i just received a text from my best friend that said “so i think i’m gay” out of literally nowhere
so i’m like “dude sweet for real just like suddenly you realized or?”
and she says “well i pretty much just had sex with a girl so”
AND THEN DOESN’T ANSWER ME FOR AN HOUR
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT AND THEN NOT EXPLAIN IT AT ALL
update: she couldn’t answer me because was still banging the girl
I wish this wasn’t so glaringly fake cause it would be kinda funny if it were real but its not real so its not funny and I’m being redundant for the purpose of conveying shut the fuck up and don’t make up bullshit for notes
i just scrolled back three months into a conversation to prove you wrong lmao bye bitch get off my fucking post
THE POST GOT BETTER
every time i see this i sit and read the whole thing bc it just makes me laugh. every time
spookphantom asked: Crack AU where Anakin can all of a sudden hear the background music that we all hear. Those pleasant chats with Palpy become a lot more ominous. Though Anakin admits that the fights have become a lot more epic. Thoughts?
And okay, my first though was “and the galaxy was saved because even Anakin Skywalker would struggle to keep trusting Palpatine with that music playing in the background”
Anakin think he’s gone COMPLETELY insane (maybe he’s finally been electrocuted too many times and its fried his brain). He doesn’t tell anyone though because he can still fight just fine just… everything is a lot more musical. He doesn’t want to be thought crazy and taken off the front lines.
Once he figures out what the various musical cues mean he actually finds them useful in figuring out how dangerous a situation is. Also battles are so much cooler now and boring landscapes are slightly less boring because at least now they have mood music. Yep, he can live with this.
(Although he is always confused why the ominousness that is The Imperial March starts playing at some of his decisions)
*cracks up*
Anakin: I’m so worried about something. I should probably keep my feelings to myself and attempt to solve my problems by working with Palpatine. He seems like he has my best interests at heart.
Music: DUN DUN DUN, DUN DA-DUN, DUN DA-DUN!
Anakin: [pauses] [looks around] Uh…OK. I mean, I’ll…go talk to Obi-Wan?
Music: [hopeful woodwind instruments]
Anakin: …and be open and honest about my life and what is bothering me, and try to work out a non-violent resolution to my problems?
The Force: Son, please… Guess I’m gonna enable the hints menu.
THE HINTS MENU. *dies*
Maybe Obi-Wan hears the music, too, and then the day is saved.
Obi-Wan: [walking away] Welp, guess it’s off to kill Grievous I’m sure Anakin will be fi –
Music: [Duel of the Fates]
Obi-Wan: OMG not this shit again [runs back down the hall towards Anakin]
Anakin: [running back towards Obi-Wan] Obi-Wan I just heard that Ominous Music again and also I secretly married Padme and she’s pregnant and I haven’t slept in 6 days and I keep thinking she’s going to die and I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT and if you leave I will 100% end up killing everyone and –
Obi-Wan: – oh my God! OK…it’s OK, I heard my own ominous music a second ago when I was getting ready to leave and so I won’t and we’ll fix th –
Anakin: – I heard mine when I thought about maybe talking to the Chancellor instead of y–
Palpatine: [sidling up behind them smugly] Everything all right, gentlemen?
for @words-writ-in-starlight: the Star Wars D&D AU. bc nothing makes me feel better than taking the piss out of Anakin in a tabletop game setting.
–
Ahsoka kicks her feet up on the table, leaning back in her chair. “I pick the lock,” she says, confident.
Padmé looks up from her sheets and says, “Okay, roll for it.”
She rolls, then nearly falls off her chair when she pumps her fist into the air and shouts, “Natural twenty!”
“Aw, come on,” says Anakin, glaring at the dice as if they’ve personally offended him. “You roll twenties for Ahsoka and not for me? I own you, you fuckers.”
sometimes i think about the fact that Dreamworks was working on the Prince of Egypt and Shrek at the same time and would apparently send people to work on Shrek instead of the Prince of Egypt as a form of punishment
the night i posted this i couldn’t find a source and i’ve been wondering ever since if maybe it was just some kind of fucked up fever dream or something. but no, it’s real:
alright folks, so for the first time in my life, something actually happened to me that would make a good au fanfic prompt, so here it is.
so basically a few months ago my roommates and i were talking about why boys draw dicks all over things. this discussion eventually deteriorated to the point where we were in hysterics laughing about dicks just popping up wherever you least expected them, and so the idea for Hide The Dick was born.
