Anonymous asked: Ok. Going off the Padme could have been Boba Fett joke. There could have been a great story. Like Padme's death was faked which is why Boba never takes their mask off and through necessity of trying to find her children she becomes a bounty hunter.
OH MY GOD FRIEND WHAT I WOULD DO FOR ALL THE WEIRD VADER/NOT-FETT UST AND TENSION ALL LEADING UP TO THE INEVITABLE MOMENT WHERE PADME SHOOTS HIM IN THE RESPIRATOR AND RUNS OFF WITH THE REBELS ALL “I AM YOUR MOTHER”
Anonymous asked: I know you don't want more AUs, but how would PADME unfuck the timeline? I imagine a lot more efficiently and lot more scarily than all the Jedis put together...
Fourteen year-old Padmé Naberrie sews a FUCKTON of Hutt-money into the lining of Sabé’s robe before they escape the blockade, buys Shmi and Anakin and lifts Watto up three tax brackets, FREES Shmi and Anakin, and then “accidentally” handcuffs Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan before the big final battle with Darth Maul. Oh, and DEFINITELY does not suggest any vote of no-confidence at ANY point.
“Skywalker is too old to be trained,” someone on the Council starts to re-insist after all the fuss is over, and Qui-Gon is just about to snap back at them when–
“DIBS,” Padmé yells, bursting into the Council room past helpless Jedi guards who could not have stopped her if she’d been handcuffed and blindfolded, not for any-damn-thing. “FUCKING DIBS HE’S MINE NOW MY CITIZEN WELCOME TO NABOO ANI HERE IS A LIST OF BUSINESSES THAT WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOUR MOTHER WORK FOR THEM AND A LIST OF SCHOOLS THAT WILL GIVE YOU A FULL RIDE ALSO LET’S HAVE TEA ONCE A MONTH AND I WILL FIND YOU THE GRAYEST GRAY-ASS JEDI TO TEACH YOU ANY DAMN THING YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE FORCE ON THE SIDE. THEY’RE STILL A KIND OF JEDI SO IT STILL COUNTS. HOW DOES THAT SOUND DOES THAT SOUND GOOD? GREAT.”
Meanwhile, the handmaidens are busy planning a Supreme assassination. They did not require an explanation; obviously the queen knows what she’s doing. Maybe she’ll be Supreme Chancellor next?
Anonymous asked: Angel learns to answer ot Padme on Empire day, on that day she must pretend. She knows it's a day of grief for Vader, she knows that on that day more than any he just wants Padme, so that's who she'll be for the day. On Empire day they both pretend. Vader want Angel doesn't find out what he did to Padme on Empire Day. He doesn't know that Palpatine already told her. And yet with this knowledge, she gets ready each Empire day, places a pillow under her dress and ask Ani to feel the baby kick.
skymurdock asked: Star Wars/Star Trek? pls imagine Han and Jim having the weirdest friendly rivalry ever bc Han maintains the Millennium Falcon is the Best Ship and Jim maintains the Enterprise should have that honor.
I
just got out of Beyond last night and I am DRUNK on the Star Trek thing right
now. LET’S GO. I did a little more with the crews than the ships but like. Yeah.
The thing about
exploring space is that it’s big, but
not infinite. So sooner or later the final frontier pushes
right up to the raggedy edge of a galaxy far far away. Specifically, a ramshackle ship at the outermost
edge of Republic space. (They’re on a
sort of ‘remember the good old days when the three of us plus Chewie and a
couple droids were on the fucking run’ sort of trip. Han doesn’t know why he’s doing this but
sure, Leia, for old time’s sake, something like that, and Luke just looked at
him and blinked and somehow the farmboy eyes still work on him after all this
time.) The Enterprise sees it on its radar and…well, to be completely honest,
Spock takes one look at the readings and announces that there appears to be a
ship in distress. They go investigate—the
Enterprise makes the Falcon look like a slightly haphazard
guppy beside a sleek and shining whale, a sheer wall of matte white kissed with
space dust. (Inside the Falcon, everyone has a completely
independent moment of holyfuckingkriff we’re
going to war again before the polite text hail comes through and the ship
translates the message.)
