skymurdock asked: look I am sleepy and tired and I've got some school shit to attend to pre-enrollment tomorrow so HEY MORAN how would you write an AU where Steve Trevor ends up as the Winter Soldier figure. bc we need more of that trope always.

Okay so I’m real into Winter Soldier AUs where their identity is discovered in the WORST AVAILABLE WAY (well, all WS AUs tbh but like come on I like to see people break down), and also this morning @littlestartopaz suggested that the Waynes are basically the Starks but more humanitarian and less weapon designer (also please note that I generally adhere to Unpretty’s Batman personality because I like it).

So basically what I’m saying here is that Bruce, after the League has formed up and suffered a nasty battle that dredged up a lot of people’s old issues, returns to the unsolved case of his parents’ murder and mulls over the information .  He has done this for most of his life when things go awry, not so much because he expects to solve the crime anymore or even because he’s still as emotionally locked in that moment as he once was, but just…it’s his parents and he doesn’t know and if there’s one thing the Batman hates, it’s not knowing.  

This time he has actual people, though, and while Clark mostly goes home to Metropolis and his day job, Diana is formally speaking on leave from her day job and she knows who he is and he lets her stay in his mansion because she really loves his gardens.  (This is what clinches it for Diana–the Batman is a marshmallow under that layer of body armor.)  So she comes across this research and the two of them start poking around and they find a loose end that Bruce hasn’t seen before.  They start pulling on it and at first they think that it goes nowhere, that it dead ends in a conglomerate of the wealthy and ethically deficient that dissolved decades ago and took all their records with it.

Two days later, Dick Grayson (probably around seventeen now) hears a quiet beep when he opens his car door and it’s only the years of practice that let him throw himself back fast enough to escape most of the shrapnel.  Bruce shows up to the hospital where Dick is getting bandaged up (burns to his left forearm and lower leg, two cracked ribs, and a nasty bit of road rash on his right cheek and shoulder) like the wrath of God, and Diana is already on site, sifting through the debris for a clue.  This is a warning, plain and simple, targeting the eldest son–death of the firstborn, Dick says like it’s at all funny, aren’t there supposed to be some other plagues before that?–but a critical mistake has been made.  Bruce Wayne is rich and powerful and people know it, and feel threatened even by ‘eccentric playboy Brucie’ because, well, one time he found out someone was paying off a surveyor to build one of his buildings on a burial site, and he came down like the fist of an angry god.

Batman, defending his partner and adopted son, is going to rip these people to shreds.  

“Huh,” Diana says with interest, tapping her comm so that Bruce can hear her.  She’s picking over what’s left of the bomb itself, armored and disinterested in the police nervously milling about.  “I haven’t seen a weight trigger like this since I was in the trenches.”

The manhunt that gets underway is subtle, at first, Diana and Bruce operating from the shadows or with the mild interest of superheros who happen to be in the area, while Clark calls in a few favors to look into the names that Bruce and Diana were pulling at.  The rest of the League isn’t told, not yet, because Bruce is protective of his identity and even more so of his secrets and he’s still adjusting even just to Diana and Clark.  

Diana does a lot of the legwork.  Clark has a secret identity to keep up and Bruce has an injured kid to duct tape to a bed (the entire Wayne household redefines ‘bad patient’ to levels that frankly amaze Diana even now) so Diana is mostly the one quietly talking to people, pushing for information, searching, seeking, hunting.  

It draws attention to her, because it looks like Bruce took the warning seriously while she did not.

It takes less than a month for someone to be sent to…deal with her.

Diana is just leaving the house of a woman whose dead husband’s brother’s boss might have had something to do with the whole mess–all of her leads have been like this, but Diana doesn’t mind because Bruce should see that people don’t always have darkness in their souls.  She’s willing to work with his kids and Clark on proving the point.  Also, she finds the concept of attacking children as horrific as she did a century ago at Veld, and Hades have mercy on anyone who did, because Diana certainly wouldn’t.  (Dick had protested that he’s almost an adult and besides he’s been fighting crime since he was nine, and Tim sat on him.  Carefully.  With affection.)  So yeah, she’s fine with digging through people who are at two or three removes from the situation on the off chance that they might have information.  Also this particular woman makes lovely home-mixed tea with rosehips and lemon and honey, so there’s also that.

