…Is that the one with the guy with the sports logo on his head, and his friends keep fucking around an inter dimensional illuminati toilet bowl? and at least one of the guys keeps dying all the fucking time?
I’m dying. This is hilarious.
Other sci-fi series I know about from fragments:
Battlestar Galactica: somehow people cant tell toasters from other humans, and this is a problem becuase apparently we can’t enjoy our new robot friends? also half the federal government is dead? Y so grimdark?
Dr. Who: superpowered shapeshifter that could look like anything conveniently always looks like a white guy, and lives in a port-o-potty. Also something about a backwards-living wife? IDK she sounds cool but the one ep I saw was scary as hell and I’m not getting into it no matter how many dubiously attractive men you put in it.
Futurama: Simpsons minus jaundice and plus somehow more topical humor? Also theres an episiode where fucked-up teddy bears control all of spacetime?
Firefly: Actual D&D Party in space, plus the most ominous use of rubber gloves in any media.
Star Trek the one with the $2 budget that’s grossly over-acted but also Gives no Fucks to its censor board
Star Trek the one with Sir Patrick, Beardo McSexMachine and gay bored elder god?
Star trek the one with Oh god running a galactic civilization is hard feat snively gigantic-ear men who were funnier than anyone else.
Star trek CAPTAIN JANEWAY HERE TO PUT HER BOOT UP YOUR ASS AND HAVE YOU THANK HER FOR IT.
Star trek the one that’s a prequel with captain dad and hot lady vulcan and Doctor Lizard?
i feel like there’s another star trek. maybe new one with lesbians in space?
Stargate: Atlana: Dumbass dies MORE somehow
BY POPULAR REQUEST, SOME MORE:
X-FILES: Woman has to put up with colleague’s weird alien abduction fetish, whilst pregnant also something something Bees are a government conspiracy?
THE TWILIGHT ZONE: We Spent All Our Budget On Pants-Shittingly Good Writers, So Have An Alien that’s clearly A Dude With Pantyhose On His Head. You Won’t Care.
ORPHAN BLACK: ANGST CLONES
TWIN PEAKS: Weird shit goin’ on in them woods, also in the police station and the hotel and the lumber mill and- look, the PNW in general is Fucked, Okay?
FARSCAPE: Firefly, but with ACTUAL ALIENS and honestly that makes it 20354935747% better.
STRANGER THINGS: HEY YOU KNOW WHAT’D MAKE TWIN PEAKS EVEN CREEPIER? IF THE PROTAGONISTS WERE ACTUAL CHILDREN.
Dark Matter: Crew Takes Alignment penalty directly to the “common sense” part of the brain.
WESTWORLD: Disney finally goes Too Far.
SENSE 8; Bodyswapping and EVERYTHING IS GAY AND BEAUTIFUL fuk u netflix
About three things you must be sure before you read this story:
I am a grower, not a show-er. There is nothing terribly remarkable about my non-aroused junk.
I literally don’t care who sees me naked in the locker room. It took me a long time to be comfortable with my body, and I’m not in a locker room to flaunt it. I’m there to undress, shower, and dress.
My mood this morning is best summed up in these two gifs:
*** SO.
I’m in the locker room. I come out of the shower and go to my locker, and there are three guys at their lockers in the same area, all talking to each other. I pay them no mind because I don’t give a shit. I open my locker. I grab my underwear. I drop my towel.
One of the guys thought he was gonna try and be cocky and said, “You fuck chicks with that dick?”
…
My inner monologue at that exact second can best be summed up with this gif:
I turned around, completely naked, my apparently insufficient chick-fucking dick just hanging out for the world to see, looked the dude straight in the eye and said, “No, but I can take a dick like a champ. You tryna fuck?”
I have never seen a person so instantly regret a choice in my entire life. He started sputtering like a bottle of shampoo that was nearly empty and then just gave up and ran off while his friends just howled.
I calmly turned around and went about my life, minding my own goddamn business like a civilized adult.
sorry not sorry @kentparseparson and i came up with this ridiculous headcanon that definitely needed to be shared with the world
one of the frogs (probably chowder *war flashbacks to 3.15 blog post*) accidentally calls jack “dad”, oops
inevitably, it becomes a SMH meme so fast, they all start calling jack “dad”
except bitty. bitty is 100% banned from calling jack “dad”.
anyway jack gets??? so used to people calling him “dad” by the time he graduates that when some random kid is talking to their actual father like “hey dad” jack turns around like “yeah???” and the falcs are like ??? you’re not a dad ??? right????
you’ve clearly never met the samwell men’s hockey team
SMH gets out to one of jack’s games and literally all of them are wearing shirts that say “jack zimmermann is my father” and made signs like “go dad!!!!”
falcs: aw look jack ur kids are so supportive that’s beautiful (((:
jack: i have no friends in this world
and you know the falcs join in after a while of course
marty: hey dad can you pass me my water bottle
jack: you are literally older than me
tater: wow dad you playing so great, hoping i’m being big hockey star like you when i’m being grown-up
jack: go away tater i’m trying to eat my pb&j
kent somehow manages to get hold of a “jack zimmermann is my father” shirt
which marks the day that kent is also 100% banned from calling jack “dad”
bitty and kent bond over this and become best friends
it also marks the day that the jack “dad” zimmermann meme continues to spread from samwell to providence to fucking las vegas
everyone on the aces start calling him “dad”, too
aces player when jack checks him: what the fuck dad, i thought we were cool
aces goalie when jack scores: dad is that any way to treat your son
jack: *so dumbfounded he forgets how to play hockey for a minute*
the aces starting buying jack so much “#1 Hockey Dad” shit
when the aces win the cup one of them is like “i want to thank my dad, jack zimmermann, for always supporting me”
bitty is laughing so hard he falls off the couch
meanwhile jack is just like “he did not just…. say that…. on TV. bitty– bitty stop laughing you’re supposed to love me bitty please”
espn is confused. baby daddy!jack rumors arise. as does the new “Jack Zimmermann Is My Baby Daddy” meme (and shirts).
(bitty buys 3)
(shity has a crop top)
and if you think bob and alicia zimmermann are innocent during this whole strange phenomenon you’re very wrong
both of them totally get in on the baby daddy rumors. bob fuels the flames “well he did bring that one person over here that one time…” alicia starts asking when she’s going to get to meet her grandchildren, jack.
also bob wearing one of the “jack zimmermann is my father” shirts
jack: ok but dad you’re literally my dad ??? stop ??? why are you like this ???
every week there’s a new rumor over which hockey player jack zimmermann has a child with
SMH does their duty and makes sure to report to jack every time they find a new one
“hey jack why didn’t you tell us you had a kid with sid crosby bro that’s not a secret you keep from your bros”
the week it’s jack + tater, jack gets nearly simultaneous texts from ransom and kent like
“🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 right in my BACK, zimmermann, i’ve never been so BETRAYED”
kent and ransom form a Personally Betrayed By Jack Zimmermann For Taking Our Man support group