Okay so…it turns out
that Republic Standard and Federation Basic have basically nothing to do with
each other, and the universal translators aren’t in the mood to translate an
entirely foreign language. The crew of
the Falcon and the Enterprise away team spend a good long while
cycling through every language they know (and with Uhura with them, that number
is prodigious) before they figure out
that there seems to be at least a degree of commonality between Bocce and Ferengi,
and between an archaic Vulcan dialect that even Spock barely knows and an
equally dated Naboo dialect that Leia knows a few scraps of and C-3PO knows a
few more scraps of (Padmé believed in knowing her planet’s history). They cobble together a pidgin that at least
lets them introduce themselves while half the engineering team scrambles to
clap together a translator. (It takes
two hours and Scotty is bursting with
pride over the thing, which turns Basic into Standard and back again with no trouble
at all.)
First contact with a
foreign Republic: pretty much par for the course for the Enterprise, and hey, they have a Senator of said Republic right there, so for Kirk and his crew
this is going great. They have a war
hero, a general in the military, and a political figure on hand, in addition to
a droid loaded with a massive amount of history and a soldier. The Falcon’s
crew is pretty much exactly the diplomatic cadre most planets send out to meet
the Federation, so it doesn’t even occur to them that they’ve pretty much caught
the Falcon with their pants down. The Falcon
isn’t a diplomatic vessel on the best of days, and even if it was, the Republic
hasn’t made a business of making first contact with anyone in quite a long time.
So when a clutch of various aliens—including humans, who aren’t so alien after all, and ain’t that a kick in the
head, as Han says—in brightly colored uniforms introduces themselves as members
of Star Fleet, representatives of something called the United Federation of
Planets…that’s new. Leia pushes Han out
of the way with an elbow, and shuts Luke up with a glance, and does her best to
look Senatorly and In Control.
By the end of a few
hours’ meeting, there’s a tentative alliance drawn up and a friendship in place
between Leia and Jim, who, Bones and Han agree, have bonded over being reckless
idealists too stubbornly brave for their own health. Spock interrogates Luke at length about the
Force—fascinating, he pronounces at
once—and is disappointed to find out that the Jedi have largely been wiped out
will all their information. (Luke, on
the other hand, is a little dazed from the rapid-fire queries and thinks that,
if all Vulcans are so emotionless, it’s probably for the best that the Jedi
never met them, because can you imagine
if that was the Jedi standard for emotional control. Also, Luke is smarter than your average
bantha, thanks, and knows a telepath when he sees one, so he makes a mental
note to look into testing the Vulcans for Force-sensitivity, if he can figure
out how the hell to do it.) Uhura corners
3PO and commands him to start teaching her Republic Standard. She makes terrifying
progress, and also learns enough Shyriiwook to understand Chewbacca’s careful
and kind farewell (C-3PO is in love, he’s
never met someone so brilliant in his entire existence, he almost follows her
home like a lost puppy).
Regarding the ships: Jim
is very polite about the Falcon
because there’s just no point in being rude about other people’s ships when yours
is so evidently the best in the
universe—honestly, if Han tried to insult his ship, Jim’s response would be a
blank expression and “Are you blind? We
can have Bones look at that.” Han
grumbles a bit, but he’s not an idiot, and the Falcon is a damn good ship, he mutters, even if she’s not
flashy. (It should be noted that, here, ‘not
flashy’ means ‘occasionally unwilling to hit hyperspeed without some serious
antics,’ which is kind of the equivalent of saying, about a car, that ‘not
flashy’ means ‘hope you don’t want a second gear that works all the time.’) So the two captains get along pretty well,
because if there’s anyone that Han Don’t-Tell-Me-The-Odds Solo is going to
click with, it’s Jim Rules-What-Rules Kirk.
Scotty, on the other hand, is
apoplectic the first time he hears Han compare the Falcon to the Enterprise. That bucket of bolts! Falling apart at the seams! Compared to his lady! The Falcon
is unworthy to pass through her ion wake!
Chekov sees the Chief of Engineering puff up and Jim shoots him a look,
and Chekov claps a hand over Scotty’s mouth, towing him out of the room with
Sulu. Han’s back is turned and the nod
Luke gives, to say nothing of the hidden smirk, suggests that he won’t be
telling, so Jim has avoided, once more, starting a diplomatic incident because
of Scotty’s determination to defend the Enterprise’s
honor. This is a fairly regular occurrence,
and a large part of the reason that Scotty is on probation from diplomatic
missions.
