EXACTLY. I’m as impressed with this “vigilante” nonsense as he is. I really hope they’re not gonna try to generate any audience sympathy for that perspective.
please consider the fact that steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america probably got the bulk of his sex education from a pack of chorus girls
and like obviously you could jump to the conclusion that he had a bunch of educational sex romps with a harem of hot young ladies but if you have ever hung out with a pack of women for any significant length of time you will probably have observed them discuss every single facet of every single sexual encounter with every single romantic partner with one another, while cackling.
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america sitting at the very end of the makeup trailer, meekly brushing a chorus girl’s hair, as six other girls share a bottle of gin and compare the median dick length of hook-ups in the west coast vs the east and how that might correlate with willingness to give head and a seventh girl keeps making lesbian jokes
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america realizing all of bucky’s romantic ‘conquests’ probably went straight back to their friends and reported on his performance and suddenly being really glad he’s a virgin
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america on one of his sadness errands goes to visit the last chorus girl in her nursing home and she’s like ninety and hooked up to a wheely oxygen tank and knitting some baby booties for her great-grandkid and she asks him right there in front of all the cameras, ‘you found a nice young man to pop that cherry of yours yet, rogers?’ and he goes ‘i’m waiting till you die, ethel, the last thing i need is another lecture on the clap’
the morning after sam and steve do it, steve resignedly answers his cellphone to the dulcet tones of a cackling ninety year old woman with a lecture for him on the clap.
okay not shanghai and derail your shippy post but i need to shanghai and derail your shippy post for a minute bc i’m so in love with the original concept here of steve rogers spending a fair amount of time being surrounded by thirty gossiping women and he hears all about the times their asses have been pinched, and the cat calls they’ve gotten on the streets, and that one creep in the bar that just wouldn’t leave the one of them alone and so steve rogers learns the difference between a woman flirting and a woman politely saying no and this is how he learns to respectfully take rejection
and steve rogers listening to 30 women talk about menstruation like it’s the weather and he finds himself learning about the symptoms and exactly how bad they can be and steve rogers starts getting hot water bottles for the women who are cramping so bad they’re having trouble getting out of the chair and he does it without being asked or told he just knows now
and steve rogers learning about the intricacies involved in the world of the female experience and learns that women are people in way there’s no going back from and so he no longer has the capacity to see them as things like sex objects or super spies and that’s why nat can let her guard down around him and be a bestie because for once someone sees her as a fucking person
Steve Rogers becoming a famous artist in the modern world, but not in the way anyone expected:
Sketching Bucky and Sam and Natasha on the placemat at a restaurant; the waitress figures out who they are from Sam’s credit card and sells the drawing on ebay
Drawing little monsters on kid’s casts at the Children’s Hospital, until Natasha finds a ‘Florida Man’ article about some idiot who tried to break his arm on purpose
Getting really hammered with Thor and tagging the side of Tony’s newest building with a DayGlo yellow caricature of the team – fifty stories up
Doing commissions for charity once and then never again, after someone seriously offers to pay him $200 for a six-stroke cat doodle
(He does a nice watercolor of their childhood pet for free, and donates $1000 of his own money back to the charity)
Sending dumb doodles to his fans on Twitter; someone actually has one tattooed (insp. x)
+1
Secretly starting a Tumblr and posting whatever he wants, when he wants, as ‘fanart’
Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Sam and Clint are discussing conspiracy theories and end up talking about the JFK assassination. Steve is adamant that it wasn’t an inside/CIA job. Natasha’s pretty sure the KGB had nothing to do with it. Clint is microanalyzing all the details like shot trajectory, line of fire, etc. Steve sees Bucky sitting off to the side Googling everything and wants to include him in the conversation, so he says, “Hey, Buck, who do you think shot President Kennedy?”
And Bucky just looks up and very quietly says, “I think I did.”
GUYS. I really want to say that I’m focusing on Steve’s face and the sadness, but instead I’m dying because OH MY GOD, THOR DOING THE WEIRD REVERSE DIRTY DANCING MOVE and Jane’s face like, jesus chrisssssssssssssssssssssssssssst fuck fuck fuck put me down. Also, Tony casually staring at himself in the mirror because WHO IS THAT HANDSOME DEVIL? OH YEAH, STARK, THAT’S YOU. And Pepper’s face like, UGH I BET YOU TONY’S CHECKING HIMSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR, I NEED TO UPDATE MY PROFILE ON PLENTY OF FISH.
(ALSO, It took me a moment to realize that it’s a MIRROR behind Steve. HOLY FUCK, this was well done.)
I don’t understand how a piece of art can both entirely depress me and yet make me howl with laughter.
NAT AND CLINT WATCHING FROM THE BALCONY THO
this perfectly encapsulates the balance between heartbreak and hilarity that all the best fandom pieces manage to walk
(is Bruce dancing with Betty in the background????)
I actually thought Tony was looking at Steve in concern but I was going to the reblog button the second I saw Bruce with Betty and the look on Jane’s face
I rewatched The Avengers today and I finally realized why Steve is such an ass. I can’t believe I never understood before.
Steve literally crashed a plane into a glacier over the Tesseract. He lost his best friend and the opportunity to be with the love of his life over the Tesseract. Of course he’s pissed off and unwilling to help when Fury comes to bother him about the fucking Tesseract.
This is the same fight he fought in during WWII. It’s the fight they told him he won when they defrosted him. Of course he’s mad. Probably betrayed and frustrated, too.
I was always disappointed in The Avengers for depicting Steve this way and now I’m embarrassed because I never understood the reasoning behind it. I’ve seen the light.
Not only that, but at the time of The Avengers, Steve has been out of the ice for two weeks. He lost his best friend, the love of his life, everyone and everything he’s ever known two weeks ago. He fought Red Skull and saw the Tesseract vaporise him into thin air two weeks ago.
And then Fury interrupts Steve’s PTSD flashback at the gym to tell him S.H.I.E.L.D. found the Tesseract and promptly lost it to yet another villain bent on world destruction, and Steve is all Jesus F. Christ, I JUST did this!
And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Steve discovers that S.H.I.E.L.D. was using the Tesseract to build HYDRA weapons of mass destruction (because S.H.I.E.L.D. is HYDRA, shhh!).
It hasn’t been two weeks since Steve saw whole army battalions vaporised and smashed a plane into the Arctic Ocean to prevent the exact same weapons of mass destruction from reaching New York! And here they are again! In New York, in the hands of his supposed “allies,” who lied to him about their purpose for wanting the Tesseract back!
Steve doesn’t like bullies, he doesn’t care where they’re from. In The Avengers, he realises he’s working for the new bullies and doesn’t have a choice if he wants to save humanity.
So yeah, Steve is pissed. He f–ing hates that f–ing Tesseract, and he’s 100000% done with it and with S.H.I.E.L.D. making all the same mistakes again.
