eccentric-obsessive:

honestly being high functioning mentally ill is the worst because i know that my thoughts are irrational! i know my reactions are unhelpful and immature! i know i’m being a little shit! i know!! and i can’t! stop! fucking! doing! it!!!

I am so acutely aware that my anxieties are irrational and my impulses are stupid and my fixations are unhelpful.  SO AWARE.

And you just sit there and fucking stew in the fact that you know how stupid it is and therefore you should be able to stop it and you can’t, and it spawns this whole new flotilla of problems.  Nothing will tank your self-esteem in quite the same way as sitting there and having a panic attack and the whole time thinking “I’m panicking over nothing, I know I’m panicking over nothing, I should be able to stop this and I’m too useless to manage it.”

(via n-haught)

Tags: adventures in adhd this really applies to a lot of my acronyms (that tag should really be 'adventures in acronyms') like ptsd for example i KNOW that 99.999% of dentists are perfectly benign and in fact genuinely nice i will still shut right down walking into a dentist's office i KNOW that my food isn't contaminated but i'll still have days or weeks where i can't eat something that wasn't prepared in front of me or adhd i can FEEL myself losing focus sometimes and it's awful it makes me feel sick and out of control like that first horrible moment where the ground slips underneath you and you KNOW you're about to fall down a hill and i'm like 'i can feel it!  i can stop it this time because i know it's happening!  i got this!' and then my focus slips away and i'm just left sitting there frustrated and angry with myself for failing