- Leia: I'm not a rebel! I'm a politician.
- Darth Vader: Okay, then, name one law.
- Leia: Don't kill people.
- Darth Vader: That's on me. I set the bar too low.
I’m just imaging an AU where Padme’s pregnancy didn’t have to be a secret and Anakin is trying to pick out names for the baby so he asks his men for ideas, and the clones, of course, throw out names like
“Zapper!”
“Sling!”
“Bomber!”
“Kickback!”
Anakin is internally screaming, but he doesn’t want to insult them by saying those are terrible names so he’s just like, “…thanks, guys.”
even better is if after the kids are born, there are still clones around for security and such and when they’re old enough to talk they know they were given names by their parents, but clones see those names as like. your technical/official ID. not as your actual personal name. so they talk to these little kids who of course love preposterous names and that’s how leia is also named POWERFIST
I’ve reblogged this before but imagine Luke being dubbed “Cinnamon Roll” by the clones
Powerfist and Cinnamon Roll Skywalker. Deal.
OH MY GOD so i was just gonna tagspiral about this but I have Too Many Thoughts so i’m gonna actually write real text for once
So: here we have Powerfist Leia Skywalker and Cinnamon Roll Luke Skywalker. They probably spend a lot of time with the clones, right? Because if Padme and Anakin aren’t in a Secret Relationship then Anakin probably doesn’t fall, so the war doesn’t end the way it does in canon - actually, shit, I forgot about 66. So let’s say Palps tries to recruit Anakin anyway because he’s super-powerful and Palps wants that on his side, but Anakin betrays him to the Council and Order 66 doesn’t happen.
But just because Palpatine tripped and fell into about a dozen lightsabers on his way to his jail cell doesn’t mean the war’s over. The Separatists are fucked, they can’t exactly claim that Sidious made them do it, so they’re going to try their hardest not to lose. So Anakin’s still spending a lot of time out in the field, and Padme’s still got Senate stuff to do. And they probably both already had serious business security details, since somebody needs to be around whenever Anakin decides to do something really fucking stupid without backup (he usually manages without backup, but Obi-Wan, Padme and every clone friend of Anakin’s agree that they’d rather have someone on him anyway), and Padme’s a significant target for the Separatists because a) she’s pretty well-connected in the Senate and b) Palps was hoping he could kill her off to get Anakin to fall. Which would’ve ended pretty badly for him but Palpatine clearly doesn’t understand love so he wouldn’t have realised that.
SO. Anakin gets called off to spearhead some campaign somewhere, Padme has to go to the Senate, and who’s left to look after Powerfist and Cinnamon Roll? (Padme finds these names hilarious.) It’s the clones.
“Okay,” Rex says, no longer quite so angry about being grounded while his blaster wound heals. “Watch carefully. This is how you hold a blaster, okay?”
Luke and Leia are fascinated.
Padme, who entered politics at a frankly ridiculous age and was embroiled in her first war at the age of fourteen, isn’t all that upset when she finds out. Okay, she’d prefer it if the weaponry lessons waited until the kids were older, but considering who their parents are, they’re pretty tempting kidnap targets so she’d rather they knew how to look after themselves. And they’re so cute doing their unarmed combat lessons!
Anakin - Anakin is very protective of his tiny children. HE’S SEEN SOME SHITTY STUFF IN THE GALAXY, OKAY, HE JUST WANTS TO WRAP THEM IN COTTON WOOL AND HIDE THEM SOMEWHERE UNTIL THEY’RE EIGHTEEN. He is not impressed when he finds out. Every stupid, dangerous thing he ever did as a child is running through his head on a loop. He did so many stupid things.
“Not that many,” Padme says, patting his shoulder.
“Pod races,” Anakin says hoarsely. “Blowing up Trade Federation droid ships. Racing speeders. Sticking my hands into droid innards.”
“That isn’t that dangerous,” Padme says, frowning.
“What if I’d electrocuted myself?” Anakin demands. “I could have died so many ways, Padme, why did I pass this on to my children, oh god.”
Padme looks over at Rex for support.
“He’s never told you any of the really wild war stories, has he,” Rex says, deadpan. “They’re too short to fly fighters, but we can start them on acrobatics soon, they’ll have an easier time if they’ve already had practice not throwing up the first time one of them decides to spin the ship they’re flying.”
“I’ll take that into consideration,” Padme says, wondering what Anakin’s stories are if they aren’t the wild ones.
Somewhere, Obi-Wan Kenobi just broke a rib laughing.