She’s not certain that she’s being followed until she turns into an alley and the figure drifts after her, and…he’s good, she almost missed him.  Diana admits it at once–never underestimate your opponent, Antiope’s voice whispers through the years–and twists on her heel to face him.  She believes he’s male, but he’s masked, hard plastic too pearly to be skin that covers his face from just below his eyes all the way down, hiding mouth and keeping his jaw closed like a muzzle.  His hair was buzzed short at some point, but it’s growing out, as if no one tends to it, and his eyes are as cold and empty as the clear sky at midwinter.

Diana feels a little sick.  She was ready to take him down, hard and fast, but the man following her looks more like a tormented hunting hound than anything else.  Like he’s forgotten what it’s like to be treated as human.

“Why are you following me?” she asks, holding a hand out, palm down, as if gentling a nervous horse.  “Can you tell me who sent you?”

He raises a gun and shoots twice without so much as batting an eye.  Diana barely gets her bracers up in time, and then the alley is a melee battle, gun and blind determination against lasso and lifelong training.

Obviously, Diana wins, and the gun clatters away, followed by not one but three knives and a second small gun.  Her opponent carries more weapons on him than Bruce does, which is no small feat, and finally she tackles him outright, bracing one knee on his left wrist and catching his right in her hand as she uses all her strength to deny his attempts to throw her off, already demanding answers.

“I said,” she snarls, hooking her nails under the mask and ripping it away, “who sent–”  Her words strangle on her tongue as the mask drops from nerveless fingers.  “Oh Hades,” she breathes, and reaches out, hand trembling.  “Steve?”

He takes the moment of weakness to slam his head into her nose, and she rocks back as he rolls away.  She lashes out on instinct with her lasso, catches his ankle and yanks him back down onto the asphalt.

“Steve,” she says again, getting a better look at his face this time.

He bares his teeth at her, as if threatening to tear her throat out if that’s what it takes.  “Who the hell is Steve?”

Anonymous asked: the borgias for the asks?

FOLKS THIS IS GONNA GET NSFW FAIR WARNING.

For this meme, which I love.

name ur politically correct ship that no one ever questions

…is there even such a thing in Borgias?  Um…I think not.  How about my ‘supported by canon’ ship, which is Cesare/Lucrezia.

now name ur trash ship

CESARE/MICHELETTO.  But like specifically in this really complicated power dynamic where Cesare’s emotions are all tangled up with his overwhelming need to prove that he’s in control of something, of anything, and God, Micheletto offers up his throat to the knife as sweetly and obediently as a lamb raised for the slaughter and Cesare loves that equally as much as anything else.  And Micheletto loves Cesare like a man worshiping his god, inextricable and helpless and sacrificial, a love that’s all about loyalty and penance and going to his knees and blood on the altar.

and ur really trashy im-going-to-hell ship

Cesare/Micheletto/Lucrezia, in which Cesare loves Lucrezia and Lucrezia loves Cesare and Micheletto loves Cesare so much (see above) and he would die for Lucrezia, at first because Cesare loves her and later because Micheletto is loyal to her himself (he does not want her the way they both want Cesare, and cannot love her the way he loves Cesare because there is only space in his heart for one love like that, but they find a common ground in Cesare and Micheletto would do a great many things to keep Lucrezia’s lily-white hands clean of blood), and Lucrezia’s children calls them both Uncle and Micheletto is bemused by this while Cesare is pained and it’s just all really complicated and awful and yeah, no one is really at ease but they’re happier than they could ever otherwise be.