Bonus sixth headcanon: Jim is the most fucking Force-sensitive. They find this out because Luke, still
half-trained and a bit prone to error, brushes a brief mental probe across his
mind and gets thrown out with all the violence of hitting warp three from a
dead halt. Luke asks where his mental
shields came from and Jim gives him a blank look and Luke has a moment of horrible
revelation: he’s not only going to have to scrounge up some teaching ability,
he’s going to have to comb an entire
Federation for Force-sensitives.
When the nav officer—Chekov—sees the look of appalled shock on his face
and politely offers brandy, with the additional remark that the Captain can have that effect, Luke takes him up on it.
Luke does not know how he’s going to get around to DOING that - searching through a whole Federation and then teaching the people he finds to use the Force. Luke kind of wants to cry a little. (the Vulcans are - a whole ‘nother bag of Loth-cats that Luke is going to poke when he is SOBER, okay, but right now the brandy is calling his name.)
(years later, Jim has his very own lightsaber, not that he uses it very much outside of “glorified laser cutter”. he runs into Luke at a Federation-Republic thing and one thing led to another and they’re going to check out an ancient Jedi temple now - with a full expedition team by the Federation’s insistence bc they’re all about exploring new things and this is a New Thing and Luke does not actually mind - he is SO EXCITED, the nerd.)
Bones takes one look at the Millennium Falcon - held together by spit, duct tape, prayers and the Force - and immediately starts screaming internally. he can list about fifteen things off the top of his head that could happen to the inhabitants of this ship should this thing finally give out, and also ten viral diseases that this could possibly be carrying from its history of smuggling, how have any of you SURVIVED in this hunk of junk.
(“HEY,” yells Han, Offended.
“true,” says Leia, affectionately patting the walls.)
Artoo is having the time of his life onboard the Enterprise, by the way. Sulu walks in on him beeping away on the bridge, plugged into the console. is he having a conversation with the Enterprise? (he most definitely is.)
Luke eventually figures out a method to hash through Star Fleet for Jedi, and ends up with a surprising number. To his joy, they’re not all human (to his equal dismay, easily half are Vulcan). He ends up with a whole academy and is the Republic’s first diplomat who stays there out of necessity. But only for half a year. He reasons he needs to search for Jedi in his own galaxy as well.
Years later, Luke’s Federation personal apprentice becomes a full Jedi and takes over teaching at the Federation, so Luke can focus on the sudden influx of Republic Jedi students. Among them is one Ben Solo. And when Ben goes on a rampage, the Federation Jedi hear, because they just lost students from a cultural exchange. And the Federation is Pissed. Luke’s former Federation apprentice grabs Luke as soon as they can get there, and drags his depressed ass across the galaxy looking for Ben. They find him and arrest him and his storm troopers (and find Vader’s half melted helmet on a veritable alter, to which Luke is seriously disturbed) with permission from both the Federation and the Republic.
(He happened to be away from the main First Order ship he’s been apart of, much to the Republic’s dismay.)
Among the troopers with him is one who is so tired, an outcast despite being top of the class, and he defects willingly. His first partner in the Republic is one certain pilot who refuses to use his designation, instead dubs him “Finn.”
Luke’s not-apprentice refuses to leave Luke alone, makes arrangements, and moves in with him. Together they start a new comb of the galaxy for Jedi students, coming across one desert child sleeping in a fighter. And a certain missing ship. (“You want the trash?!” The apprentice laughs. The Flacon of notorious among Star Fleet because how is that little piece of junk so agile and a main ship used in the Republic’s rebellion. How.)
skymurdock asked: Star Wars/Star Trek? pls imagine Han and Jim having the weirdest friendly rivalry ever bc Han maintains the Millennium Falcon is the Best Ship and Jim maintains the Enterprise should have that honor.
I
just got out of Beyond last night and I am DRUNK on the Star Trek thing right
now. LET’S GO. I did a little more with the crews than the ships but like. Yeah.
The thing about
exploring space is that it’s big, but
not infinite. So sooner or later the final frontier pushes
right up to the raggedy edge of a galaxy far far away. Specifically, a ramshackle ship at the outermost
edge of Republic space. (They’re on a
sort of ‘remember the good old days when the three of us plus Chewie and a
couple droids were on the fucking run’ sort of trip. Han doesn’t know why he’s doing this but
sure, Leia, for old time’s sake, something like that, and Luke just looked at
him and blinked and somehow the farmboy eyes still work on him after all this
time.) The Enterprise sees it on its radar and…well, to be completely honest,
Spock takes one look at the readings and announces that there appears to be a
ship in distress. They go investigate—the
Enterprise makes the Falcon look like a slightly haphazard
guppy beside a sleek and shining whale, a sheer wall of matte white kissed with
space dust. (Inside the Falcon, everyone has a completely
independent moment of holyfuckingkriff we’re
going to war again before the polite text hail comes through and the ship
translates the message.)