It’s canon (or was) that as a child Leia had a fluorescent pink alien kitten-type animal named All-Terrain Attack Vehicle, so I can see her being totally on board with the awesome names.
Now consider: regular OT universe, lots of the clones went AWOL after Order 66 and many of them found their way into the Rebellion. The Rebellion was thus influenced by their culture, including this habit of giving out names like this.
Clones around Leia Organa when she’s growing up.
Clones teaching her to shoot, to fight, to fall, to fly. One of them finds her crying over some momentary childhood upsetness at age five and cheers her up by teaching her to hold a blaster. And then to shoot it. And then to hit what she’s aiming at.
At six, she gets into her first fistfight with another child, a spoiled brat of Alderaan’s nobility, and comes out of it with a bloody nose and a couple broken knickles because she doesn’t know how to punch correctly. Bail gives her a scathing lecture on deportment and courtesy and keeping her temper and how a princess must behave, given edge with his own terror that she’s taking after her other father. The clone who finds her, sulking in the mechanics bay, stung and furious, teaches her how to fight.
At eight, she wants to learn to fly, and Bail, visions of Anakin dancing in his head, dissuades her. It’s the most natural thing in the world to go to the clones and ask to be taught.
At ten she announces that she doesn’t want to go into politics, she wants to be a clone. When her mother points out, gently, that she is the Crown Princess and has responsibilities, she suggests they find girls who look like her to be the Princess for her when she’s busy. She has no idea why both her parents go white at the suggestion.
At eleven, fresh out of another fight–she wants to go help the Rebellion directly, she wants to fight, she wants to go places, be out in the thick of things, and her parents want her to study and do princess things, they want to keep her safe–she goes to the clones with several years of pent-up questions.
The clones are ones who spent years fighting beside Anakin Skywalker, and almost as much time spent running interference for, and pretending not to know about, Anakin’s secret relationship with Padmé Amidala. They didn’t know she was pregnant, but between the piloting skills and the temper and the recklessness and the elder Organas’ reaction to her decoy idea, they can guess.
One of them brings out a medkit and they run a genetic test on a drop of Leia’s blood. They’ve seen the readout of Anakin’s displayed so many times they’ve practically committed it to memory, and the relationship is obvious even to those not medic-trained. Now Leia has a second set of parents, and a host of stories about them, and the personal loyalty of every clone trooper in the Rebellion–General Skywalker’s daughter.
When she’s twelve, a thought occurs to her, and it’s the clones, not her parents, that she asks, “if my father was a Jedi, am I Force-sensitive too?”
Some clone out working support for the Rebellion’s secret operatives gets in touch with Fulcrum for her.
A couple days after Leia’s thirteenth birthday, Ahsoka Tano makes planetfall on Alderaan and is snuck by the clones (”Good to see you, Commander,”) into the mechanics bay to meet Leia. By the time Bail and Breha figure out what Leia’s disappearing for this time, Leia’s already made her first lightsaber and is working on her second.
When Darth Vader tracks down Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka Tano is not alone.
“Who are you?” he asks, confused by the presence of this fierce child–his grand-apprentice, as it were, glaring at him from behind two lightsabers (blue, for her father, and green, for her teacher) like he’d offended her grievously in the past. (He’s never really met Princess Leia Organa, beyond an occasional presence at the same Imperial event, but she knows quite a lot about him. She isn’t going to run for Senate, but she is going to rebel. She does her research.)
“Killshot,” is what she says.
Darth Vader was Anakin Skywalker, and Anakin Skywalker knows clone naming customs when he hears them. “A Force-sensitive clone?” is what he asks. (The name was gifted to her at nine, when she beat the combat flight simulator on its highest mode eleven times in a row.)
Leia beams. It’s the best compliment anyone could give her. “Yes,” she says, and brings up her blades.
*claps and cheers*
(Source: clonettroopers, via nominalnebula)
also I love that Rogue One kind of gave us a reason for why Darth Vader never realized Leia was his daughter:
he was so fucking mad she got away in like 30 seconds and then she had the AUDACITY to LIE ABOUT IT DIRECTLY TO HIS FACE.
the Force could have been screaming “hey look it’s my grandbaby!” and all vader would have heard was Kill Bill sirens.
(via nominalnebula)
Anonymous asked: So how was Rogue One?
MY G O D IT WAS A BLESSING AND A GIFT UNTO US ALL.
In all seriousness, though, I loved it. It couldn’t have been better designed for me if they tried. Brutal honesty about Doing What Needs To Be Done, desperate people fighting desperate wars, shouting matches between allies with laser-targeted accusations and grief-driven sharp tongues, bloody hands and buried sins.
