Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anyway I’ve been attempting to Novel for almost five hours now and I’ve decided that clearly I am too aggravated to write an emotionally wringing trial and sentencing.  All I really want to do is talk about Shiko wearing flower crowns made by her girlfriend and Brenneth and Crispin sitting on a roof and looking at stars while they mutually get drunk on the most expensive wine Crispin can get his hands on and the fact that Brenneth and Krei are actually legally family according to Alleirai law.

So if you also wanna talk about that, hit me up so that I can pretend I’m being productive.

Summary of today’s writing: Crispin, dude, please stop actively inhibiting the attempts to save your fucking life.

Anonymous asked: Brenneth and Crispin 16 if you don't mind. Love your work. :)

Listen I just want you all to know that I expected to get zero (0) asks for this, MAYBE one from a close friend or my mother or something who was trying to humor me.  And now I have Many.  Like eight all told.  I have no idea if this is just one really curious anon or if this story got popular but welcome to my kingdom, you may call me my liege.

16: Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

I mean, each other, tbh.  And they have understandable reasons for this, which doesn’t help their respective buckets of Problems.

So, Crispin’s reasons for thinking Brenneth is better than him are pretty plain and simple.  Crispin knows that he was the villain of their story, and as much as he might hate himself for it, he knows that Brenneth did the right thing.  He knows that–regardless of whether he was necessarily compos mentis at the time–he killed a lot of people and attempted a takeover, and Brenneth was the hero who came in to stop him, no matter the cost.  Beyond that, Crispin genuinely believes that Brenneth is a hero, talented and clever and stubborn and strong, and even though he has a very accurate grasp of his own skills and abilities, he’s always thought that Brenneth was severely underappreciated by the people around her.  This translated into more than one extremely ill-advised attempt to get her to side with him during his stint as the White Wolf.

And like moreover Brenneth won.  Brenneth isn’t just the hero, in Crispin’s mind, she’s the victor.  Obviously she’s better than him.

Brenneth, on the other hand, has very similarly logical (if…debatable) reasons for her feeling that Crispin is better than her.  First of all, she was passed over for the prophecy when they first arrived in Alleirat as kids, and that has an impact–Crispin was fated to be the great hero, according to the people who took them in, and Brenneth still feels some of that imposter syndrome, like she stole his title or cheated him out of it, even though he very much surrendered that right when he started murdering folk.  Second of all, flat-out Crispin was better in combat for much of their time fighting each other.  Like, it was an objective reality, he had trained as a warrior and a diplomat exclusively while Brenneth was both a blacksmith and a warrior.  No level of natural talent (and Brenneth is very talented) can make up for that kind of time devoted to practice.  Don’t get me wrong, she did a good job–she poisoned him once or twice, fought to the best of her ability when they clashed, tried to blind him one time–but Crispin was just having more success, better luck.  There was even a time where he believed he had successfully managed to kill her (and in his defense, stabbing someone in the chest and burying them alive in an avalanche does seem pretty foolproof).  By the end of their four years, the two of them were well-matched, almost perfectly equal in skill, but that time of knowing that Crispin was more competent left its mark.  Brenneth believes–erroneously, perhaps, but no one can prove her right or wrong–that if she was as good as Crispin, she would have been able to save him from himself.

Anonymous asked: Krei 5

I have like four asks for this ask meme I expected no one to do?  So I’m grouping them by character, here is Krei, everyone’s favorite Tree Lesbian.

5: List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Um….

Surface level is that, ironically, Krei is afraid of fire.  She’s a plant worker and briatan, tree-folk, meaning that she has a bit of a hereditary stress about fire.  She herself isn’t flammable, no more so than your average human, but her instincts are kind of…jumpy about it.  So was her mother, but given that Torei died in a fire, Krei has some serious nerves about the stuff.  Both of them keep it pretty well on lock (sort of necessary working with a firesmith like Brenneth) and let other people light the campfire.

