Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

history-jokes:

the best story i think i’ve ever heard at a party was from this ex-Lutheran who was absolutely shitfaced and told us all about the origins of Lutherism bc it’s so??? incredible??? apparently martin luther was this like twenty-one year old college student and atheist (of course) and he’s walking home during this thunderstorm, just soaking wet, miserable, probably cussing out the god he supposedly doesn’t believe in, and he gets struck by lightning, which, obviously, sucks. he’s probably pissed as hell because he’s miraculously alive but also probably in a lot of pain, probably cursing god’s name yet again, and he gets struck by lightning a second time like??? What the fuck!!! how unlucky is that!! and so now he’s running for a forest to hide underneath the trees, once again furious at god, and he gets struck by lightning for the third time!!! so he finally makes it to the trees, probably crispy as hell, exhausted and in pain and he drops to his knees and says basically “god, please, for fucks sake, stop hitting me with lightning. I swear if you leave me alone i’ll go to a monastery and become a monk and re-invent this religion i guess but please just leave me alone” and he’s not struck by lightning again so he becomes a monk like??? i’m not Lutheran so i don’t know how accurate this drunk re-telling is but i believe it whole-heartedly and have gained a healthy respect for the wrath of god

knitmeapony:

bamf-happens:

Imagine your otp

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

lainybunbuns:

rrueplumet:

i love prince eric.  from the little mermaid.  he’s hilarious.  because he seems like one of the most mild-mannered and unassuming princes in the disney canon, but he is also one of the few to actively kill the bad guy.   most disney villains die by consequence of the final battle but are not directly killed by the hero/heroine.  most of them fall to their deaths or cause their own demise, and sometimes the hero is indirectly responsible because they’ll launch them into that direction or something, but they still don’t bring knife to heart directly.  

but then a couple do.  and prince eric is my fave out of those few because up until the final act, he is the most chill motherfucker u ever seen.  like he is quick to spring to action during the storm scene n stuff, but otherwise?  he’s really quiet n sensitive and runs along the beach playing the flute for his big shaggy dog n he smiles like a lil nerd and gets all cute around ariel and he’s so sweet n everything.

AND THEN IN THE FINAL BATTLE THAT MOTHERFUCKER STRAIGHT UP DRIVES A SHIP THROUGH URSULA LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!  NO WONDER NO ONE IS TRYIN TO LAY SIEGE TO HIS KINGDOM!!  ALL THE NEIGHBOURS ARE LIKE “HOLY SHIT DON’T GO THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST!  HE’LL STRAIGHT UP DRIVE A BOAT THROUGH YOUR BITCH!”

i love him

At the beginning of the movie Prince Eric, without hesitation, jumps into the ocean, in the middle of a storm, and climbs onto a ship that’s on fire, all to rescue his dog.

Then when he’s convinced some mystery woman saved him, he starts looking for her just to thank her. On his way, he meets some mute naked teenage girl who can’t even walk or dress herself, confirms that she’s not the girl he’s looking for, then brings her to stay at his castle anyway, for no particular reason.

No one questions this, just like they don’t question when he shows up three days later with a mysterious woman one morning and says he’s getting married that same day. At said wedding, several witnesses see his fiance turn into a sea monster, which he then murders by piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of the ocean straight into her.

A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings. Again, no one questions this.

I’m convinced that Eric had to have done some crazy insane stunts on a regular basis, cause despite him being so chill and relaxed normally, no one bats an eyelash at any of his ridiculous decisions or incredible feats during the course of the film. Clearly they’re all used to it, and rumours of him marrying an ocean princess would only dissuade potential enemies of his country even further.

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

fableprincess:

rahayn:

k so story time:

i went to the local shakespeare festival (and by local, i mean on the other end of the state) and during the day i convinced my mother to go hiking with me because we were in the center of like four national parks

so we end up hiking this trail that sort of jack-knifes down the mountain and I end up climbing partway up a tree on the edge of the trail to see further out, so my smartass mother asks “legolas, what do your elf eyes see?”

and i, in my smarmy glory, go “they’re taking the hobbits to isengard!”

which is funny enough as is, but then the entire mountainside of hikers hidden in the trees goes “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-GARD-GARD! THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD, TO ISENGARD!”

and that’s how an entire hiking trail of people who never actually saw one another convinced my mother i’m some sort of meme-summoning mountain troll

Oh Christ this made my day! XD

(Source: alsayn, via primarybufferpanel)

slyrider:

the-rebel-and-the-captain:

andrethydragosaur:

the-rebel-and-the-captain:

Jyn: babe, come over

Cassian: I can’t, I just fell thirty feet

Jyn: I’m about to get shot

Cassian:

I’M DEAD

So are they.

