Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

mythicallovely:

I’ve looked at synesthesia a few times in the past in psychology classes and just for personal research and I’ve never thought I had it but I had never heard of lexical-gustatory (words/sounds having a taste) until today’s episode and like…that’s something I’ve always experienced. Like I always just assumed that I had a really weird and intense sense of imagery or something.
But the word “good” tastes like a cold, sweet, flowery, juicy pear; “San Diego” tastes like waffles; the voice of the pastor of the church I went to grade school at tasted like tomato sauce (I would get so hungry during chapel services that my stomach would start rumbling); “cherry” tastes cold and sharp and syrupy sweet, like a slushy; the voice of a girl that went to my church when I was little tasted like biting into a crisp, cold Granny Smith apple when she said certain words; I made a post awhile ago (I’ll try to link to it later when I’m not on mobile) about how RandL’s voices together taste like eating fries with a milkshake.
And it’s all a subconscious thing. Like it’s just always been the natural, automatic response to hearing/seeing certain words/voices. But how do I know if it’s something I have or if I’m just like…trying too hard? Like I don’t want to be one of those people who are like, “oh look at how special/different/unique I am I have this thing that you’ve never heard of,” because people pretending they’re a certain way for attention is one of the most irritating things in the world to me, but like I really feel like this could be a legitimate thing…? But I don’t want to be one of those people if it’s not…?

Okay, sweetie, I feel for you. I have synesthesia in a couple forms (I see words spin in my mind’s eye when I listen to someone talk, and voices or music have colors that look like those sound wave things, sometimes numbers or numerical patterns have musical notes, and people have colors–it’s weird but like my mother is dark green and my dad is dark blue and my roommate is bright green and my friend is dark orange, and the colors seem…pretty much baseless although I’ve never liked bright pink or bright orange people much) and I had EXACTLY THAT FREAK OUT. Like, when I’m on the spot I have trouble putting it into words, so I kind of went “right, I’m fooling myself into thinking I’m unique, bad Moran, no biscuit.” But…like…once you start paying attention to it, it’s hard to ignore. So finally I went to my psych teacher and described it and she was like “you have synesthesia” and I blinked at her and went “but it’s not strong enough to be synesthesia” and she gave me what I think is still some of the best advice I’ve ever heard on the subject.

It’s your brain. You’ve always had it. If one sense hooks into another sense in any way, it’s going to feel normal to you, and it might be totally unremarkable to you because you’ve always been this way. You feel me? It’s the same as when my therapist was like “Novel thought, possibly part of the reason exams and busy work are hard for you is because you’re ADHD” and my response was (I kid you not) “Everyone has trouble sitting still for more than ten minutes.” Until someone brought it up with me, I thought it was perfectly normal that I can’t sit still for more than ten minutes or concentrate on a single thing for more than ten minutes, because it just…never occurred to me.

Fortunately, synesthesia is 100% subjective and based on your own experiences, so here’s the only question you need to answer to put your concerns to bed (not permanently, these concerns will be back, but less often maybe). Do you recall this phenomenon of words–>tastes happening before you found the phrase ‘lexical-gustatory synesthesia?’ If so, then it’s not your brain manifesting things to make you feel ‘special,’ no matter how much you worry about such a thing. Please collect your party hat and club jacket on the table to your left.

(Source: mythicoffee, via ailleee)

Tags: wow i probably was not supposed to answer this but it was NOT gonna fit in an ask box aaaaanyway synesthesia yep good times look the wiring of my brain is basically like someone took a perfectly good computer gave it a few whacks with a crowbar and rewired the resulting mess at random it works but sometimes it sparks and fizzles in concerning ways and sometimes the picture turns into a weasel doing the hula or something don't question it hope that was helpful buddy

cameoamalthea:

