Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

nixhouseofcards:

eeddis:

rosequuuartz:

I want someone to do a production of a midsummers night’s dream but instead of it taking place in a forest it takes place in ikea

#*squints* you make a compelling argument actually#shakespeare#I want this#I want one where the audience moves with the actors#all around ikea#& the play is stretched out#super long#around & around ikea#until you have lost sense of#direction & time & even language#then back out to the exit#for the very end#puck makes the speech#‘think but this and all is mended’#& then finally you are free#free to step out into the light again#into the mortal realms#or you go for meatballs idk (x)

This is what Shakespeare was meant for.

(Source: genos-tals, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

Every single character at the end of Twelfth Night

kelseyridge13:

(via fireflyca)

copperbadge:

nanyoky:

I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

This has probably been said on this post before but it makes a reasonable amount of literary sense as well.

A lot of Shakespeare’s works, comedy in particular but also relatively serious plays like The Merchant Of Venice, were based in the tropes of Italian commedia, which is eventually where we get French sex farces from as well. 

Add in a servant who facilitates the nightly transfer and wants to get laid with one of the housemaids, some jokes between characters about people thinking Romeo and Benvolio are fucking all night long, Romeo in drag once or twice, and either a lecherous elderly neighbor or Juliet’s father always hanging around, and you’ve basically got the plot of a commedia performance. Especially funny at the time would have been dressing Romeo in drag (say, to pretend to be her lady in waiting when her dad almost catches him in some other man’s marital bed in the middle of the day) while Juliet was already being played by a boy actor in drag, and having Romeo pull it off so well that he gets mistaken for her. 

But yeah, R&J as a door-slammin’ sex comedy, I’d watch it. 

Commedia! *jazz hands*

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

mumblingsage:

jellyfishdirigible:

strixus:

iamthepureblindraven:

theumbrellaseller:

one thing I find hilarious is when Shakespeare quotes are used out of context

like, people are always saying “some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them” as if it’s all deep and meaningful when actually it comes from a prank letter in Twelfth Night

and “This above all: to thine own self be true” comes from Polonius in Hamlet wherein the joke is that he’s an old pompous dude giving a long and rambling speech full of contradictory pointless advice to his son

“Brevity is the soul of wit” is another joke, because again, it’s made by Polonius who will just not shut up

it’s “we are such stuff as dreams are made on” not “of “, as in, “such stuff as dreams are built on”

“wherefore art thou, Romeo” doesn’t mean “where are you, Romeo” it means “why the fuck are you called Romeo, shit, I wanted to bang you but I can’t because you’re a goddamn Montague”

all these lines have acquired a kind of dignity in text that they never had in performance or are constantly misinterpreted

It’s not necessarily bad but it is kind of funny, sometimes.

#GREATNESS THRUST UPON THEM WAS A SEX JOKE#THE GREATNESS#WAS HIS PENIS#HIS FUCKING PENIS#STOP USING IT SERIOUSLY IT WAS A DICK JOKE#IM B E G G I N G YOU (x)

THIS. 

“To gild the lily” 

NOPE

It’s:

“ Therefore, to be possess’d with double pomp,
To guard a title that was rich before,
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess. “

And the one the that ALWAYS pisses me off

Why, then the world’s mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.
I will retort the sum in equipage.

Oysters are not easy to open. You open them violently and with force. The world is not your oyster easily. It is your oyster with force and brutality.

“it was a dick joke” EVERYTHING he wrote was a dick joke

Re the last comment: UNTRUE. Sometimes he wrote cunt jokes.

(via johanirae)

bekstek:

mintike:

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:

cracks me up every time

(Source: theexfiles, via starwarsisgay)

classannalampost:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

i do bite my thumb, sir

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

is the law on our side if i say ay?

No

no, sir, i do not bite my thumb at you sir; but I bite my thumb, sir

Do you quarrel, sir?

quarrel, sir? no sir

if you do, sir, i am for you: i serve as good a man as you

No better

well, sir

DOST THOU WANT TO FUCKING GO, SIR?

DOST THOU THINK THOU CAN FUCKING TAKE ME, BRO?

DOST THOU EVEN HOIST? OUT TO THE COURT YARD, WITH HASTE.  

The Shakespeare fandom is out of control

(via amusewithaview)

pardonmewhileipanic:

flourish-and-books:

solumcinerem:

dreamingdoctor:

drugsupplier:

*sees a really hot boy in English class*

me: romeo and juliet act 3 scene 5 line 176

hot damn

make a playwright want to retire man

stop. wait a minute. fill my cup put some poison in it.

Take a sip, fake your death
Juliet! Exit left!

(Source: drugsupplier, via history-jokes)