@words-writ-in-starlight

jack “dad” zimmermann

omgparsonpls:

sorry not sorry @kentparseparson and i came up with this ridiculous headcanon that definitely needed to be shared with the world

• one of the frogs (probably chowder *war flashbacks to 3.15 blog post*) accidentally calls jack “dad”, oops
  
• inevitably, it becomes a SMH meme so fast, they all start calling jack “dad”
  
• except bitty. bitty is 100% banned from calling jack “dad”.
• anyway jack gets??? so used to people calling him “dad” by the time he graduates that when some random kid is talking to their actual father like “hey dad” jack turns around like “yeah???” and the falcs are like ??? you’re not a dad ??? right????
  
• you’ve clearly never met the samwell men’s hockey team
• SMH gets out to one of jack’s games and literally all of them are wearing shirts that say “jack zimmermann is my father” and made signs like “go dad!!!!”
  
• falcs: aw look jack ur kids are so supportive that’s beautiful (((:
• jack: i have no friends in this world
• and you know the falcs join in after a while of course
  
• marty: hey dad can you pass me my water bottle
• jack: you are literally older than me
• tater: wow dad you playing so great, hoping i’m being big hockey star like you when i’m being grown-up
• jack: go away tater i’m trying to eat my pb&j
• kent somehow manages to get hold of a “jack zimmermann is my father” shirt
  
• which marks the day that kent is also 100% banned from calling jack “dad”
• bitty and kent bond over this and become best friends
• it also marks the day that the jack “dad” zimmermann meme continues to spread from samwell to providence to fucking las vegas
  
• everyone on the aces start calling him “dad”, too
  
• aces player when jack checks him: what the fuck dad, i thought we were cool
• aces goalie when jack scores: dad is that any way to treat your son
• jack: *so dumbfounded he forgets how to play hockey for a minute*
• the aces starting buying jack so much “#1 Hockey Dad” shit
  
• when the aces win the cup one of them is like “i want to thank my dad, jack zimmermann, for always supporting me”
  
• bitty is laughing so hard he falls off the couch
• meanwhile jack is just like “he did not just…. say that…. on TV. bitty– bitty stop laughing you’re supposed to love me bitty please”
• espn is confused. baby daddy!jack rumors arise. as does the new “Jack Zimmermann Is My Baby Daddy” meme (and shirts).
  
• (bitty buys 3)
• (shity has a crop top)
• and if you think bob and alicia zimmermann are innocent during this whole strange phenomenon you’re very wrong
  
• both of them totally get in on the baby daddy rumors. bob fuels the flames “well he did bring that one person over here that one time…” alicia starts asking when she’s going to get to meet her grandchildren, jack.
  
• also bob wearing one of the “jack zimmermann is my father” shirts
  
• jack: ok but dad you’re literally my dad ??? stop ??? why are you like this ???
• every week there’s a new rumor over which hockey player jack zimmermann has a child with
  
• SMH does their duty and makes sure to report to jack every time they find a new one
• “hey jack why didn’t you tell us you had a kid with sid crosby bro that’s not a secret you keep from your bros”
• the week it’s jack + tater, jack gets nearly simultaneous texts from ransom and kent like  “🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 right in my BACK, zimmermann, i’ve never been so BETRAYED”
  
• kent and ransom form a Personally Betrayed By Jack Zimmermann For Taking Our Man support group

(Source: kentvparsin, via windbladess)

you-wish-you-had-this-url:

jessicahenwick:

seduce me with obscure knowledge of history

*seductive voice* Alexander Hamilton wasn’t allowed to fast track trough Princeton because a student had done that the previous year, and had a nervous breakdown due to stress. That student was James Madison.

(via skymurdock)