Okay so…it turns out
that Republic Standard and Federation Basic have basically nothing to do with
each other, and the universal translators aren’t in the mood to translate an
entirely foreign language. The crew of
the Falcon and the Enterprise away team spend a good long while
cycling through every language they know (and with Uhura with them, that number
is prodigious) before they figure out
that there seems to be at least a degree of commonality between Bocce and Ferengi,
and between an archaic Vulcan dialect that even Spock barely knows and an
equally dated Naboo dialect that Leia knows a few scraps of and C-3PO knows a
few more scraps of (Padmé believed in knowing her planet’s history). They cobble together a pidgin that at least
lets them introduce themselves while half the engineering team scrambles to
clap together a translator. (It takes
two hours and Scotty is bursting with
pride over the thing, which turns Basic into Standard and back again with no trouble
at all.)
First contact with a
foreign Republic: pretty much par for the course for the Enterprise, and hey, they have a Senator of said Republic right there, so for Kirk and his crew
this is going great. They have a war
hero, a general in the military, and a political figure on hand, in addition to
a droid loaded with a massive amount of history and a soldier. The Falcon’s
crew is pretty much exactly the diplomatic cadre most planets send out to meet
the Federation, so it doesn’t even occur to them that they’ve pretty much caught
the Falcon with their pants down. The Falcon
isn’t a diplomatic vessel on the best of days, and even if it was, the Republic
hasn’t made a business of making first contact with anyone in quite a long time.
So when a clutch of various aliens—including humans, who aren’t so alien after all, and ain’t that a kick in the
head, as Han says—in brightly colored uniforms introduces themselves as members
of Star Fleet, representatives of something called the United Federation of
Planets…that’s new. Leia pushes Han out
of the way with an elbow, and shuts Luke up with a glance, and does her best to
look Senatorly and In Control.
By the end of a few
hours’ meeting, there’s a tentative alliance drawn up and a friendship in place
between Leia and Jim, who, Bones and Han agree, have bonded over being reckless
idealists too stubbornly brave for their own health. Spock interrogates Luke at length about the
Force—fascinating, he pronounces at
once—and is disappointed to find out that the Jedi have largely been wiped out
will all their information. (Luke, on
the other hand, is a little dazed from the rapid-fire queries and thinks that,
if all Vulcans are so emotionless, it’s probably for the best that the Jedi
never met them, because can you imagine
if that was the Jedi standard for emotional control. Also, Luke is smarter than your average
bantha, thanks, and knows a telepath when he sees one, so he makes a mental
note to look into testing the Vulcans for Force-sensitivity, if he can figure
out how the hell to do it.) Uhura corners
3PO and commands him to start teaching her Republic Standard. She makes terrifying
progress, and also learns enough Shyriiwook to understand Chewbacca’s careful
and kind farewell (C-3PO is in love, he’s
never met someone so brilliant in his entire existence, he almost follows her
home like a lost puppy).
Regarding the ships: Jim
is very polite about the Falcon
because there’s just no point in being rude about other people’s ships when yours
is so evidently the best in the
universe—honestly, if Han tried to insult his ship, Jim’s response would be a
blank expression and “Are you blind? We
can have Bones look at that.” Han
grumbles a bit, but he’s not an idiot, and the Falcon is a damn good ship, he mutters, even if she’s not
flashy. (It should be noted that, here, ‘not
flashy’ means ‘occasionally unwilling to hit hyperspeed without some serious
antics,’ which is kind of the equivalent of saying, about a car, that ‘not
flashy’ means ‘hope you don’t want a second gear that works all the time.’) So the two captains get along pretty well,
because if there’s anyone that Han Don’t-Tell-Me-The-Odds Solo is going to
click with, it’s Jim Rules-What-Rules Kirk.
Scotty, on the other hand, is
apoplectic the first time he hears Han compare the Falcon to the Enterprise. That bucket of bolts! Falling apart at the seams! Compared to his lady! The Falcon
is unworthy to pass through her ion wake!