greenjudy:
pyrrhicgoddess:
thgchoir:
no offense but this is literally the most neurotypical thing i have ever seen
Uhhhh… no. This is what they teach you in therapy to deal with BPD and general depression. When I got out of the hospital after hurting myself a second time, I got put into intensive outpatient program for people being released from mental hospitals as a way to monitor and help transition them into getting them efficient long-term care. This is something they stressed, especially for people with general depression. When you want to stay at home and hide in your bed, forcing yourself to do the opposite is what is helpful. For me, who struggles with self harm- “I want to really slice my arm up. The opposite would be to put lotion on my skin (or whatever would be better, like drawing on my skin) the opposite is the better decision.” It doesn’t always work because of course mental health isn’t that easy, but this is part of what’s called mindfulness (they say this all the time in therapy)
Being mindful of these is what puts you on the path to recovery. If you’re mindful, you are able to live in that moment and try your best to remember these better options.
I swear to god, I don’t get why some people on this website straight up reject good recovery help like this because either they a)have never been in therapy so don’t understand in context how to use these coping tactics. Or b)want to insist that all therapists and psych doctors are neurotypical and have zero idea what they are talking about. (Just so ya know, they teach this in DBT, the therapy used to help BPD. The psychologist who came up with DBT actually had BPD, so….a neurotypical women didn’t come up with this.)
I have clinical OCD and for me, exposure therapy–a version of “do the opposite”–has been fundamental. I’ve had huge improvement in the last year, but I’m 100% clear that if I hadn’t done my best to follow this protocol I’d be fucked. I have a lot of empathy for that moment when you’re just too tired to fight and you check the stove or you wash your hands or go back to the office at midnight to make sure the door is locked. But the kind of therapeutic approach outlined above has been crucial for me.
It’s hard to do. I’ve weathered panic attacks trying to follow this protocol. But I’ve gotten remarkable results. I was afraid to touch the surfaces in my house, okay? I was afraid to touch my own feet, afraid to touch my parrot–deliberately exposing myself to “contamination” has helped me heal. I can’t speak for people with other issues, but this has helped my anxiety and OCD.
I feel that tumblr, in an effort to be accepting of mental illness, has become anti-recovery. Having a mental illness does not make you a bad person. There is nothing morally wrong with having a mental illness anymore than more than there’s something morally wrong with having the flu. However, if you’re “ill” physically or mentally, something is wrong in the sense that you are unwell and to alleviate that you should try to get better. While there is not “cure” for mental illness, there are ways to get better.
There was a post on tumblr where someone with ADHD posted about how much you can get done when you focus and was attacked for posting about being “nuerotypical” - when she was posting about the relief she got from being on an medication to treat her illness.
I saw another post going around tumblr that said something along the line of “you control your thoughts, why not choose to have happy thoughts” which again was shot down as “nuerotypical” but while you don’t have control over what thoughts come into your mind, you absolutely can and should choose to have happy thoughts. In DBT we call this “positive self talk”.
I’m in DBT to help treat PTSD stemming from child abuse. The abuse and abandonment I experienced destroyed my self esteem and created a lot of anxiety over upsetting other people. DBT has taught me to recognize when my thoughts are distorting realty ‘no one likes you’ and answer back ‘plenty of people like you, you don’t need everyone to like you, especially if the relationship doesn’t make you happy’, to respond to the thought ‘I’m so worthless’ with ‘you’re really great and have accomplished something’
And it’s not easy to challenge your thoughts, it’s a skill that’s learned and it’s hard to force yourself to think something that doesn’t seem authentic or even seems wrong to think - it’s hard to be encouraging towards yourself when you hate yourself - but you force yourself to be aware of your thoughts and push back when you fall into unhealthy patterns
That isn’t “so neurotypical” that’s recovery.
Not shaming mental illness doesn’t mean shaming RECOVERY.
Pro-Recovery isn’t anti-disability.
Do not shame healthy behaviors as “neurotypical”.
Learning healthy behaviors and taking steps to treat mental illness and disorders including taking medication if that’s what works for you is important. You shouldn’t be ashamed if you have mental illness, but you shouldn’t say ‘well I’m not neurotypical therefor I can’t do anything to get better’ - while there is no cure for mental illness, there is a lot you can do to get better, to function better, to manage your mental illness and be safer, happier, and healthier for it.

(Source: dbttiger, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

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