
Leia is so appalled by the state of the Jedi in this galaxy. “Sorry, sweetheart, we can’t all be bright-eyed little beacons of galactic hope,” Han says, smashing a Stormtrooper over the head with his lightsaber hilt. The blade is blue but NO ONE WOULD FUCKING KNOW, CONSIDERING HOW RARELY HE USES THE DAMN THING. Generally speaking Jedi Knight Han Solo uses his lightsaber as A) a laser cutter and B) a blunt instrument. Obi-Wan is dead and he is STILL going to die of shame on behalf of the Order.
“WHY ARE WE ON THIS HELLISH SWAMP PLANET AND HOW DO WE GET OFF IT YESTERDAY.”
The amount of gimer-stick whaps that Han Solo suffers has not been seen in the galaxy since Yan Dooku was a snotty little baby padawan who couldn’t be assed to pay attention to anything not saberplay for more than fifteen seconds at a time.
Lando takes one look at Han Solo holding a lightsaber and laughs for TEN THOUSAND YEARS. Chewbacca is like THANK YOU, AT LAST SOMEONE ELSE SEES THE FUCKING HILARITY OF THIS SITUATION, THANK YOU, CALRISSIAN.
“Dark Side my fine Corellian ASS, I’ll show you the fucking DARK SIDE, YOU PIECE OF BANTHA SHIT, LET ME AT HIM–”
The Han - Finn relationship in the Force Awakens is so underrated in my opinion.
I mean, from the beginning Han knows this kid is lying. He may not know about the ex-Stormtrooper thing, but he knows he’s not Resistance.
And Han just doesn’t care. He finds him amusing, he looks out for the kid, he never judges him for wanting to flee from the First Order. Then there’s all of their interaction on the Starkiller planet. It’s just so fun to watch.
People love saying that Han instadopted Rey, but he picked up two kids that day.
Tbh, Han was probably just relieved when Finn had some sense, UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE HE EVER MET.
god damn it Han Solo is not some smooth ladies man or even some legendary cool smuggler dude like Han Solo is literally an enormous dork with no talent besides a pretty face and a way with words who is constantly in over his head & trying to look like a mega cool kid but the mega cool kid is 100% an act
Like literally every Han Solo scene can be summed up as either *internal screaming* or “idgaf wait yes god sorry yes i gaf but please pretend I didn’t say so I’m cool dammit I’m mega cool”
And that’s why he’s perfect & great
#like I’m p sure he won the falcon by accident#and if he really did make the kessel run super fast that was also an accident#can he even actually fly or is chewie just kind of doing it for him and sighing a lot#Han Solo#we just don’t know#he is literally just making up half the shit that happens as he goes along and is constantly surprised by not being dead#he’s that one D&D player who doesn’t plan or listen to the other players plans and just kinda charges in yelling but somehow constantly rolls 20s and everyone is like h o w