Repressed is a hard one to answer, because honestly Krei is pretty comfortable with herself.  Her people live a long time–Torei was almost 600 at the time of her death (some 50 years prior to the start of the novel), and would have lived longer if she hadn’t died defending a village against a grief-stricken firesmith–and are often very powerful, which comes with a societal expectation that they get their shit together.  That being said…I don’t know if this is going to make sense, but Krei is afraid that one day she’ll turn around and decide that her mother wasn’t enough family for her.  Torei died when Krei was about 100, which is young to lose a parent for a briata (also Torei had Krei older than most briatan have children), but moreover most families are medium-to-large in Alleirat.  Even if you assume a monogamous couple, as opposed to a poly constellation or an open relationship, you might have two parents, some children who might be biological or adopted (abandoning children is strictly verboten and a willing family is usually findable), and the amiasa or amdri (or both) of either or both parents, as well as grandparents and aunts and uncles and close family friends.  The word ‘family’ is pretty lax in Alleirat.  Krei’s family for most of her life was herself and her mother, with occasional but rare visits to Torei’s clan in the north forests.  Torei meant the world to Krei, and this fear that Torei might not have been enough family kind of haunts her.  There’s a word in Alleirai for ‘the amiasa of your parent’ and it means ‘more-than-uncle/aunt,’ and in theory Krei could use it as an affectionate term with Brenneth.  It takes her a long time to come around to the idea that it’s not a betrayal of her two-person family to extend that to another individual.

Krei’s deep dark fear, as cliche as this is going to sound, is failing to keep people safe.  Torei was a good mother, mostly kept her daughter from hearing the worst stories of the White Wolf, but Krei worshiped her mother, and the idea that even Torei and her mighty amiasa, the Fireheart herself, couldn’t save the Wolf’s victims instilled a conviction that failure is inevitable very early on.  Krei’s about 150 now and she’s mostly gotten over her angsty teenage phase where she harped on it more obsessively (like…her 60′s to 70′s were rough), but it still drives her.  She’s a very accomplished warrior, the captain of the latha, the elite guard of her city, but it chews her up every time someone dies on her watch.

28: Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?

Well, traitors, if I’m being completely honest, which goes great with Crispin.  Krei plays nice with Brenneth on the subject of Crispin because it’s clear that Brenneth is upset, and treats him humanely when he’s her prisoner because Krei has a moral backbone like solid oak, but she’s kind of fundamentally appalled by him.  Not so much because he’s a killer–Krei has killed people, Alleirat still uses hangings, death isn’t a stranger to her–or even because he tried to take over, but she thinks of him as having betrayed his own kind.  She is not wrong about this–Crispin readily admits that he turned on his teachers, his comrades, his countrymen, and his best friend when he became the White Wolf–but it’s more complicated than that.  The fact that that loyalty and betrayal aren’t always clearly delineated, and that someone can be forced from one to the other against their will, is kind of a major plot point.  Shiko is loyal…to a terrible person.  Crispin turned traitor against good people, but because he felt like it was the only way to fulfill a task that had been set before him since childhood.  Brenneth is loyal to Crispin past the point of reason.  The complexities of loyalty are sort of A Thing here, and Krei’s ride-or-die loyalty hangup (which she shares with her mother) is something of a wrench in the gears.

Anonymous asked: UM HI. So I'm the one that sent the ask about the magical gf things and I have a confession. I already knew it was from your magical book and was kinda subtly hoping you would talk about it?!?!?! I"M SO SORRY but like I said I'm so invested in this crap and would read the entire frikin thing. ALSO I LOVED THE EXCERPT. And now I'm leaving before I disgrace myself any further.

WAIT NO DON’T LEAVE

SO HERE’S IRONY FOR YOU: you came in and didn’t want to bug me so you asked in like a sideways way, BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO BUG YOU, so I didn’t talk about it.  (I’m a mess, I’m sorry, y’all gotta be explicit about this stuff because I have no self-confidence.)

BUT ON THAT NOTE let’s talk about perceptions of sex and romance in Alleirat?  Like?  I’m into it?

Earth is where the trouble comes from

So you know the code of chivalric love, where like the fair and pure maiden is adored from afar by the knight and on the one hand it’s kind of cool but on the other hand it’s predicated on the fair and pure maiden who can’t reciprocate or even really acknowledge what’s going on?  I like that first half but the second half bothers me like FUCK so I made a better version.

In Alleirat, sex and romance are considered linked, but not intrinsically so–having casual sexual partners is fine as long as your partner is aware and good with it, and sexual experimentation is considered normal (even expected) between the ages of like 16 and like mid-to-late twenties.  (People who are like ‘I am gay/straight and I am EXCLUSIVELY gay/straight and I have never experimented with another gender’ are considered weird and kind of to have missed out?  Like, they’re thought of as…having skipped an important life stage?  Societies Are Problematic, is my point here.)  Monogamy is common, but not mandatory, and conditional monogamy (which I’m about to get into) is pretty normal.