This ship gets 100000% messier better when you add the fact that both Cesare and Lucrezia are married to the mix.  Because can you imagine the deals and maneuvering that have to be done in order to keep the balance copacetic.

who is your cinnamon roll fave who everyone loves

Oh, Paolo, my poor boy.  And also Djem.  All these people Juan “Fuck-ass” Borgia has killed.  Does Lucrezia count, or does she lose Cinnamon Roll status after she commits cold-blooded murder?

who is your sinnamon roll fave who everyone loves to hate/hates to love

…I don’t…I don’t even know.  There is no fandom to speak of, so I’m not sure who would fall into this category.  Giulia.  Rodrigo/Alexander VI.  

who is your trash fave who is so problematic they probably have hate tumblrs dedicated to them

EVERYONE.  ALL OF THEM.  ESPECIALLY MICHELETTO AND CESARE.  BUT TBH YOU DON’T WATCH THIS DUMPSTER FIRE OF A SHOW FOR THE CINNAMON ROLLS.

what is ur  guiltiest guilty fave fandom

This one?????

what is the fic you want to write/read but can’t because it is too full of Sin

Oh my buddy my dude it’s all here?  Like, there is no fic I can think of that’s more sinful than the show.

…oh wait, no, AU where Cesare and Lucrezia happen sooner and she sneaks into the confessional and sucks him off while he’s wearing his cardinal’s vestments, and the whole fic is heavily laden with imagery of Lucrezia as both Madonna and supplicant and also of Intercession and some complicated feelings about God, and Cesare being very VERY conflicted about his sister’s glorious golden hair spread across the blood red of his vestments.

There, I hope that was gratifying for everyone.

what is the most sinful fic you have ever read/written

I swear TO GOD that I am still writing that one porn fic with Micheletto and Cesare and scars as heraldry and the giving of orders and sexually tense removal of vestments.

what is the worst thing you want to become canon (character death, trash-ship etc)

Literally every single thing in this post, but tbh all my darkest desires are fulfilled within like the first two episodes when Micheletto takes a cat ‘o nine tails and hands it to Cesare and looks him dead in the eye as he says, “So whip me, my lord.”

what is your most sinful headcanon

Cesare has always had a powerful preference for blondes, the more golden their hair, the better.  He has a recurring dream about a beautiful woman sitting above him on a bed of gold cloth, her hair falling around them both as she kisses his lips and he fucks her.  His preference for fair-haired women is common knowledge.  The fact that it stems from a dream about his sister is not.  

Furthermore, I definitely agree with Wilde that Cesare has definitely had a dream about fucking his sister’s hair.  Cesare has a thing for his sister’s hair.

As for Cesare/Micheletto, c’mon now, we can all agree that they’ve fucked while he was wearing his vestments more than once.

what is your cutest headcanon

Um…when they were younger, Lucrezia taught Cesare how to braid her hair.  He still remembers, it’s A Thing.  I also recognize that this is not so much ‘cute’ in light of the previous answer.

what is your heart-breakingist head canon

THE END OF THE MOVIE SCRIPT????

Oh, and obviously the fact that none of the Borgias really believe in God (they observe the traditions, but even the Pope doesn’t really have faith) save for Cesare, who believes with all his heart in the prayers and sacraments he says every day, and believes with all his heart that he’s going to Hell, and sides with his father and his family anyway.  I find that very tragic.

what is ur crackiest crack ship

Cesare/Good Sense, tied with Lucrezia/Consistent And Prolonged Happiness

what is ur marginally less cracky crack ship

Cesare/Craftiness, which is tied with Micheletto/Religion, because you want to talk about people who definitely believe in God and definitely do terrible things anyway and basically just have a profoundly complicated relationship with religion and kind of approach murder as a religious connection not unlike that of a confessor to a supplicant, Micheletto’s your boy.  CAN YOU TELL THAT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A L O T.

what is ur favourite ridiculous au

Um…this Temeraire AU from @wildehacked.  (Incidentally, in the Black Sails Temeraire AU, Miranda would be a dragon and Flint is her captain’s beloved and when her captain is cruelly ripped away from them both, she and Flint escape because Miranda can’t stand another captain and Flint just needs out and it’s all very terrible.  I digress.)

Also, I’m really a sucker for daemon AUs!  I have no idea what this one would look like except that Micheletto would have a hunting hound, the kind of rangy mixed-breed creature whose jaws can crack bone and whose loyalty stretches beyond the grave, and everyone believes that Rodrigo Borgia/Alexander VI has a white dove.  (The snake he keeps quite literally up his sleeve is a melanistic asp.  Cesare thinks this is funny, in a bitter sort of way.)

flvffs asked: please, tell us more about your horsemen of the apocalypse.

