Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

A story from the line at McDonald's

• Me: okay so my sexuality's a complicated deal so let's just call me queer as hell
• Friend: nono I wanna know can't you explain it
• Me: well ok mainly I am asexual which means I don't want to do the do nor do I long for it, so it has nothing to do with lack of confidence or anything like that, I simply don't find anyone sexually attractive
• Friend: right right
• Me: but I'm also bi romantic. The sexual and romantic attraction are different, and I still fall in love and want to have physical contact with my partner, I just don't need the hanky panky
• Friend: right cause you have a girlfriend that's pansexual right
• Me: exactly and as long as we're both happy with not doing the rumba naked, that's a valid relationship
• Friend: I get it, I get it... I didn't know the entire sexual and romantic orientations were different
• Me: yeah I know it was an eyeopener for me when I found ou-
• Lady behind us in line: excuse me so sorry but I couldn't help but overhear but I didn't know half of what you just said and I was just wondering what that thing your girlfriend was is, pansexual?
• Me: *awkward glance at friend* oh uh I'm not an expert or anything and uh ok so basically it's similar to being bisexual, but there's less value in what gender the one you're attracted to is, at least as I understood it. So a bisexual would be attracted to a person despite their gender, a pansexual wouldn't really care at all in a way uh I'm sorry I'm bad at explaining
• Lady behind us in line: that's alright I can look it up myself later you gave me a general idea! So where did you find out these things, you're pretty young?
• Me: well, Internet. Once you're a bit confused about what you might be you usually go looking for explanations...
• Lady behind us in line: so uh in theory... It's fine if you don't know, I just want to check with you... Is there a thing called aROMANTIC? like you're asexual, is there a equivalent to the romantic orientation you mentioned?
• Me: oh yeah, absolutely! You can be both asexual and aromantic, or aromantic and heterosexual, literally all combinations are possible!
• Lady behind us in line: *smiles LIKE REALLY GODDAMNED GENUINELY* thank you so much, I did not know that. *fishes up phone from pocket* now if you excuse me, I'm going to call my mother and tell her I'm not crazy for never having been married or stayed with one guy for long despite being 50+ but still has three children! *steps out of line and walks off while dialing*
• Friend: wow that was... Amazing
• Me: see how happy she got? That's the power of right information.
• And that's why I've been smiling since this happened.

• Hermione: You've got dirt on your nose. Oh let me get it for you.
• Ron: No, don't! It's for luck.
• Hermione: For luck?
• Ron: Yeah. I had dirt on my nose when we met, don't you remember? On th-
• Hermione: On the train! Of course. What do you need luck for?
• Ron: [gets on one knee]

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

• Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
• Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
• Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
• Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
• Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
• Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
• Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
• Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
• Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
• Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
• Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
• Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
• Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
• Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
• Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
• Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
• Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
• Dad: Fuck the government.
• Dad: Fuck the school board.
• Dad: Close the door.
• Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
• Dad: I love puns.
• Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
• Dad: Please shut up.
• Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
• Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
• Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
• Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
• Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
• Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
• Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
• Dad: They act like I care what they think.
• Dad: I hate homework.
• Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
• Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.