the world's oldest ship war

  • Aeschylus: Achilles goes on top.
  • Plato: No; definitely Patroclus.
  • Xenophon: They were just friends.
  • Plato: Shut up, Xenophon.
  • Aeschines: It's practically canon.
  • Aristarchus: I know it looks canon, but Homer didn't write that - someone added it later.
  • Shakespeare: It's canon.

Tags: NO ONE IS QUESTIONING THAT ACHILLES AND PATROCLUS WERE KNOCKIN' BOOTS except xenophon and apparently aristarchus but since they basically disappeared into obscurity they don't get a vote history according to tumblr greek mythology according to tumblr motherfucking shakespeare shakespeare achilles/patroclus for what it's worth this ongoing ship war is hilarious because people are really hung up on WHO TOPPED (because of the greek concepts of lover and beloved in male/male relationships) which leads to VERY INTRICATE discussions of the specifics of achilles' sex life for example the argument that achilles topped was based on the fact that he was achilles plato's side of the argument was more popular because well he was plato his argument was that patroclus was older and it was noted that achilles was beautiful 'like a young girl' which in the day meant that achilles would have been the eromenos and patroclus would have been the erastes