Basically, look, okay, here: if you read and liked the entire Animorphs series, this will be your jam. If you prefer your heroes to be unsullied and clean (which, no judgement), maybe not. But seriously, give it a try.
A couple other things:
- “Fiercely competent anti-fascist space Latinx with a robot best friend” is my new favorite weirdly specific trope, see also: Poe Dameron
- Jyn Erso grows so much over the movie she’s my daughter and I love her
- I want to wrap Bodhi Rook in blankets and put him down in front of Fantasia and cuddle him and feed him chocolate until he’s Happy, I’m a simple woman with simple needs
- Darth Vader is so hilariously Extra
- Krennic’s cape is a fucking tragedy
- “Welcome home” *bawls*
- Baze and Chirrut are married and have been for like thirty years, sorry I don’t make the rules
do you guys think that queen breha organa, dukesa of house antilles, prinsesa of aldera, jewel of the core, exiled from court the first (the only) minister to refer to leia as “not her daughter”
because I definitely think that happened, and everyone in the beautiful pearl-silvered city of aldera has heard the story of his total and abect disgrace, and no one since has dared refer to leia as anything but the daughter of queen breha organa, dukesa of house antilles, prinsesa of aldera, jewel of the core—
even legislation isn’t referred to as “adopted” anymore.
#this is padme in a nutshell#you don’t understand#of the pt trio anakin is the only one who really has a concept of his own mortality#like he doesn’t have a great concept of it but at least he HAS one#obi-wan…doesn’t particularly#or rather he does but he doesn’t care because he’s already come to terms with his inevitable death#padme lacks this concept entirely#it just straight-up doesn’t occur to her
Padme is an immortal being of anger and democracy.
(Source: darthvqder, via thefreakwiththewings)
Since you can’t add comments underneath chat posts, I’m making a whole new post for @cadesama‘s tags underneath that “give me your hairdryer” incorrect quote:
#star wars#i actually like the idea that anakin’s idea of civilians is 100% formed by padme#you’re not carrying a blaster bail? what?#do you need to go and change clothes before the mission bail? riyo?#no judgment #just bafflement
Because this made me crave an Anakin/Padme/Bail team up in the worst way. Imagine all three of them send on some diplomatic mission that goes south. Padme and Anakin instantly enter into Battle Couple mode, with Bail trailing bewildered after them.
Anakin, readying his lightsaber: We’ve got a problem, better take out your blasters.
Bail: What?
Padme: *takes out her blaster*
Bail: What?
Anakin, confused: Bail, did you forget your blaster?
Bail: I don’t take a blaster to a peaceful negotiations!
Padme, taking out a second blaster: Don’t worry, you can borrow mine.
Bail, now equipped with a blaster: What??
(via thefreakwiththewings)
Anonymous asked: But what if like exchanging different foods is how you get married on ALL desert planets in the Star Wars universe? Who does Anakin accidentally marry? Who does Shmi accidentally marry? Who does Luke accidentally marry?
Anakin and Padmé have literally been married since they were nine and fourteen; he’s VERY confused when she insists they have to get married AGAIN, but maybe that’s a Naboo thing?
-
“I’m sorry, I thought–you’re not already married, are you?” Cliegg asks worriedly, and Shmi gets a brief, wistful look on her face, thinking of a long-ago dinner table and the long, long-gone man who’d eaten her food and taken her Ani to a better life, who’d left her an empty house and half a box of rations from some far-off planet she will never see.
“No, he … he’s passed on, now,” she replies quietly. “And anyway, it wasn’t his people’s way.”
-
“Um,” Luke says, turning bright red. Lando gives him a puzzled look in return, wagging the mug of space hot chocolate he’s holding out to him.
“Yes or no, kid?” he asks, raising a pointed eyebrow.
“Yes!” Luke blurts, then looks horrified at himself, grabs the hot chocolate, and leaves. He comes back twenty minutes later with a triumphant, glowing expression and a bottle of Lando’s favorite space wine, which–odd, kind of, but Lando is NOT complaining.
this seems like something you’d like
God the degree to which Bail Organa can Get It is honestly very distracting to me right now, and I imagine the Rebellion felt the same considering their vastly improved success rate after he died, which was, don’t get them, a tragedy, a heinous grief that helped fuel them, but also like……have you seen Jimmy Smits. Look at him. Now you can’t think thoughts, and I’m sorry, but now there’s no thinking room. How are you supposed to plan a rebellion
(via skymurdock)