Chekov sees the Chief of Engineering puff up and Jim shoots him a look,
and Chekov claps a hand over Scotty’s mouth, towing him out of the room with
Sulu. Han’s back is turned and the nod
Luke gives, to say nothing of the hidden smirk, suggests that he won’t be
telling, so Jim has avoided, once more, starting a diplomatic incident because
of Scotty’s determination to defend the Enterprise’s
honor. This is a fairly regular occurrence,
and a large part of the reason that Scotty is on probation from diplomatic
missions.
Bonus sixth headcanon: Jim is the most fucking Force-sensitive. They find this out because Luke, still
half-trained and a bit prone to error, brushes a brief mental probe across his
mind and gets thrown out with all the violence of hitting warp three from a
dead halt. Luke asks where his mental
shields came from and Jim gives him a blank look and Luke has a moment of horrible
revelation: he’s not only going to have to scrounge up some teaching ability,
he’s going to have to comb an entire
Federation for Force-sensitives.
When the nav officer—Chekov—sees the look of appalled shock on his face
and politely offers brandy, with the additional remark that the Captain can have that effect, Luke takes him up on it.
Luke does not know how he’s going to get around to DOING that - searching through a whole Federation and then teaching the people he finds to use the Force. Luke kind of wants to cry a little. (the Vulcans are - a whole ‘nother bag of Loth-cats that Luke is going to poke when he is SOBER, okay, but right now the brandy is calling his name.)
(years later, Jim has his very own lightsaber, not that he uses it very much outside of “glorified laser cutter”. he runs into Luke at a Federation-Republic thing and one thing led to another and they’re going to check out an ancient Jedi temple now - with a full expedition team by the Federation’s insistence bc they’re all about exploring new things and this is a New Thing and Luke does not actually mind - he is SO EXCITED, the nerd.)
Bones takes one look at the Millennium Falcon - held together by spit, duct tape, prayers and the Force - and immediately starts screaming internally. he can list about fifteen things off the top of his head that could happen to the inhabitants of this ship should this thing finally give out, and also ten viral diseases that this could possibly be carrying from its history of smuggling, how have any of you SURVIVED in this hunk of junk.
(“HEY,” yells Han, Offended.
“true,” says Leia, affectionately patting the walls.)
Artoo is having the time of his life onboard the Enterprise, by the way. Sulu walks in on him beeping away on the bridge, plugged into the console. is he having a conversation with the Enterprise? (he most definitely is.)
skymurdock asked: Star Wars/Star Trek? pls imagine Han and Jim having the weirdest friendly rivalry ever bc Han maintains the Millennium Falcon is the Best Ship and Jim maintains the Enterprise should have that honor.
I
just got out of Beyond last night and I am DRUNK on the Star Trek thing right
now. LET’S GO. I did a little more with the crews than the ships but like. Yeah.
The thing about
exploring space is that it’s big, but
not infinite. So sooner or later the final frontier pushes
right up to the raggedy edge of a galaxy far far away. Specifically, a ramshackle ship at the outermost
edge of Republic space. (They’re on a
sort of ‘remember the good old days when the three of us plus Chewie and a
couple droids were on the fucking run’ sort of trip. Han doesn’t know why he’s doing this but
sure, Leia, for old time’s sake, something like that, and Luke just looked at
him and blinked and somehow the farmboy eyes still work on him after all this
time.) The Enterprise sees it on its radar and…well, to be completely honest,
Spock takes one look at the readings and announces that there appears to be a
ship in distress. They go investigate—the
Enterprise makes the Falcon look like a slightly haphazard
guppy beside a sleek and shining whale, a sheer wall of matte white kissed with
space dust. (Inside the Falcon, everyone has a completely
independent moment of holyfuckingkriff we’re
going to war again before the polite text hail comes through and the ship
translates the message.)
Okay so…it turns out
that Republic Standard and Federation Basic have basically nothing to do with
each other, and the universal translators aren’t in the mood to translate an
entirely foreign language. The crew of
the Falcon and the Enterprise away team spend a good long while
cycling through every language they know (and with Uhura with them, that number
is prodigious) before they figure out
that there seems to be at least a degree of commonality between Bocce and Ferengi,
and between an archaic Vulcan dialect that even Spock barely knows and an
equally dated Naboo dialect that Leia knows a few scraps of and C-3PO knows a
few more scraps of (Padmé believed in knowing her planet’s history). They cobble together a pidgin that at least
lets them introduce themselves while half the engineering team scrambles to
clap together a translator. (It takes
two hours and Scotty is bursting with
pride over the thing, which turns Basic into Standard and back again with no trouble
at all.)