So, the courtly love arrangement, which is called amuniasa.  Like, say that you are a woman and you work closely with another woman, and you fall in love with her.  And you’re very much in love with her (commitment is Serious Business in Alleirat and cheating is considered an actual crime) and you tell her as much.  Now she has two options.  Either she can take you up on it and you can attempt a relationship, or she can acknowledge the honor you’re doing her with your feelings and declare herself amiasa, or ‘the beloved.’  Then you have the choice to remain committed to her as amdri (the lover).  Some basic rules of amuniasa include:

• Amuniasa is generally given the same level of importance as marriage, and there are a very short list of reasons that are considered valid to dissolve it.  

• Amdrin and amiasan are permitted, but not required, to engage in other romantic and sexual relationships.  It is common and accepted for someone to have both a spouse and an amdri/amiasa, although it’s not frowned upon if someone devotes themselves wholly to their amiasa.
• Brenneth’s right-hand during their previous stint in Alleirat (Krei The Tree Lesbian’s mother Torei) was Brenneth’s amdri, and never took another romantic partner during the remainder of her life.  Brenneth and Torei are held up as sort of the Platonic ideal of devotion and amuniasa.  (Krei’s coloring also suggests that her father looked like Brenneth, but she never met him.)

• The amiasa has a limited period of time to change their mind (often one year), and leading your amdri on with hints that you might one day return their feelings (or with sex) is considered incredibly cruel and dishonorable, and is a valid reason to dissolve the relationship.  (Your amdri is functionally off limits for sex for this reason.)

• Hassling your amiasa and trying to force them to return your feelings is not permitted and is a valid reason to dissolve the relationship.  It can also get you arrested, sent out of the city, or placed under what basically sums up as a restraining order.

• It is standard for the amdri to give gifts to their amiasa, or to perform great deeds in their name if they’re in a position to do so (also a thing that Torei is considered the ideal of).  Alternatively, an amdri might cook for their amiasa or perform another kind of service, like braiding hair, tending children, etc.  This is because Alleirat views service and gift giving as a mandatory core of every romantic relationship (…this extends to orgasms), not because the amdri is viewed as in any way subordinate or servile to their amiasa.  The amdri considers it a privilege to perform service and give gifts, and the amiasa recognizes the honor being accorded to them.

• It’s actually not common for amdri and amiasa to continue working closely unless it’s necessary, as it’s believed that this is unfair to the amdri.  They interact largely socially and on their own terms, to the extent that the amdri is comfortable with–this might be several visits in a week, or the amdri might travel quite a distance.  (Torei is considered an outlier, as she took a position as the captain of her amiasa’s guard and proceeded to live, work, and spend all her time with Brenneth for four years.  …there are songs about Torei’s devotion and selflessness and disregard for her own pain, is what I’m getting at here.)

• It IS common for your amdri or amiasa to know your children, if you have any, and is generally considered their de facto guardian in the event of a disaster.

• It is NOT UNHEARD OF for someone to executively decide not to even try to have a relationship and act as an amdri without telling their amiasa.  This is generally because they believe they have no chance with the other person and that their attention would make their amiasa uncomfortable, such as a man falling in love with a lesbian, or someone falling in love with someone aromantic.  This is considered fine, but it also means that you have no formal claim on the other person.
• This can also be because they have a terrible (justified) guilt complex and believe that the other person could never reciprocate as a result of four years of mutual attempted murder.  Not that I’m in any way vagueblogging about any of my characters here.

ANYWAY THIS HAS BEEN A PRIMER ON LOVE AND ROMANCE IN ALLEIRAT, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK OTHER QUESTIONS.

Right, so, there’s been some interest in this?  So here, this is like a 1.5K snippet that I wrote yesterday, a conversation between the main character (Brenneth) and Crispin, with a little bit of Krei (the Tall Tree Lesbian) at the end there.  I think this is…pretty much self-explanatory, but here is the ‘Earth is where the trouble comes from’ novel explanation.

Crispin was in the last cell to the left of the door, with the wall beside him, and on the side facing the entrance—no windows. His hands were bound with fresh apas cord, the wrists pressed together tightly enough that he could struggle if he attempted to break free.  He seemed in good health, uninjured from what I could see. His hair was even clean, the curls falling around his face like copper wire in the lantern light.

