a friend shared a meme on facebook titled ‘what the signs like’, the joke being that all of them were ‘punching a nazi in the face’; i felt it lacked nuance and so:
aries: punching a nazi in the face, ANY TIME, ANYWHERE, MFCKZ
taurus: punching a nazi in the face in defense of friends threatened by him, also stealing his sandwich
gemini: punching a nazi in the face, and then going home and writing a blog post about love and understanding
cancer: inviting a nazi over for poisoned tea
leo: punching a nazi in the face, then climbing on a platform to give an impassioned speech about it
virgo: exhaustively researching the best methods of nazi-punching before delivering a perfectly calculated blow to a nazi’s face, being unsatisfied, starting over
libra: punching a nazi in the face, dancing while glitter spontaneously rains from the sky
scorpio: sneaking up behind a nazi and pushing him into someone else’s fist
sagittarius: charming a nazi into punching himself in the face
capricorn: punching ten nazis on the way to pick up a cup of coffee before work in the morning
aquarius: punching a nazi in the face as public therapeutic performance art, not caring that nobody gets it
pisces: summoning a force of pure psychic energy to deck a nazi without moving a muscle
Aries: Caught fire because a neighbor fucked up at operating a tractor so bad that literally everything for like a quarter mile caught fire.
Taurus: Stalked by co-worker, sued management for not doing anything about the co-worker. Management defended their inaction on the grounds that the stalker was from Eastern Europe and they thought stalking was “pretty much culturally expected over there.”
Gemini: Hacked a company’s store credit system and bought a bunch of stuff on nonexistent store credit; defended self on grounds that their security system was really badly designed and the store was asking for it.
Cancer: Angry preacher who wanted to shut up the people on the internet saying they ran an “orgy church.”
Leo: Kept a lion in a small enclosure in their yard.
Virgo: Assault with deadly weapon. Deadly weapon in question was a chainsaw.
Libra: Police officer fired for “taking the whole ethics thing way too far,” ie, interfering with other officers’ crimes.
Scorpio: Murdered “an old friend.” Obviously 100% guilty, visibly 100% unrepentant. Jury let them off, to the firm’s total bewilderment. Sent senior partner a lovely fruit basket.
Sagittarius: Used work email account and work computer to exchange sexual fantasies and photographs involving horses with like-minded individuals.
Capricorn: Their goats wandered onto their neighbors’ property “one time too many,” so the neighbors shot the goats.
Aquarius: Shot at neighbors, including a grade-schooler, for walking across their yard. When police were called, was enraged and offended, particularly when the police also walked across their yard. When asked whether the neighbors had in fact been threatening them in any way, appeared to be genuinely hurt by the question, and began complaining about how hard their life was and how little anyone understood their woes.
Pisces: Doctor suing the state for preventing patients on probation from taking their medications, which the state thought were probably basically the same as cocaine.
WELP here’s the project I did for school that I wanna work into a more personal project throughout this summer and in the future as well. I haven’t done a comic in a long time, so there was a lot of experimenting here and I’m gonna apologize ahead for my shaky storytelling cuz writing is not my forte, although I do plan on fixing this up in the future. It’s a sort of prequel to what I wanna do for my zodiac kids, so it was just a lot of messing around with them. Nothing is historically accurate; its psuedo history and fanstasy so hahaHA
Aries: Captivation. Someone who not only captures but holds their flickering flames of interest, someone they can’t look away from if they tried, who melts their hearts with slow burning lava. Taurus: Fluidity. In the midst of their sturdy calm, someone who will surprise them and move them, who pushes them to their limits, who is exasperating and irresistible. Gemini: Adoration. Someone who loves the quickness of their minds, who thinks they are the world’s most beautiful puzzle, who touches them like they are a map they will never quite completely understand. Cancer: Security. In the depth and curves of Cancer’s love, they crave someone who is unwavering, who will forever hold their hand. Leo: Passion. Someone whose heart burns as brightly as theirs does, someone whose fierce spirit matches their own, whose kisses are intertwining flames. Virgo: Understanding. Someone who studies them carefully, who knows that they try their hardest, who loves their quirks and reads their bodies, who makes them feel like their every movement is a blessing. Libra: Determination. Fearful Libras with fleeting hearts crave someone who will go to the ends of the Earth for them, someone who proves with every smile that they hold unconditional love. Scorpio: Acceptance. Someone who knows their darkest shadows and brightest lights and loves it all, who never lets them forget that love. Sagittarius: Freedom. The spirit of Sagittarius is untamed, and never will be; they crave someone who will travel the world with them, who looks at them like they are the universe but will always set them free. Capricorn: Romance. The misunderstood, intricate heart of Capricorn craves boldness and sweetness, romance and adoration that overwhelms them, makes them feel like they have the world in their hands. Aquarius: Excitement. Someone who startles them, who takes their hand and leads them to new worlds, who makes them laugh harder than they ever have, whose mind is filled with things they never knew existed. Pisces: Fascination. Someone who delves into their worlds, who explores them and listens to their soft spoken stories at 3 AM, who theorizes and hypothesizes with them, who never tires of hearing them speak.
