Anonymous asked: please, what is "gaslighting"?
Okay, this is a good question, I’m going to try to be clear.
So, gaslighting is fundamentally a method of psychological abuse intended to make the victim question their own sanity. The word’s been in use for about a century, common since about the 60′s, originating with a 1938 stage play called Gas Light featuring a woman whose husband would manipulate small parts of their environment (notably the gas lights in their house) and then insist to her and to everyone else that she was remembering incorrectly, mistaken, or outright delusional. Gaslighting basically means telling someone with absolute confidence that you’re right and their memory is flawed, and you’d be surprised how damaging it can be to a person. It’s a terrifying experience, to believe you can’t trust your own mind, and it makes an abuse victim a much easier target. It’s considered something of a hallmark of psychological abuse–so much so that it’s used in brainwashing techniques.
For example:
Sue* invites Jane over to her house for a playdate. Let’s assume they’re ten or so–old enough to ‘know better.’ Jane brings a doll, and Sue likes the doll very much. At the end of the playdate, Jane goes to pick up her doll and take it home, and Sue starts crying and won’t let go of Jane’s doll.
“This is my doll, I want it back,” says Jane.
“This is MY doll and you’re lying!” Sue shouts. “You’re trying to steal it from me!”
“No, I’m not,” Jane says, “I brought this doll here in the first place.” She’s confused, because she knows the doll is hers, but Sue is her friend and, normally, Jane would trust her word.
Sue insists that the doll is hers, and starts screaming for her mother. Sue’s mother shows up and wants to know what’s wrong.
“Jane’s trying to steal my doll!” Sue cries.
Sue’s mother looks at the doll and knows that Sue doesn’t own it, she remembers seeing Jane bring the doll over, but she says, “Jane, give Sue her doll back and stop lying.”
“I’m not lying!” Jane says, starting to cry. She remembers bringing the doll over, she remembers getting it for Christmas, she remembers all this, but…Sue and Sue’s mother seem awfully sure. And Sue’s mother is a grown-up. “It’s my doll!”
Sue’s mother reaches down and picks up the doll and looks at it. “I remember buying this for Sue,” the mother says, looking disappointed down at Jane. “I can’t believe you would lie about something like this.”
“I’m not lying,” Jane insists, crying harder.
“Then you’re imagining it,” Sue’s mother says, handing the doll back to Sue. “Don’t be such a baby, stop crying. And get your imagination under control.”
Sue, doll in hand, immediately stops crying. She smiles at Jane, and says, “Or maybe you’re just crazy.”
Names/toy in question have been changed
Or, alternatively:
Yam-In-Chief: My inauguration was yuuuge, biggest inauguration in history.
Media: Um? No? No it wasn’t?
Yam-In-Chief: Yes it was!
Media: It literally wasn’t, we can prove it, look, we have photographic evidence and statistics.
Yam-In-Chief: You’re fake news! You’re lying to the American public!
Media: ??????????
So, on the subject of resisting gaslighting: trust yourself. If you believe you can’t, if for example you suffer hallucinatory experiences that make you uncertain, find someone whose report of the past you do trust. Or, barring that, write it down somewhere you can keep safe and look at it if you feel like you’re being lied to.
Hope this was helpful, sweetheart!