First contact with a
foreign Republic: pretty much par for the course for the Enterprise, and hey, they have a Senator of said Republic right there, so for Kirk and his crew
this is going great. They have a war
hero, a general in the military, and a political figure on hand, in addition to
a droid loaded with a massive amount of history and a soldier. The Falcon’s
crew is pretty much exactly the diplomatic cadre most planets send out to meet
the Federation, so it doesn’t even occur to them that they’ve pretty much caught
the Falcon with their pants down. The Falcon
isn’t a diplomatic vessel on the best of days, and even if it was, the Republic
hasn’t made a business of making first contact with anyone in quite a long time.
So when a clutch of various aliens—including humans, who aren’t so alien after all, and ain’t that a kick in the
head, as Han says—in brightly colored uniforms introduces themselves as members
of Star Fleet, representatives of something called the United Federation of
Planets…that’s new. Leia pushes Han out
of the way with an elbow, and shuts Luke up with a glance, and does her best to
look Senatorly and In Control.
By the end of a few
hours’ meeting, there’s a tentative alliance drawn up and a friendship in place
between Leia and Jim, who, Bones and Han agree, have bonded over being reckless
idealists too stubbornly brave for their own health. Spock interrogates Luke at length about the
Force—fascinating, he pronounces at
once—and is disappointed to find out that the Jedi have largely been wiped out
will all their information. (Luke, on
the other hand, is a little dazed from the rapid-fire queries and thinks that,
if all Vulcans are so emotionless, it’s probably for the best that the Jedi
never met them, because can you imagine
if that was the Jedi standard for emotional control. Also, Luke is smarter than your average
bantha, thanks, and knows a telepath when he sees one, so he makes a mental
note to look into testing the Vulcans for Force-sensitivity, if he can figure
out how the hell to do it.) Uhura corners
3PO and commands him to start teaching her Republic Standard. She makes terrifying
progress, and also learns enough Shyriiwook to understand Chewbacca’s careful
and kind farewell (C-3PO is in love, he’s
never met someone so brilliant in his entire existence, he almost follows her
home like a lost puppy).
Regarding the ships: Jim
is very polite about the Falcon
because there’s just no point in being rude about other people’s ships when yours
is so evidently the best in the
universe—honestly, if Han tried to insult his ship, Jim’s response would be a
blank expression and “Are you blind? We
can have Bones look at that.” Han
grumbles a bit, but he’s not an idiot, and the Falcon is a damn good ship, he mutters, even if she’s not
flashy. (It should be noted that, here, ‘not
flashy’ means ‘occasionally unwilling to hit hyperspeed without some serious
antics,’ which is kind of the equivalent of saying, about a car, that ‘not
flashy’ means ‘hope you don’t want a second gear that works all the time.’) So the two captains get along pretty well,
because if there’s anyone that Han Don’t-Tell-Me-The-Odds Solo is going to
click with, it’s Jim Rules-What-Rules Kirk.
Scotty, on the other hand, is
apoplectic the first time he hears Han compare the Falcon to the Enterprise. That bucket of bolts! Falling apart at the seams! Compared to his lady! The Falcon
is unworthy to pass through her ion wake!
Chekov sees the Chief of Engineering puff up and Jim shoots him a look,
and Chekov claps a hand over Scotty’s mouth, towing him out of the room with
Sulu. Han’s back is turned and the nod
Luke gives, to say nothing of the hidden smirk, suggests that he won’t be
telling, so Jim has avoided, once more, starting a diplomatic incident because
of Scotty’s determination to defend the Enterprise’s
honor. This is a fairly regular occurrence,
and a large part of the reason that Scotty is on probation from diplomatic
missions.
Bonus sixth headcanon: Jim is the most fucking Force-sensitive. They find this out because Luke, still
half-trained and a bit prone to error, brushes a brief mental probe across his
mind and gets thrown out with all the violence of hitting warp three from a
dead halt. Luke asks where his mental
shields came from and Jim gives him a blank look and Luke has a moment of horrible
revelation: he’s not only going to have to scrounge up some teaching ability,
he’s going to have to comb an entire
Federation for Force-sensitives.
