Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

thebibliosphere:

jambonsama:

writing-prompt-s:

Werewolves and vampires are still around, long after most humans have been enslaved or eliminated by the AI uprising. Now it’s time to give those robots something they weren’t calculating for.

@thebibliosphere 

HA HA HA HA HA

Time for the nerdy math vampires to shine.

Vampire: It took me 100 years but I managed to figure out how their coding kept changing. Once you upload this into the mainframe it should reduce their functional capacity and enable you to free the humans from the compound.

Werewolf: Reduce them to what?

Vampire: A toaster on legs.

Werewolf: Nice. What about the humans, how do we help them after this?

Vampire: Pft, please give them a few decades to reproduce and they’ll be fine. Bubonic plague didn’t wipe those motherfuckers out. Humans are the evolutionary equivalent of toddlers: they bounce.

(via windbladess)

area51-official:

the-sky-traveler:

my brother is teaching his cat how to high five by giving her a treat every time she successfully taps her hand to his hand, which is all well and good, but now she thinks that she is entitled to food every time she high fives someone.  i can’t eat in the same room as her anymore because she’ll just bap my hand rapid fire and then go nyoom straight in for my pizza like no Kelly that’s illegal go finish ur own dinner

every time i read this i lose my shit

(via thebookcamefirst)

cosettefauchelevent:

i picked up a new class of year sevens today and i was writing on the board (in very illegible overly loopy cursive) and one girl was like “miss rose, i think you’re a very similar person to your handwriting” and i was like “why do you think that sweetheart?” and she was like “it’s very pretty but a lot of it is just unnecessary”

and can i just say i don’t think i’ve ever been dragged that hard in my life let alone by an eleven year old

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

princesszeldaz:

Sean Bean hiking up to the Lord of the Rings sets bc he’s afraid of helicopters is even funnier when you hear that Viggo Mortensen did the exact same thing, except Viggo’s reason for hiking to the sets was bc he wanted to be authentically travel-worn

Like literally you have Boromir doing this pretty cool thing bc he’s scared to death of the alternative while Aragorn just does it for The Aesthetic™

(via thepainofthesass)

drst:

lesbianshepard:

so my english professor told us this story last year about how he met his wife and it’s completely possible that he made it up just to entertain us but he says it happened and the story is this

he’s a a cruise with his parents to australia where he’s gonna spend a year or so for some reason. can’t remember why but it was job related. his mom is worried that if he spends too long away from her without her constant advice (my mom is also like this lol) he’s going to do something impulsive and ridiculous. 

so, he decides to prank her by pretending to get married to a woman he just met. because he’s obviously so impulsive and ridiculous. so he’s talking to people and stuff and he asks this woman if she’s cool with pretending to marry him to prank his parents. and she says yes. then he goes and talks to the captain and crewmembers and he’s like “i have this ridiculously funny prank where i’m going to pretend to marry this lovely woman to freak out my mom.” and they, of course, reply hell yeah. so like since the first mate has the power to marry people, i guess, he agrees to the fake wedding. 

so at lunch he’s like “mom, dad, this is alyssa. i met her last night and we’re in love and also getting married.” and his mom freaks out and that could be that. but no.

if they’re gonna do this they’re gonna go big or go home.

so, he changes his facebook status to “married to alyssa” and invites all his friends to his wedding in the middle of the ocean. (and they believe him and congratulate him and he’s concerned that his friends think he would really marry a random woman he met like six hours ago) 

now his mom is getting really nervous b/c alyssa (the fake bride) got her friends she was on the cruise to be her bridesmaids. they got the first mate to “marry” then at dinner in front of people. the mom is horrified. 

anyway the next day he goes “just kidding!” and it’s hilarious. but then he has to contact all his friends who were calling him on the phone and stuff to congratulate him to tell them it was an elaborate joke and they all think he’s an asshole and he and alyssa part ways but keep in touch b/c they… actually get along pretty well. 

anyway like a year later they meet up again in boston (i think? big city that wasnt new york) and talk and end up dating for like a year and then end up engaged for real. and now he invites his friends to his real wedding and all their RSVPs essentially say “i’ll show up, but if this is another fake one i’ll fucking murder you” and the mom just flat out didnt believe him for a month because she’s not falling for that again.

and now they’ve been married happily for like three years and they’re expecting their second child who has probably been born by now 

and the overall point of this post is: imagine your otp

Well this is a prompt for fic if I’ve ever seen one.

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)