HTD is essentially one of the greatest games ever
conceived, or at least it seems that way to us. the rules are simple: someone hides the dick (a cartoon, laminated creation of my virgin roommate who drew from imagination, in case you were wondering) and the others look for it. if you find it, you announce where you’ve found it and then it’s your turn to hide it. we keep a tally of points on the whiteboard in the kitchen.
as you might imagine, it has been substantially easier just to hide this game from visitors, rather than explain it, so no one knows we’ve been doing this.
well today for some reason the freaking smoke detectors in our building start going off like crazy in all of the apartments. two of my roommates and i had already been waiting around for a plumber anyway, so we called the landlord and she said she’d send someone down.
and send someone she did.
shortly after the smoke alarms commenced their hellish symphony, we hear a knock at the door, so my friend gets up to open it, and in walks what is possibly THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN ANY OF US HAD EVER SEEN. like, i shit you not, after he left the room one of my roommates looked me dead in the eye and said “i’d be in for a foursome with that, if you guys are down”, like that is how attractive this man was.
so at this point he’s fixing our smoke alarm and he’s pretty and we’re being a bunch of heart-eyed children, but in fairness we were also almost certain he moonlights as a firefighter when he isn’t working for the smoke detector people, and firefighters can turn even the most reasonable people into goo. after a bit he tells us he thinks he knows what the problem is and he’s just going to replace all the smoke detectors. so he leaves for the hardware store down the road and he says he’ll only be gone for a few minutes.
we, of course, being rational twenty-somethings, used this time to gush about how attractive he was. but anyway, he comes back and swaps out the smoke detectors and suddenly makes his way into the kitchen and he just goes: “you know what, while i’m here, i should actually check the date on your fire extinguisher…” and about halfway through this sentence a few things start to happen simultaneously.
ash, one of my roommates, her eyes just fly open in abject horror. (this is the girl who drew the dick in the first place) and all she manages to get out is “i just want you to know we play this game and w-”
and kelsey (magic-not-realism), my other roommate, turns on her with this horrified expression, mixed with like utter defeat and she doesn’t have to say a word but we all know her brain is just going “you fucking didn’t!!!!”
so i turn around just in time to see this random, innocent firefighter hold up the fire extinguisher with the dick taped to the back.
that’s it, that’s the prompt. (i mean more happened, but it feels more fun to leave it unspecific). if you ever turn this into something (particularly of the destiel variety) please send it to me!
hey again internet peeps! so, believe it or not, i actually got a handful of anons about this and, back by popular demand, is my HTD story.
ok so, we’re standing there with this hot firefighter and all of us are pretty much just staring at him in shock at this point. this was truly a cosmic joke of epic proportions.
what you have to understand is that that dick had only been on the fire extinguisher for like, maybbbbbeee 12 hours because ash had just hid it there before we went to bed, so no one fucking expected this, least of all shawn the firefighter.
for a moment he just kind of stared at it, literally unable to process what he held in his hand. i’m not sure how many of you actually referred to the visual aid in the original post, but for those who didn’t, this dick is as anatomically correct as you could possibly expect from a virgin. like, ash and i laid on the couch the day she drew it and i forced her to draw and shade veins and pubes, so like, clearly an effort was made. there was no coming back from that kind of detail.
this was a dick with a purpose.
so shawn finally regains his wits and he untapes the dick and stares at it some more and then he lifts it up towards us and points with the most confused expression on his face, and just goes in the most disbelieving tone: “A penis….??? On MY fire extinguisher?!”
and so again, all of us are flying into action at the same time. ash is alternating between this high keening noise of embarrassment and fighting off giggles in between breathless “i’m sorry’s”. kelsey is laughing nervously and kind of trying to explain the game a little bit and as for me, well, i’d completely lost my shit at that point.
i was practically in tears just from the shock on his face and so finally i’m like “you win! oh my god, you win!” and i got up from the couch and went into the kitchen and drew him a space on the scoreboard and gave him a point. now, my back is turned at this point but kelsey and ash are just laughing now and every few seconds you hear shawn’s disbelieving voice go “a penis?”
anyway, i should probably be wrapping this up so i’m just going to do the cliff-notes of the rest of this visit
shawn complimented the dick before he left
he confirmed that this was not the weirdest thing he’s ever stumbled across accidentally
i asked him to hide the dick again, since that’s how we play and he said “i can’t be hiding penises in your rooms i’ll probably get in trouble for that” (ftr i didn’t say rooms, we always hide it in common areas jeez shawn get your mind out of the gutter)
we apologized about a couple hundred times
he went to our neighbors to install smoke detectors and it occured to us that he might tell them about the game
we drafted a plan to move if that happens
he came back and we explained the origin story of the dick and asked him why boys draw penises on things and he reported that he’d never had that particular urge
he left us his business card on his way out the door and then we laid on the couch and laughed about this until we cried
![shiphitsthefan:
“when would your showrunner ever [2/?]
”](http://68.media.tumblr.com/5d1ed97b54b425271b6454354a516ce1/tumblr_opz8a1Czr51qavjjto1_500.jpg)
