vintar:

there’s a lot of people pushing back against “write what you know” as advice for aspiring authors and i would like to speak up in its defence for a moment because i just finished reading a mystery book where the murder weapon was a vicious fighting dog, and in the scene where it was finally revealed we found out that a) the person who had stolen it and was using it to kill people it had been keeping it secret from the police by locking it in his car boot, b) it was an irish wolfhound, c) once freed, it attacked the hardboiled detective across the yard instead of the gormless idiot who had been repeatedly stuffing it in a car boot, and d) its way of attacking the detective in this very dramatic finale was via mighty swipes of its sharp claws, which slashed through his skin like knives

i don’t think this author has seen a dog in his life. i think he might have confused them with lions? write what you know: if you’re writing an animal, be fairly confident that you could point to one in a small child’s pop-up book

(via primarybufferpanel)

dimir-charmer:

dimir-charmer:

dimir-charmer:

dimir-charmer:

dimir-charmer:

dimir-charmer:

dimir-charmer:

James Tiberius “sunk all his points into improvised weaponry and bluff” Kirk, space bard.

Commander “charisma is a dump stat” Spock, space wizard

Lieutenant “wait, can we use supplemental materials for this?” Sulu, space duelist

Lieutenant  Nyota“lockpick and detect trap are literally always useful skills guys come on” Uhura, space theif

Lieutenant Commander Montgomery “definitely going to blow the party up with that flask of Greek fire” Scott, space alchemist.

Ensign Pavel “Does not know how to tank” Chekov, Barbarian

And finally, to round out the party, Leonard “I can’t believe not a single one of you motherfuckers took a single rank in healing, I should pick rogue just to spite you,” McCoy, space cleric.

(via youfightlikemysister)

personalphilosophie:

arealliveghost:

mulattafury:

sometimes u go on google searching for a reference image and you just find something that is totally not what you are looking for but is better than anything u could have ever dreamed


who is she

[source]

the moment I saw this woman I was completely overcome with the feeling that she was, at that very moment, somehow divorcing me

@romelette I’m redoing your birthday picture

That’s the best description of a picture I’ve ever seen.

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

Tags: laugh rule

princess-laya:

driad:

nyx5:

i prefer guys who make small dick jokes about themselves over guys who make big dick jokes about themselves

I got a medium dick

It can talk to ghosts

I nearly spat out my tea

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

Tags: laugh rule

oswinstark:

wayhaughtt:

Traveling back to 2011

“So you’re from the future”
“The year 2016″
“So the world’s not gunna end in 2012!”
“Ha! Well, you’re gunna wish it did”

(via windbladess)

vastderp:

hezascarlet:

blvck-mermaid:

onlyblackgirl:

PSA📡"Ladies your panties shouldn’t be dry at the end of the day" - AND I THANK YOU!

THIS

WHO IS THIS

why doesn’t this person teach sex ed in every school again

(via amusewithaview)

kaijuslayer:

Let me tell you about one of my high school friends’ old Dungeons and Dragons PCs.

Olaf Olafson was your pretty straightforward Northman Barbarian type. Huge, strong, pale, red-haired and with a tremendous beard. What made Olaf special was the little things.

Despite living in a world with clerical magic, demons, and other powerful alignment-based Outsiders, Olaf was an atheist. This was because his people believed the last world had already ended and the gods went with it (basically post-Ragnarok). All that was left were ‘spirits’. Powerful spirits. Who could grant deific magic. But they weren’t gods, and you didn’t have to worship them- in fact you shouldn’t, because it would just inflate their already swollen egos.

Despite being an enormous, frightening, powerful man with dubious hygeine and a propensity for going literally berserk in combat, Olaf was a gentle fellow in towns and villages, had a deep fondness for small fluffy animals and children, and was a generous tipper.