Crispin, I thought with a bitter rush of guilt, probably had not been given the luxury of fine soaps and a private bath.

He seemed to catch the thought on my face and pointed at me.  “Hey, none of that,” he said in his most commanding voice.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I said automatically, and scowled when he grinned at me.  “And don’t be an ass, I’m trying to help you.”

Crispin’s good humor faded, leaving a small, sad smile behind as he glanced me over, eyes lingering on the spike in my hair and the new belt around my hips.  “They got you a sword,” he noted quietly, and my hand dropped to the pommel at my side, smoothing over the unornamented hilt.  

The weight of the sword was a strange dual sensation—it was intrinsically familiar and reassuring to the part of my that had hated to walk unarmed for a decade and a half on Earth, but my muscles didn’t remember how to compensate for it, had never learned how to walk without bumping the scabbard with my leg.  I was feeling the ache from the time I had spent in the training grounds, trying to force my body to accustom itself to the weight of a blade again, and I would pay for it tomorrow.  My palms would blister and my legs would tremble.  For the first time in years, I felt like a stranger in my body again, hating the way that my hands hurt from the hilt and the way my shoulders complained bitterly at me. The sword was a small token comfort against it.

Keep reading

Anonymous asked: Is your magical gf's thing from your fantasy book? Sorry if this seems rude but I am like SO invested in your novels from what you've given us.

NEVER RUDE NEVER RUDE NEVER RUDE

ALWAYS TALK TO ME ABOUT MY NOVELS

And yes, my magical gf’s are from one of my fantasy novels, which I generally call Alleirat because I’m a lazy fuck who doesn’t title things until the last available second.  This novel is also called the “Earth is where the trouble comes from” book, which sums it up pretty well.  The Very Tall Tree Person is the right hand woman of the main character, and the Smol Death Machine…um, starts the novel as the bad guy buT IT’S A NOVEL ABOUT REDEMPTION AND IT’S NOT HER FAULT AND I LOVE HER V MUCH.

Anyway, for those of you who don’t know what’s going on: THIS is a basic rundown of the story, and THIS is some basic outlining of the way magic works, and this and this are about the couple in question.  The novel is currently like 35K and I’m doing it for Camp NaNoWriMo.

And like, IDK y’all I feel guilty forcing my weird original stuff on you, but if you’re interested I could post a section I wrote yesterday that I’m…pretty pleased with.

In another of your regular “this is the kind of person you follow” updates, I would like to remind you all that, in my latest novel (the “earth is where the trouble comes from” one), I have created an entire race of super OP plant mages who are descended from dryads solely so that I am able to point to my MC’s right hand woman and say “She’s asexual, and before you ask, yes, she is a tree.”

Because I think I’m funny.

littlestartopaz:

writing-prompt-s:

While walking home one stormy night, you are struck by lightning. Instead of dying, however, you hear an electronic voice in your head say, “Power level at 100%. All cybernetic systems online.”

@words-writ-in-starlight and in that moment, I’m remind of your revolutionary… Whose name i am hard core blanking on.

LESSA MY ELECTROKINETIC BABY

You’re not even wrong tbh

(via littlestartopaz)

a short letter to those who left

Let’s get one thing straight.

I am a star.  Not in the metaphorical sense of a shining bauble to coo over and capture in camera flash, but in the fierce and wild sense of the cosmos.  I burn white-hot, powered by an engine humanity cannot dream of touching, strong enough to alter the very matter of myself, to merge the unmergable atom.  My parents are a solar wind and a nebula, a thing cast out and a thing destroyed, and I am what they have spun me into being as, a thing untouched.

And you are not.  You are tiny.  You have looked up into the sky on your little world and seen the speck of light and named me and drawn me into constellations, but you see a memory of the dead and distant past.  You could not bear my present.  My touch would burn you, my light would blind you, and so you cling to the small light of my past, and I spin my planets and moons in a song you will never hear, and mourn the fact that you could not stand with me as I am.

So next time you wish you could reach up and touch me and make me into that small light, remember: I am a star.  You have not had a hand in my creation save to throw petty stones and place me in pretty pictures with cruel stories, and you will not have a hand in my future.

And to the small light, remember: this is only a distant memory.