When the nav officer—Chekov—sees the look of appalled shock on his face
and politely offers brandy, with the additional remark that the Captain can have that effect, Luke takes him up on it.
stylishbutdefinitelyillegal asked: So because I am evil and curious, what would Vader and Amidala do if they found out Obi-Wan was still alive (and doing his best to just sink into the background of the universe). Would they leave him be or hunt him down?
… relevant to that “she would sooner get a second HUSBAND” ask from earlier, probably. :X Vader’s instantly like “he is a traitor and a liar and I must re-murder him” and Padmé is instantly backed into a corner with no warning all like “WELL WHAT IF WE DIDN’T, THO??” and desperately grasping for LITERALLY ANY EXCUSE–
“You love him that much?” Vader asks, looking hurt. Or furious. Or both. Probably both, oh Force, this isn’t going to end well for Obi-Wan at ALL.
“He loved YOU that much,” Padmé says in a flash of terrible, reckless inspiration. SHE WILL TAKE ANY EXCUSE, AT THIS POINT. “Don’t you want to know how much more he’ll love you now, without the Council in the way?”
Anonymous asked: I wish you would write a fic where you just fuck me up with the life-ruining kind of Anidala, I really just wish that.
Oh but friend, where would we start?
Canon? BECAUSE CANON IS PRETTY BAD.
But no, we can do better.
The AU where Vader is the one to walk away from Mustafar and he goes to Padme and takes her in his arms and his Darkness and kisses her and says “anything, anything for you, my angel” and she is faced with a choice: use this weapon who’s come to her hand and trying to save the galaxy from him by conquering it, or take her children, soft fragile corruptible things that they are, and run as far as she can, hoping that the galaxy will be able to save itself while she saves them?
The AU where Anakin, small and alone and barely not-a-slave for more than a breath, has a vision on the ship traveling back from Tatooine, and wakes up screaming his throat raw for…something, and Padme comes and tries to take him in her arms and comfort him–a child-queen responding to the fear of a child-Jedi–and he flinches away like she’s lit him on fire?
The AU where they return to Coruscant and Anakin is turned away, and they go to Naboo and Qui-Gon dies and Anakin is turned away, and away, and away, until he’s lost and powerful and scared and angry, and Padme comes and takes his hand and stares at the Jedi and says “he is Naboo and I will buy out his contract and he will be free” and, surrounded by her handmaidens that night, realizes that she’s responsible for training him how to not drown in the Force and how to be kind and how to be gentle and how to be a free person?
The AU where they’re at war with the Separatists and some rageful clone from the 501st abandons his brothers and turns on his General and does what they had all agreed not to do, and goes to the Jedi Council and says “Skywalker has broken the Code,” and Anakin is cast out, disowned by the Jedi, disgraced in the army, distrusted by Obi-Wan, and Padme may be everything, but even Padme is not enough to replace all those people?
The AU where Padme is what breaks Vader in a whole other way, held like a threat over his head, like a promise just before his fingers, like spun crystal ready to be broken between Sidious’ fingers at any moment?
The AU where nothing changes except that Vader, burned and trapped in a torture-suit and broken to the will of his latest Master, feels a burst of power in the Force and he knows that power, he knows that mind, it’s Padme, Padme is alive and she will understand/forgive/hate/save/kill him, because Padme is stronger than he ever could have been, and Vader tears across the galaxy only to find…children, two children, a baby girl with Padme’s dark curls and his angry stare, a baby boy with his sandstorm-dust locks and her sweet smile, and they are his/hers/theirs/no one’s, but where is Padme?
Or. Well. There’s always the AU We Do Not Speak Of.
Surely emotion is not wicked at its core, young Padme says, surely not, and she reaches out, learns to shape the Force with her passions and her loves and her rages and her laughs, and it is warm and rich and wild and vicious and everything she is (and surely this cannot be the Dark Side), and when she stands on the Tatooine sand and meets a boy who shines like a sun, some part of her mind (the part that’s seen people die because their vaunted politicians took too long to see them suffering, the part that’s seen wars start over petty arguments and diplomatic differences, the part that looks around Tatooine and thinks look at all these suffering people, if only I had the power to save them) says yesssss. And she reaches out and she takes his hand and she stays in touch and she assures him that no, emotion is not wrong, love is not wrong, Attachment is not wrong, he is not wrong, and one day…oh, one day he comes to her, wild-eyed, with the words of another person on his tongue and talk about Sith, and she does her research and she thinks look at all these suffering people, if only I had the power, and…
Well. Padme only wants to help. Surely the ends justify the means. Surely this cannot be Dark, if it’s to save starving children and wounded soldiers and slaves.