*maniacal laughter* 

You have made a BAD MISTAKE, my buddy, my guy, because now here are 1600 words about this novel.  More stuff is here in the tag.

Right, so, remember how I write novels when I’m pissed off about stuff?  Like…I got pissed off about the lack of happy F/F ships with superpowers and wrote a novel about that.  And I was pissed off about misuse of all-powerful sorcerers (Merlin, I am cranky about the show Merlin), and I wrote a novel about that.  And I was pissed off about use of psychic powers and Antichrists and Apocalypses (*glowers at SPN*) and I wrote Falls the Shadow, this novel.  Kind of by accident.  Like.  I meant to write a fifteen, maybe twenty, page thing playing with the idea of a character who had visions of the Apocalypse.  Smash cut to eighteen months and 250K words later…

So yeah.  The basic premise of this novel is that Sam Lightworth and her older brother Oz have been the best hunters in the country since they were kids, until it came to light during a hunt when she was fifteen that Sam has precognitive dreams.  Since most hunters don’t really have a concept of grey areas (such as a human girl with visions of the future) Oz takes the logical solution of getting his baby sister the fuck out of the life before someone can kill her.  Cut forward a year and a half, Sam’s been in hiding at a boarding school and, for the first time in her life, she has something like a normal life, with a normal friend (Kit), and normal demands on her life.  She hates it.  When her brother turns up, bloody and battered and bearing news of their dad’s death, it’s the best thing that’s happened to her all year.  So she and Oz leave, with Kit in tow.  They also pick up Michael, an old…friend who met Sam exactly once when they were both kids.  She broke his arm and he cracked four of her ribs.  Naturally that…happens.  The majority of the plot rotates around Sam, Michael, Oz, and Kit learning about their places as the Four Horsemen.

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Alllll the groveling, guys.  All of it.  Remember how I was talking about totally not having time to write long fics?  I TOTALLY don’t.  But I am.  So here.

Anyone who guessed Enjolras’ in-universe identity before the big reveal gets a cookie.  Also I am taking votes on whether I should include smut and up the rating of this thing, and yeah, I’m taking those votes now because it takes me a goddamn long time to write smut.  I have to, like, prepare myself, if y’all want smut.

yol-ande asked: Oh oh oh, I saw you ship Damerons, could you write something ridiculously fluffy with Finn being badass, while Rey and Poe are all starry-eyed over it? This fandom needs more Finn love. (And I need all of the fluff)

Okay I’m so sorry for the delay but HERE.  Also, bear with me, there is in fact some fluff here, but this kind of turned into a crash course in my favorite tropes, so the fluff is…at the end. We’ve got dramatic rescues!  We’ve got canon references!  We’ve got hurt/comfort after interrogation!  We’ve got the Damerons being stupid in love with each other!  We’ve got Rey being deadly as fuck even severely compromised!  We’ve got Finn the patron saint of revolution!  We’ve got disguises and drugs and sweary droids!  And eventually we’ve got fluff.  Also this is like…twelve pages, pushing 6K, I have no excuse.  I’ve also decided that Shinedown’s Cut The Cord is the new theme song for the Stormtrooper revolution.

Poe wasn’t sure how long they had been there—definitely days, but probably not more than a dozen. Probably.  It was hard to tell, with irregular ration schedules, and there were no other prisoners in their dark cell to ask.  The brig was far from the hull of the vast First Order battlecruiser, too, and although the impenetrable black wouldn’t have helped with timekeeping, he wished they could at least see the stars.

They didn’t seem interested in him, but they had taken Rey from him three times since they were first captured—all his injuries were from trying to keep them from taking her, against her direct orders.  The first time, she had walked, as graceful and serene as a dead moon, between the Stormtroopers.  She had been weak with the cuffs on her wrists, cutting her off from the Force, clean and crisp as a lightsaber slash, but she was strong.  They had returned her to him bruised and exhausted, wilted with it, and she had bared all her teeth at him proudly and snarled that they would never get answers out of her.  

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