my headcanon for startrek is that humans look, to vulcans, like a dog frathouse. like signing on to a human ship is exactly that thrillingly loud and frustrating and fast and stupid and fun. the humans are going to dash off to a new sector to see if there are friends there and then they will jump up and down with delight and stuff their faces up against their new friends’ genital array. the humans are going to bark for ten minutes at a rock. the humans want to chase things they can’t possibly catch just because they like running around. the humans are madly passionate about their arbitrary group identities. the humans can be divided into new arbitrary group identities which they will then be passionate about. the humans want to stick their heads out of the window of their starship and go ‘wheee!’. if you step on a human’s paw they will act like you just killed them for about thirty seconds and then want more headpats. the humans can be immediately distracted from crucial duties by the appearance of a small animal. if you howl all the humans in earshot will howl louder just to show off. a human just humped your leg. ‘don’t make it weird bro’ the human says. later the human will dig a weird bug out of the ground and eat it.
i’m sure everyone is already doing this, but here is the star trek series that i had been building in my head for probably 10 years:
the captain is the 1st romulan in star fleet. she’s a really solid captain, and she’s kind of everything you wouldn’t expect from a romulan - she’s personable and close with her crew. most of the time she’s able to keep her romulan temper under control, but she deals with a lot of racism, so sometimes she flips her shit and it is terrifying.
the chief engineer is a changeling, and they’re agender and very happy to be a changeling, thank you. they’re really into experimenting with different forms, and (thanks to improved cgi) they utilize their gelatinous form to get all up in the workings of the ship
the first officer is the token human. he is indian, obsessed with rare alien artworks, and aromantic pansexual. he basically is interested in sleeping with any being with two legs (and some with fewer or more than two legs), but not interested in dating.
chief medical officer is klingon. (KLINGONS HAVE TO HAVE MEDICS, TOO, OKAY.) she is very aggressive in her treatments but is totally a giant softie underneath. she was actually super-talented in battle and won a bunch of prizes growing up, but she has always hated fighting (she tries to keep this under wraps, though, and has a tendency to threaten to chop people’s heads off with bat’leths).
those are all the characters i’ve come up with so far, lemme know if you’ve any ideas
the crew isn’t very well-respected in star fleet, in fact, they were given a not-so-great ship (that the lovely changeling chief engineer has upgraded leik wo), and are usually handed all the mucky jobs, especially ones that tiptoe the line of federation ethics (well, there’s a romulan captain. she’s probably okay with that, right? says star fleet brass, with their heads up their asses). despite inadequate support (and often inadequate supplies), this crew tends to scrape through incredibly difficult situations and generally kick ass in unorthodox ways.
Ferengi helmsman. “Not Quartermaster?” You ask. “No, but I bet you 500 bars of gold pressed latinum I can outfly that trash hauler you call a corvette.” And when he wins, he jettisons the money into a star out of spite.
omg i love it
Perfect headcanon is perfect
SO I SORTA CAN’T STOP THINKING WHAT A GOOD IDEA THIS IS.
(And considering the general Klingon attitude towards medicine is “get better on your own, die or commit hegh’bat”, Chief Medical Officer there probably has a lot more impetus to be the Absolute Best also.)
OMFG I AM DYING THAT IS BEAUTIFUL
A+++++++ CUTIES ALL AROUND
SOMEONE PLEASE CAUSE THIS SHOW TO EXIST. I WILL BE YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN.
“the millenium falcon would wipe out the enterprise in seconds” lmao the enterprise is just an innocent science class floating thru space…. all they wanna do is look at some rocks… kiss an alien…. find some space plants….. why would you fight that its not a battleship theyre just nerds…… leave them olone
A friend of mine saw this and brought up some interesting arguments