Olaf liked to drink. Not mead, but wine. He liked to sip it. It made him feel ‘civilized’. He never drank it quickly enough to get drunk. His meals almost invariably consisted of “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” Which was what he would order in literally every tavern. They’d ask him to clarify, what sort of wine? What sort of meat? What sort of- Olaf would raise a hand and repeat, slowly, as if to a fool: “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” 

Olaf spoke broken common, more or less Hulk-speak, referred to himself in the third person almost exclusively, all that fun stuff. Then we had a story arc where I sent them up to Olaf’s homeland, where everyone spoke ‘Northman’ or whatever the hell I called it. While up there, he was incredibly fluent. Even poetic. “My brothers! I have returned from the decadent lands of the south, bearing riches and glory, and tales of great deeds!” The other players caught on and talked like a pack of movie Frankensteins, barely able to communicate in the foreign tongue.

For a long time, Olaf was the most financially stable member of the party. Because he bought a tavern in their home-base-town, hired the senior barmaid/waitress lady to be the manager, and funneled the profits back into the business. He kept his adventuring money and his tavern money separate, except when he would sometimes spend adventuring money to expand the tavern. 

 There’s not a lot to do in 3rd edition with skill ranks when you’re a barbarian, so eventually Olaf sank a point into Healing on a lark. A few sessions later, they captured an important enemy NPC, but he’d lost an arm in the fighting and was about to die. Their cleric had been captured and their NPC paladin wasn’t around, either. There was no magical healing available, and no one else had any ranks in healing. The dude was about to die, and take with him the knowledge of where their friends had been taken. Olaf- with a  single rank in Healing I remind you -offered to save his life in exchange for the location, and the guy agreed. Olaf then stuck a sword in the fire, said “Olaf see this once,” and cauterized the wound.

It worked, of course. I didn’t even make him roll. I was too busy trying not to piss myself laughing. “Olaf see this once.” Jesus Christ.

(via amusewithaview)

robotmango:

awed-frog:

robotmango:

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

I AM CRYING REAL TEARS RIGHT NOW

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

holy-crap-someone-finally:

equestrianrepublican:

maknbacn:

the-vashta-nerada:

bitterempress:

1800’s French Military Uniform

image

Today’s Military Uniforms

image

where did all the style go

where was the time when you could just

out-fab your opponents

do you really think it’s a good idea to take military advice from the French

REBLOGGING BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING OMFG

Historically the “style” died in 1914 because the French would wear bright blue and red uniforms and the British said “that’s a bad idea” and the French said “we look great” then they got sniped.

I visited a WWI battlefield a few years ago and Canadian soldiers used to wear these metal plates on their backs to show that they weren’t German but they reflected sunlight really well so when they tried to hide they were p much as bright as a goddamn lighthouse

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

moonlovingvampire:

jammy-lannistray:

can we take a second to ponder on the fact that a kids movie did lady armor better than the entire film and comic industry

guess who i’m talking about

did you guess? Well you’re fucking WRONG because it’s Susan goddamn Pevensie

They gave her light armor, appropriate for a small archer:chainmail, an arm brace, chest plate, and a light skirt she can easily run around murderizing dudes in the face in

her hair is also only loose in the promo pictures because Susan is fucking busy not dying because her hair was flying into her eyeballs so she braids that shit back

her mail shirt is also loose enough that it doesn’t impede her arm movements it’s almost like she’s dressed for a fight wow

I like the pinks and purples under her bitchin as hell leather armor here, because you don’t have to be masculine to shoot someone in the goddamn face

@bikiniarmorbattledamage look, good armor, on a girl

I feel it’s a worrying statement about the state of media when a movie set in a universe where wardrobes can literally be trans-dimensional portals for the sake of narrative convenience has one of the better examples of making fantasy female armor that is styled around something other than sex appeal.

Because while one could, if really determined, pick out all the points by which this armor is not “really functional” the fact is that it does convey a sense of readiness and being larger than life… without resorting to the usual tropes.

- wincenworks

(Source: merianymerosmartell, via windbladess)