And the Empire rises under the command of its Empress and her iron fist, Darth Vader.
Didn’t think I’d find myself agreeing with Count Dooku but here I am.
Okay but he’s honestly 100% right.
Wasn’t this addressed though? In the Phantom Menace, Padmé specifically says, “The Republic outlaws slavery-” but Anakins’ mom outright states, “The Republic doesn’t exist out here.” Tatooine’s governing body was the hutt empire, a separate entity from the Republic.
As for Yoda, his edict of the Jedi order being servants rather than rulers meant that while he could challenge policies set by the senate, it was up to his dispatched Jedi Knights to combat the injustice wherever it could be found, but the Jedi did not have police priveledges so they found it very hard to investigate for proof of corruption, only when they witnessed it firsthand would they be able to intervene, specifically so they would avoid a situation like the ending of Revenge of the Sith.
The Hutts were never established in on-screen canon as being separate from the republic, while Tatoonie is implied to be relatively close too Naboo, a confirmed member world. In expanded universe continuity, Tatooine has always been part of the Galactic Republic, regardless of which continuity. Hutt Space was also part of the Galactic Republic in legends, later breaking away following the collapse of the Empire.
Shmi’s comment about the republic not existing on Tatooine is meant to reflect that because it’s not a centre of power or trade, those in the republic takes no notice of it, do nothing for it, and they’re so far away the population never see anything the republic does affecting anything. In essence, they’re on their own, bowing to the criminal cartels just to scrape by.
If you go back and rewatch the prequels without viewing him through the lens of “oh it’s that lovable old frog that teaches Luke and talks silly” prequel Yoda is actually a giant asshole.
“In the novelization, it is made clear that Yoda, being the oldest
and most respected member of the Jedi Order, has essentially made it
(and its rules) in his own image over the past eight centuries. There
is no debate on these rules, there is no dissent permitted, and it is
quite clear that membership in the Jedi Council is contingent upon
being a meekly agreeable Yoda Yes-Man, which is why Qui-Gon Jinn
never made it into the club.
“If Star Wars Episode 3 is a Greek tragedy, then Anakin Skywalker
is not its only tragic figure. Yoda, for all his supposed wisdom,
preaches the virtue of selflessness not because he believes he should
help others, but because that’s the Code. The Code now exists for its
own sake, and over the centuries, he’s forgotten why. In Episode 1,
Qui-Gon Jinn would obviously like to help Anakin and his mother
escape slavery on Tatooine, but it’s beyond his mandate, and he’s
breaking the rules to save even one of them. Why is it beyond his
mandate? Because the Jedi Order has no particular mandate to help
people. Its only mandate is to keep the peace and uphold the
Code. That’s Yoda’s Code, and when Anakin asks him what to do about
an impending tragedy, he gives the most useless advice in history:
“train yourself to let go”. Thanks a lot, Yoda. I ask you
how to stop a tragedy and you tell me to just smile and let it
happen.
“Of what use is a moral code if it does not tell you to help
others? That is a question which Yoda apparently never thought to
ask. Even in Episode 5, when Luke wants to go save his friends, Yoda
counsels him to let them die. It is advice that Luke ignores, to his
credit. Yoda is not an evil person, but he is not a caring person
either. For him, morality is not about caring for others, but about
simply following the rules.The biggest problem with “blind obedience to rules” as a
moral code is that the instant someone loses faith in those rules,
the whole house of cards comes crashing down and they literally don’t
know right from wrong. In real-life this phenomenon is often referred
to as “preacher’s daughter syndrome”, where a girl has been
raised with a lifetime of strict preaching without understanding, so
when she gets old enough to question authority she promptly gets
herself into serious trouble. Yoda obviously never saw Anakin’s fall
coming, because after eight centuries of indoctrinating Jedi from
infancy, he simply couldn’t imagine a Jedi not having the same blind
faith in the rules that he did. Love, jealousy, hate, anger are all
emotions, all passions, all paths to the Dark Side, but caring and
sympathy are emotions too, and Yoda threw out the baby with the
bathwater.” - Michael ‘Darth’ Wong, creator of Stardestroyer.net
Seemed relevant.
Yoda may have basically written the codes because, with his long life, he could wait until his opponents just died and bring up his points again with less disagreement (because he taught the other Jedi, of course).
